Martrae wrote:I was talking mostly about mentally.
oh.. I am still completely insane too
Maybe even more so. I didn't get a free lobotomy with this procedure.
I think the hormonal imbalance is making me even worse. I am moody, paranoid, and tired today.
Time for me to get back into therapy. It has been many years since I have gone to a therapist .. at least a good 10-15 years. Now is a good time though to find one. I don't want to replace one addiction for another and I need to be so careful with my personality especially considering I can't "self-medicate" with food and balance out those serotonin levels that way anymore.
I was talking to my surgeon the other day about how a lot of patients will replace one addiction with another or are cross addicts. He said to me.. "hmm .. you don't smoke... you were never a big drinker... are you shopping for lots of clothes?".. YEP!...light bulb went off!!!!! Then he says ... shopaholic, be careful. So no more buying clothes for me for a while. I do get this huge rush everytime I get a new outfit that looks great.
I was such a total gamer addict too back in the day. It is one of the reasons why I can't play WoW or EQ anymore. I just can't handle it. I play way compulsively. I can't just play for an hour here or there.. it ends up turning into 10 hours and days on end.. every chance I get.. then it starts messing up my real life. I was left feeling that I was missing out on so much when I was obsessed with EQ.
My surgeon was also talking about how some women who drop the weight just get addicted to the new male attention that they did not get in the past. His old support group called it "The Whore Phase." I told him I am safe from that since I am married, love my husband, and never really had an issue with getting male attention but I can really see how this could happen. I saw pictures of a girl the other day that started over 300 lbs and is now wearing hooters t- shirts. Then I am thinking to myself.. that was so me when I played EQ. I was a big time EQ ho and just use to thrive off that male attention (well until I found Dana). Then I was cured!
My surgeon was also saying how he had one couple that both had the surgery. The woman was a nurse and her husband was an alcoholic. He started drinking right after he lost the weight. She then justified eating lots and lots of M&M's since he was also drinking. Ends up that the woman was pissed off because he never gained the weight back but she did. She started back on all her old behaviors.. emotional eating, etc. What a mess.
Ya.. going to therapy for sure! No way I am going to let any of this happen to me.