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the gregory family is having kind of a rough time. we lost sam handwich to kidney failure in july, then rescued a corgi in late september... who in december was stricken with such nasty stones in his bladder that he had to be hospitalized for a week and had surgery to clear out his bladder and also to remove a benign tumor on his stomach. thankfully he is doing well now and should be free of such issues, with the help of a urinary health diet. after all of that (including like $4500 in vet bills), we just learned yesterday that the yellow lab has terminal bone cancer and doesn't have much time left. the past six months are just gradually beating us down, man.

Sorry to hear that Leah. Must be rough both emotionally and financially.

I typically refrain from talking about very personal issues openly but it's been helping to talk about it.

Since the kids were born my wife has been in a deep depression and while there are occasional signs of light that things are getting better they've gotten worse. I haven't worked since 6 months before the kids were born so I've been at home for the past year and a half and spend most of my time with the kids. She got promoted shortly after her maternity leave at her accounting office and works a 9-6 and is resentful that the kids don't recognize her as much as they do me. On top of that she's stressed at work and whenever she comes home we basically fight about dumb shit. The kids get fussy when I'm not around and start crying. We went to marriage counseling, which turned into the therapist wanting to see her individually and things were looking up for a bit, then suddenly she tells me she doesn't love me anymore but she wants to stay together and work on things for the kids.

On my end, and I realize I'm fuckin up here, but knowing 100% that when she gets home that we're going to fight and be pissed off for sure has gotten me accustomed to leaving the house soon as she's home and spending more time with the guys. I've been staying in the past week and we've been talking more about how to move forward. I told her I want to go back to work and I want her to quit her job and stay home and be a mom for now, at least until they're in kindergarten. She agreed and now I've been looking around for work and have a few offers that I'm not super thrilled about. I told her that if we're gonna try to "work things out for the kids" that we need to spend some time together without them and start having dinner together again and talking, despite it always turning into a fight, and just endure it until we can find common ground and understanding again. I told her we're gonna continue counseling but if things don't improve throughout the year I'm going to file for divorce. I love my boys and that's why I don't want to raise them in a home where mom and dad stayed together in a loveless relationship for them. That's not the example of relationships I want them to see.

On the upside though we've been getting along this past week and she apologized for saying that she didn't love me anymore and that she's just really confused and upset and is hopeful things will work out if we keep trying. I dunno if I'm doing the right thing but I feel like change is the only right answer and if I don't change things it's for sure not gonna work out.

Those of you planning on having kids (or already pregnant like Leah) and starting a family, lots of people say being a parent is hard but they never really say why. The lesson I've learned so far is that the actual parenting part isn't really all that hard yet and in fact is probably the most enjoyable part of my life. The hard part for me has been losing my grip on everything else in my life since the kids have been born in order to stay focused on being a good father.

Jay wrote:The lesson I've learned so far is that the actual parenting part isn't really all that hard yet and in fact is probably the most enjoyable part of my life. The hard part for me has been losing my grip on everything else in my life since the kids have been born in order to stay focused on being a good father.

This is definately true. You just can't keep the same life you had before, that's not possible. Change is inevitable after children, and the biggest change is going to be the amount of time you have to devote to you and your wife. I'm lucky in the that my wife and I are pretty laid back when it comes to that stuff, but you need to make time for each other. It's easy to make everything about your kids. I have three now, all under 5 years old, so it can be a challenge just to have a regular adult conversation with your wife. Everything revolves around the kids, and everything we talk about becomes about the kids. It can't work that way though. You need to find time for yourself and you need to find time for each other. Well that's my advice anyway.

Jay wrote:Sorry to hear that Leah. Must be rough both emotionally and financially.

I typically refrain from talking about very personal issues openly but it's been helping to talk about it.

Since the kids were born my wife has been in a deep depression and while there are occasional signs of light that things are getting better they've gotten worse. I haven't worked since 6 months before the kids were born so I've been at home for the past year and a half and spend most of my time with the kids. She got promoted shortly after her maternity leave at her accounting office and works a 9-6 and is resentful that the kids don't recognize her as much as they do me. On top of that she's stressed at work and whenever she comes home we basically fight about dumb shit. The kids get fussy when I'm not around and start crying. We went to marriage counseling, which turned into the therapist wanting to see her individually and things were looking up for a bit, then suddenly she tells me she doesn't love me anymore but she wants to stay together and work on things for the kids.

On my end, and I realize I'm fuckin up here, but knowing 100% that when she gets home that we're going to fight and be pissed off for sure has gotten me accustomed to leaving the house soon as she's home and spending more time with the guys. I've been staying in the past week and we've been talking more about how to move forward. I told her I want to go back to work and I want her to quit her job and stay home and be a mom for now, at least until they're in kindergarten. She agreed and now I've been looking around for work and have a few offers that I'm not super thrilled about. I told her that if we're gonna try to "work things out for the kids" that we need to spend some time together without them and start having dinner together again and talking, despite it always turning into a fight, and just endure it until we can find common ground and understanding again. I told her we're gonna continue counseling but if things don't improve throughout the year I'm going to file for divorce. I love my boys and that's why I don't want to raise them in a home where mom and dad stayed together in a loveless relationship for them. That's not the example of relationships I want them to see.

On the upside though we've been getting along this past week and she apologized for saying that she didn't love me anymore and that she's just really confused and upset and is hopeful things will work out if we keep trying. I dunno if I'm doing the right thing but I feel like change is the only right answer and if I don't change things it's for sure not gonna work out.

Those of you planning on having kids (or already pregnant like Leah) and starting a family, lots of people say being a parent is hard but they never really say why. The lesson I've learned so far is that the actual parenting part isn't really all that hard yet and in fact is probably the most enjoyable part of my life. The hard part for me has been losing my grip on everything else in my life since the kids have been born in order to stay focused on being a good father.

Jay, I don't know if it is same for everyone, but I had same issues when my daughter was born. My wife was severely depressed and we fought over every little thing. It seemed like every week we were planning to file for divorce because we couldn't see how the things could improve. We didn't do couple's counseling or anything like that, but I used to do the same thing, hide in my work, purposely put in extra long hours just to avoid going home. Then I had a very long discussion with my Rabbi and he gave me a great advice, he said that both of us dangled that divorce carrot as an ultimatum and as a way out. Because we know there was a way out we never truly tried to resolve the issues, but using divorce to to resolve troubled marriage is same as cutting of the head to cure the headache. Instead, he suggested that we make an agreement that divorce was completely off the table, without any deadlines, just eliminate it as a possible option so there is no way out other than fixing the problem. Luckily my wife agreed to this proposal and instead each day coming home, we would both say, "sorry I had a stressful day, if I say something I don't mean it it is not me it is stress talking, I still love you very much". First, it felt weird to say it, but in a few weeks instead of snapping at each other we would tell our stress stories to each other and together rant at the reasons behind this stress. We also started going out together every weekend and in a few months we were back to how it was before the pregnancy. I am so glad we did it back then, because now we have a much stronger and deeper relationship than we had when we first got married. The key is to learn not to be overly sensitive when your spouse snaps from stress and not to take it personally, instead learn to help them through it and if they can do the same with you the fighting goes away.

jay it sounds like you're handling things really admirably and i'm proud of you for recognizing how important it is to take action, and for seeing the flaws inherent in staying together for the kids. i hope everything works out in the best way possible for all of you. will be thinking about you.

and thanks for the kind words re: the dogs. it's been a really rough time and i feel sad all the time. it's hard, really hard. josh is having a rough time too. i dunno. we're just trying to make it through.

I work 2pm to midnite and kim works 9am to 7pm. We only have one day off together. I never get to see my family. At least you get that. Imagine our disconnect. Our parents are basically raising our kid because we're always working. I don't see it as a bad thing, even though we would obviously like more time with eachother. We figure putting in hard work at this stage is better, so that when he's four or five we'll already have a lot of money put away

On another note, i couldn't even fathom not working for a year and a half. Aren't you bored? I don't even like taking vacation or calling in sick. Feels like i'm losing money, not to mention the boredom

anyways, chin up! this happens to every couple, whether they tell anyone or not. Life goes on. You have to want to support eachother

Drem wrote:I work 2pm to midnite and kim works 9am to 7pm. We only have one day off together. I never get to see my family. At least you get that. Imagine our disconnect. Our parents are basically raising our kid because we're always working. I don't see it as a bad thing, even though we would obviously like more time with eachother. We figure putting in hard work at this stage is better, so that when he's four or five we'll already have a lot of money put away

On another note, i couldn't even fathom not working for a year and a half. Aren't you bored? I don't even like taking vacation or calling in sick. Feels like i'm losing money, not to mention the boredom

anyways, chin up! this happens to every couple, whether they tell anyone or not. Life goes on. You have to want to support eachother

Hahaha. Yeah sometimes I'm bored to tears man. Then someone comes around and I'm like OMG TALK TO ME CUZ YOU'RE AN ADULT AND I NEED ADULT CONVERSATION. When I talk to the boys I feel like I'm insane cuz I know they don't understand what I'm saying and they're responding by farting or spitting on themselves. I do catch up on lots of TV tho.

Oh I thought it would be funny to mention that with all my free time I considered getting back into MMO's but I decided not to because I couldn't stand the thought of becoming an MMO parent. That person that lets the tank die cuz he had to go check on the kid and afk 3 times in a group or raid lol.

hahahahahah

afk baby

P99 is really bad for people who AFK. All my PUGs we always get some tank who wants to AFK for like 20 minutes in the middle of a spawn cycle. That or the cleric. It seems so much worse than live was.

Zanchief wrote:P99 is really bad for people who AFK. All my PUGs we always get some tank who wants to AFK for like 20 minutes in the middle of a spawn cycle. That or the cleric. It seems so much worse than live was.

I can't play P99 cause I'm one of those notorious AFK'ers. There is just too much RL for me to be able to play for hours straight

Marriage isn't always easy. There NEEDS to be give and take, compromise, empathy, and love, in order to make it work. Throwing in the towel is the path of least resistance, imo. Don't sweat the little stuff... and it's mostly little stuff.

if anyone is interested in helping us out, here's a link to our fundraiser page through the CorgiPals organization. donations are welcome, as is sharing the link with any generous dog lovers in your lives. i know it's a long shot but we could really use a leg up.

http://www.corgipals.org/Fundraisers/He ... eanut.aspx

update: we had to let Bo go yesterday. the cancer progressed really, really quickly and all of a sudden he just couldn't walk or eat or do anything anymore, so the decision was an easy one to make, but oh it hurts. i need a break.

I'm sorry for your loss Leah. Bo was lucky to have good owners who loved him all the way to the end.

Jay wrote:I'm sorry for your loss Leah. Bo was lucky to have good owners who loved him all the way to the end.

man if only you knew what an understatement this was

Tikker wrote:nm

Everything all right?

brinstar wrote:

Jay wrote:I'm sorry for your loss Leah. Bo was lucky to have good owners who loved him all the way to the end.

man if only you knew what an understatement this was

<3 to both of you.

it's been a shit sandwich lately but man we love our dogs.

I got a very good job offer and will be moving to Seattle to work for a company called Pacific MSI which does medical supplies. Me and the wife are doing better and we're both looking forward to this transition. Working on selling the house and getting a house out there. Things are starting to look up.

congrats!

I'm preparing to start in a new job myself on March 3rd. Salary increase is almost $12K/year, and it's less overall responsibility than my current post -- that made the decision to switch pretty much a no-brainer.

Grats bro

congrats to both of you

grats y'all!