by Gypsiyee » Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:28 am
Ash, I think the most important thing that I've seen in this thread was where you've said "I'd like to love him."
Timelines are different for everyone - there is no one size fits all for a timeline for any one couple; statistics in general are crap, personalities are different. People fit together differently. It could very well be that people fall in love and within a couple months are ready for marriage and they last an eternity.. that's how my aunt and uncle were and they've been married 50 years.
However, what I've seen from what you've posted in that one single line says that you might not love him and you're considering it because it feels right - you are a type of person who feels with their entire heart whatever you feel at the moment - your entire heart is dedicated to that moment. It's an awesome quality to have because it's completely genuine; the problems come into play in the future, because your heart isn't in the future because it's so intensely involved with the present. 50 years from now, do you want to wake up and see his face? 50 years from now, do you love this man enough to stand with him knowing all the good and the bad that you've gone through has been more than worth it because there's no one else that you would've wanted to encounter that with?
With best friends it's easy to think that they're the one for you because they know you inside and out - if you want to love him because you think you should and it's just that time, I would say guard your heart and don't bother investing the time. If it's him and he is the reason that you feel that now is the time, because he *is* that person.. do what you feel in your heart is right, but only after closing your eyes and picturing the future with him by your side for the rest of your life.
My parents are divorced, a lot of my friends are already divorced - I personally take marriage very seriously and don't believe you should ever take the plunge unless you are absolutely positive this is the person you will be with for the rest of your life, not because it's the right thing to do for the moment. Marriage is permanent and should be - to me it's not just some piece of paper, it's a bond that should stand the test of time and both people need to be willing to love each other enough to bind yourselves together - not because of age or extenuating circumstances, but because this is the person you *want* to be with forever with all of who you are. There's way too many divorces these days, and if you want nothing more for yourself, have the desire to not become some statistic. Love who you're with with all of you and make sure they love you equally, because 'it was just time' and 'well we had to' or 'well we're good friends and they'd be good baby-makin' just isn't good enough for a lifetime commitment, which is what it should be.
I never married Scott because I knew in my heart it wasn't right; had a good relationship, a great relationship by many standards - could've had a fine life together, but for the rest of our lives we simply didn't have the type of bond that would be able to pit us against the trials of life and come out stronger than we were before we started.. and in something like marriage, a bond like that is what you need, imo.
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