Well crap.. venting and confessions from a food addict

[liquidstayce]

I fuxored up big time at the holiday party we had at Austin Grill (tex-mex -place). First time in 8 months. I ate way to many chips and had zero room for the stuff I should have been eating like the grilled chicken tacos.
I drank with my food too which is a HUGE no no for gastric bypass patients for the rest of their lives because it defeats the purpose of the pouch/smaller stomach they make you and basically flushes out the food you ate faster and let you eat more food then you should. I knew exactly what I was doing too. I guess I just wanted to eat "normally" like my co-workers. The thing is.. I am different since my surgery and I can't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh it gets better.... Then my boss gives us all gold chocolate coins for holiday presents. I figure aww... how sweet. I'll just give them to Mop since I am not suppose to have any sugar. Anything with a lot of sugar in it should make me dump and does 99% of the time. DUMPING - Not fun!
Think taco bell style colon cleansing to the 10th power that includes your heart racing, dizziness, diarrhea, and sometimes throwing up. A little sugar is ok.. like one bite of something but more then that you are usually screwed. One of the benefits of the pouch. Helps you change behavior.

Well as I sit in traffic for an hour in this shitty weather I down 8 of the coins half expecting to make myself sick before I can even get to the front door. I guess maybe I was thinking it would be like a laxative effect and get rid of those chips plus it tasted so good. Well I never get sick and then OHHHH THE GUILT for even letting that idea cross my mind. I can't believe I ate so much sugar and I can't believe I let myself think so twisted about eating more to just make me dump.. that is like bulimic thinking. I've never been bulimic my issue was/is just compulsive overeating.

Ok... total temporary lapse. I'm back on track now though. Back to my Super Foods =)

Crazy... I hit a milestone this week and then go and do something like this. Ok ok.. trying not to obsess over it.. learning from it and moving on.
I should have done the 2 for 1 surgery option and got the lobotomy with the gastric bypass.

By no means was this surgery an "easy way out." I just hate when people say that. Once you are a food addict... always a food addict. It really just is a tool and I came to terms a long time ago that I'd have issues with food and always need to be on guard for the rest of my life and be fighting this battle with obesity regardless what size I end up being. It really is no different then being a drug addict or alcoholic.. problem with food addiction is we still have to eat. It is all a balancing act. I guess I just need to remind myself of that.

[Eziekial]

So you fell off the wagon or something?

[liquidstayce]

Yes but I'm fine now. I plead temporary insanity. Just needed to vent and show you all how crazy I am when it comes to food. Gives you some insight on how a food addict thinks. Somehow even without getting sick and eating all the salt and sugar I'm down another couple lbs this morning. I guess I didn't do as much damage as I thought but I am not going to take any chances like that again.

Mop's mom is going to be staying with us and is flying in Christmas Day from San Jose, CA. She ALWAYS brings chocolate. I'll make sure to stay far away from it or make Dana bring it to work and eat it.

Trying to eat healthy during the holiday season is such a pain in the ass. I will make it though!!!!!!!!

[Darcler]

I dont eat healthy and I should. (Eat healthy meaning eatting regularly)
We are going to CT for Xmas and his family is Italian. The food is OH so good and I think I am probably going to stuff myself with perogis (sp?) and cookies.
His mom makes turkey, taters, stuffing (which I will feed my face on) sweet potatoes and other random things. I dont really like eating there because she is so proper and they dont talk during dinner which makes me very uncomfortable for some reason. Then they take their coffee (apple cider for me) and dessert downstairs. Comes out on a silver tray. I dont like it there.
My family is having two seperate Xmas days, one this Sat for my moms family and one closer to New Years for my dads family. Sat is probably going to be enchiladas and New Years will probably be ham, taters, and misc stuff. We talk and laugh. I like that.

[The Kizzy]

Stayce, everyone goes through some kind of "change" through the holidays. The difference is that you know what you did, and you know it was wrong. Stop being so hard on yourself, you still look great, and you had your one slip up and now you are back to eating healthy. You've made it this far!!!

[liquidstayce]

Thanks.. =)

[Gypsiyee]

If it makes you feel any better, my menu for today was 4 krispy kreme donuts and a half a bag of combos

[Martrae]

Small lapses just mean you're human. I know you'll get yourself back on track ASAP. Especially now you have that cool new spinning bike!

[Adivina]

Stayce,

As long as you do not do this frequently you are fine! You are a normal human being and are perfectly entitled to indulge now and then!!! Most really strict diet followers have something that they call "guilt-free days", it varies how often for the person, it could be once a month or once a week. On that day they allow themselves to indulge and eat the food they normally would not. Studies have proven days like this worked into a healthy diet are actually more benficial than harmful because they help to quell the cravings for junk that people normally have, less cravings = less stressing. Also I will look for the article on it, but several doctors found that it actually helps to boost your metabolism to take one of these days now and then.

So pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments so far, because they have been amazing, and then chalk this up to be one of your "guilt-free days". Don't feel bad about it, just put it behind you and move on. Chances are eating that chocolate helped with some cravings too didn't it?

*edited to add in another tidbit of info*

[liquidstayce]

I am familar with the Free day concept. I suggest it to others all the time too. I just can't do something destructive like I did this past week with the:
1) intentionally drinking liquid with food to fit in more food into my small stomach
2)eat crappy food to make myself dump intentionally to get rid of that food
3)thinking I can eat hours on end with a group of friends when I go out for dinner - I need to eat over 20 minutes and not snack for 3 hrs straight on tortilla chips.

I'm completely cool with planned portion controlled "free" snacks. Matter of fact, every once in a while I was getting a stick of biscotti with my starbucks latte with Dana. Sometimes I'd do a small egg nog latte instead of my usual sugar free vanilla skim milk latte. Last night I even had some portion controlled vinegar and salt vicky's potato chips with an italian cold cut sub from Quiznos...mmm toasty. I don't think thats an issue once in a while. I don't eat perfect all the time.. just most of the time. I just need to watch out for those other behaviors I listed. I can have a free meal or snack without doing those.

THanks =)

[Adivina]

mmmm Quiznos..... I'm hungry