I have recently discovered that one of my sisters-in-law is either a) trying to cheat, or b) trying to lead a seperate online life on the internet in which she is portraying herself as a "sex kitten," "bbw vixxen (her spelling, not mine... yeah)," and "again on the market" because she has "kicked that loser out."
She has additionally stated that one of the men on the board has "met" her before. He has verified this. I sincerely doubt that she has actually, physically, cheated since all it would take is one look at her to crack a thousand mirrors into dust... that is not an exaggeration. How her husband fell for her, I will never know. Then again, I suppose it takes all kinds.
I'm not sure which it is, cheating or plain lying, but frankly, I don't really give a damn either. The very fact that she's doing it, lying endlessly about her having lung cancer, that her husband burned down the last apartment because he fell asleep with a cigarette in his hand (he does not, has not, and won't ever even try a cigarette... this is a blatant lie), etc etc... you get the idea.
So then, I have her caught. She has freely given out all the info about herself to verify that it is her... right down to her birthday, and when she got married.
I realize that she is, in short, nothing but a desperate attention whore, wanting to get sympathy out of people on that board... a gas price board of all bloody things *shakes head*
However - I have been catching the lies since I first met her. I have endured her incessant rambling and disgusting attitude, and this was the absolute last straw. The matter has become very, very personal now.
So, my question is this. Which of the two responses do you think will have the greatest sudden impact of "oh shit..." when I make my first post under her post on the message board?

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a)
(sisinlaw's user handle) said:
"i got a new place and that loser is gone so i'm back on the market."
So, are you really looking for someone new, just trying to cheat on (husband's name here), or playing the "I'm anonymous! I can say whatever I want! No one will know it's me!" game with the people here on this board?
Tsk, tsk... not nice of you to badmouth him on a messageboard, especially with lies about your apartment burning down. A cigarette? Are you kidding? Lung cancer? What kind of attention whore are you?
Btw, hi - this is your sister-in-law, in case you haven't the brains to figure that out yet.
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or
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b)
(sisinlaw user's handle),
Hi. This is your sister-in-law.
See you tomorrow.
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Part a) is more to oust her to the rest of the board she so treasures hanging on her every-made-up misery, rather than letting her know that I have caught her. Part b) is simply the latter.
This is but the beginning of a long, and glorious torture. She has about as much for brains in her head as does the head of a nail... but I am insulting nails...
And additionally, if any of you come up with better, please post it.
I am, to say the least, angry beyond reason at the moment, and finding it rather hard to think very clearly about this subject and what exactly to say. There are so many things I want to say, that they are becoming rather jumbled.
And please, spare me the "I'm sorry" posts. I don't want to see it.
What I want to see "here's what I'd do" posts, as evil and surly as you can possibly make them. Afterall, this IS the internet... and she wants to play games. I am about to make her dearly beloved online life absolute hell.
Give me your worst ladies and gentlemen. Thanks.