by Menelvir » Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:08 pm
From the MANITOBA HERALD, Canada
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past month, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a Romney/Ryan election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and tree huggers crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer and a couple of Sierra Club executives huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . They were cold, exhausted and hungry. "The producer asked me if I could spare a latte and some organic vegetables. When I said I didn't have any, he and his cohorts left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "That slowed them down some," he said. "But, obviously these people are desperate."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo and Subaru station wagons , drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for Canada's rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often complaining loudly that they fear retribution from newly emboldened conservatives. Rumours have been circulating about a future Romney administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and drive gas-guzzling Hummers.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of sneaking across the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove their knowledge of the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-herb shortage and are renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies."I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many Art-History, English and Political Science majors does one country need?"
"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." - The Dalai Lama