by Gypsiyee » Fri Nov 14, 2008 12:36 pm
you might not be happy with me after this post, and that's okay because I don't mean it to be personal at all - but I have to respectfully agree to disagree.
On the first count, they're two completely different situations. A grandfather is not a son, especially a son who is still a child. A grandfather is grown, has lived his life in its entirety, and has had the capability and the time to embrace his end. You did not raise your grandfather and give him life. The bond between parent and child should be unmistakable and cannot be compared to any other relationship. A child is alone in the world when it comes understanding death. Parents are a child's strength in times of turmoil. A parent not visiting their dying child is highly disturbing.
This is the part you won't like, but I'm guilty of it myself - I didn't visit my gramma as often as I should've when she was in the hospital, either. It's not that I didn't love her, I love her very, very much. We were very close. But I was selfish - visiting her sick was awkward and uncomfortable, and I simply didn't want to be around it. I selfishly wanted to remember her another way. She was old and dying, and that's not the gramma I knew or wanted to know. I visited her, but only as much as I felt she needed rather than as much as I should've. I wish I would've spent more time with her, but this is almost always how it goes with grandparents. I'd wager more often than not, people are like you and me and don't see their grandparents enough before they die.
A child is another story. Your child is another story. There is no room for selfishness concerning your child and their untimely death. We forgive ourselves our grandparents because we expect to bury them - this is pretty normal, and almost always how it works out. To seldom see your grandparent is unfortunate, but not so despicable as not seeing your own child.
It is the worst thing to ever have to do to bury your own child; to deprive them of the only support and love they will have in the hospital after such a short life is every bit an indication of how you care for them.
"I think you may be confusing government running amok with government doing stuff you don't like. See, you're in the
minority now. It's
supposed to taste like a shit taco." - Jon Stewart