Bush appointed Bolton as UN Ambassador

[Eziekial]

Go Braves!

[Captain Insano]

Dude... if it was any deeper, I'd be in China.

Speaking of deep things anyone ever seen that movie "The Core".

Basically the earth's core stops spinning and the electricity storms start killing everyone? Man that movie was super fucking stupid... Like possibly worse than S T E A L T H.
It was so bad I was GLUED to the TV for the whole thing, veritably mesmerized by the crappiness of it all.

Now honestly if they filled the UN with cripples and well trained shit-zu's circus dogs they couldn't possibly do any LESS than the UN already does. Why anyone gives a shit who gets appointed is beyond me... I mean when they get someone with some nuts to lead the thing instead of Bill Cosby it might be worth reconsidering.

[xaoshaen]

Dude... if it was any deeper, I'd be in China.

Speaking of deep things anyone ever seen that movie "The Core".

Basically the earth's core stops spinning and the electricity storms start killing everyone? Man that movie was super fucking stupid... Like possibly worse than S T E A L T H.
It was so bad I was GLUED to the TV for the whole thing, veritably mesmerized by the crappiness of it all.

Hell yes, I saw the Core. I could hardly pass on possibly the worst cinematic science in history could I? "It's a giant geode!" We laughed hysterically throughout the entire movie. It was even better than watching Bruce Willis emote in slow motion during Hostage.

Now honestly if they filled the UN with cripples and well trained shit-zu's circus dogs they couldn't possibly do any LESS than the UN already does. Why anyone gives a shit who gets appointed is beyond me... I mean when they get someone with some nuts to lead the thing instead of Bill Cosby it might be worth reconsidering.

Heh, did you see the UN crackdown on the abuse of children in warzones? Essentially they vowed to streamline their reporting procedures and to publicly name the worst offenders. It was brilliant.

[Martrae]

Rimmer: Erm, but here's my proposal: Let's get tough. The time for talking is over. Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major -- and I mean >major< -- leaflet campaign, and while it's reeling from that, we'd follow up with a [whist?] drive, a car boot sale, some street theatre and possibly even some benefit concerts. OK? Now, if that's not enough, I'm sorry, it's time for the T-shirts: "Mutants Out" ... "Chameleonic Life Forms, No Thanks" ... and if that's not enough, well, I don't know what will be.

Rimmer: Erm, I think we're losing sight of the real issue here, which is 'What are we gonna call ourselves?' Erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between 'The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is 'The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'. Erm, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is 'CLITORIS'.

Sorry...but that scene always reminds me of the UN.

[xaoshaen]

Well, Rimmer is the prototypical bureaucrat, and the UN is an exemplary lesson on the stagnation of a bureaucracy.

[Minrott]

"I would just like to say that the misdeeds of the Bush Administration can not go ignored!" Ted Kennedy said on the Senate floor, "He's like a drunkenness that overtakes us and causes us to careen off a bridge. Maybe we can get ourselves out of that car, but there are still others left, sinking inside. Calling the police would seem to some to be the best course of action, but that's not what I'm going to do. That's not what the American people would want. That's..."

A bell rung.

"RECESS!!!"

The Congress all cheered and ran out back to the Capitol playground. Some went for the swing sets while others played hop scotch. Another group played touch football.

"You tagged me too hard!" Voinovich yelled and then started crying.

"Give the ball back!" Frist yelled at Hillary.

"No! It's mine!" Hillary answered, running off.

Unknown to Congress, they were being watched from afar.

President Bush set down his binoculars. "Good, the fools are all at recess. It is time to unleash... THE BOLTON! Muh ha ha ha!"

"Are you mad?" Scott McClellan shouted, "He's been locked in there waiting for a vote for weeks now! He's gotten even crazier! He'll..."

Scott was silenced with a backhand to the face. "Quiet, fool!" Bush yelled. "Condi, will do the honors and release him?"

"Certainly," Condoleezza Rice answered as she smiled evilly. She then grabbed a rope connected to a lock on the steel doors. With a yank, the lock was undone. Suddenly, the iron doors were smashed open.

"Bolton smash!" Bolton screamed, his mustache bristling with anger, "Bolton destroy!"

"Control him!" Bush commanded Condi.

"You want to destroy the U.N.," Condi told Bolton in a soothing voice, "It's the U.N. you hate."

"Bolton... crush... U.N.!" Bolton shouted and then stomped off.

A red rubber ball landed near Bush's feet. Harry Reid then came running after it grumbling, "If Santorum was the one who kicked it so hard, he should have to go get it." Reid then saw Bush and Bolton storming off in the distance. "You appointed Bolton while we were at recess!" he shouted at Bush, "You're a doo-doo head! That's what you are!"

"Get back to recess," Bush answered as he picked up the ball, "I'll help you play." He threw the ball as hard as he could into Reid's face, knocking him to the ground and breaking his glasses. "There, you're out."

"We were playing kickball, not dodgeball," Reid cried. "You're the meanest President ever!"

"Throw him into the Pit of Doom!" Bush commanded Scott.

"We don't have a Pit of Doom."

"Then throw him into the... uh... Potomac."

"That's not really my job as Press Secretary..."

Bush smacked Scott again. "DO IT!"

* * * *

"The Bolton is coming!" Kofi Annan screeched, "Someone fill out the paperwork needed to allow guns to be fired in defense of the U.N."

The bureaucrats got hard at work. Kofi then handed the papers out to the armed guards instructing them on the two places they had to initial and where to sign and date at the bottom.

"Bolton destroy U.N.!" came a cry. Kofi looked out to see Bolton emerge from the water, walking in steady pace towards the U.N. Headquarters.

"Quick!" Kofi screamed, "Someone notarize those documents so we can begin shooting at him!"

A couple notary publics raced to stamp the documents. Then, the guard opened fire on Bolton.

This made Bolton so enraged he put his hand on his hips. He shouted, "'Stache Strength!" and then his mustached glowed until the glow covered all of Bolton. Now the bullets merely deflected off of him as he continued slowly walking towards the U.N. Headquarters.

"The Bolton is unstoppable!" screamed one aide.

"What do we do now?" a diplomat cried.

Kofi Annan stood still as he watched Bolton come ever closer. "We die."

* * * *

"In local news, a tubby man was seen throwing Senator Reid into the Potomac," the anchorwoman said, "Now back to our top story: The U.N. Headquarters, upon accepting Bolton as the U.S. Ambassador, has been reduced to a radioactive pile of rubble."

"Bolton 'reformed' the U.N. even quicker than I hoped," Bush laughed, "Muh ha ha ha!"

"No evil laughter in bed!" Laura shouted as she turned off the T.V.

"Sorry, dear."

[Harrison]

That was fucking great