EEEEEEEEEEEP.... VARMINTS!!!

Sidle up to the bar (Lightly Moderated)

Moderator: Dictators in Training

EEEEEEEEEEEP.... VARMINTS!!!

Postby Captain Insano » Sun Apr 24, 2005 5:59 pm

My backyard is a veritable jungle at my current house. I have a giant possum, a baby possum, 2 cats that fight each other like pirates and ninja's and now a bloody HUGE racoon living in the back.

Last night I went out for a smoke and thought there was a huge cat standing in the shadows. When I got within about 3 feet I saw the hugest racoon ever and he was staring at me with a "what the fuck you looking at?" look on his face. I was shocked that he didn't run off. He just kinda sauntered off with that kinda pimp walk that is indigenous to racoons.

Do racoons make good pets? I was thinking about capturing him?
Tossica: No, you're gay because you suck on cocks.

Darcler:
Get rid of the pictures of the goofy looking white guy. That opens two right there.

Mazzletoffarado: That's me fucktard
Vivalicious wrote:Lots of females don't want you to put your penis in their mouths. Some prefer it in their ass.
User avatar
Captain Insano
Nappy Headed Ho
Nappy Headed Ho
 
Posts: 8368
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: SoCal

Postby Narrock » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:00 pm

That raccoon would have owned you. They get extremely pissy and dangerous.
“The more I study science the more I believe in God.” -- Albert Einstein
Narrock
NT Patron
NT Patron
 
Posts: 16679
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2004 11:54 pm
Location: Folsom, CA

Postby Diabolik » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:02 pm

Raccoon in Japanese is tanuki. I think that should be its name.
Mindia wrote:Yes Kizzy, and if given the opportunity I would love to SPIT in your face right now, you fucking PIG.
User avatar
Diabolik
NT Bixie
NT Bixie
 
Posts: 0
Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2004 8:18 am
Location: Yo momma house

Postby Captain Insano » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:12 pm

Mindia wrote:That raccoon would have owned you. They get extremely pissy and dangerous.


really? that sucks. I wish more animals could be domesticated. i want an attack sloth.

Maybe if I get one of those things thats a pole with a loop on the end I can capture him and take him for walks and pick up crazy amounts of chicks.

What do raccoons eat?
Tossica: No, you're gay because you suck on cocks.

Darcler:
Get rid of the pictures of the goofy looking white guy. That opens two right there.

Mazzletoffarado: That's me fucktard
Vivalicious wrote:Lots of females don't want you to put your penis in their mouths. Some prefer it in their ass.
User avatar
Captain Insano
Nappy Headed Ho
Nappy Headed Ho
 
Posts: 8368
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: SoCal

Postby Diabolik » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:23 pm

ralfmacchio wrote:i want an attack sloth.


"SIC 'EM, BOY! You wait there, mother fucker. When he reaches you in 30 minutes, he's gonna rip your ass apart!"

ralfmacchio wrote:What do raccoons eat?


Lips and assholes.
Mindia wrote:Yes Kizzy, and if given the opportunity I would love to SPIT in your face right now, you fucking PIG.
User avatar
Diabolik
NT Bixie
NT Bixie
 
Posts: 0
Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2004 8:18 am
Location: Yo momma house

Postby Narrock » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:43 pm

Raccoons are scavengers. They will eat anything that can be ingested.
“The more I study science the more I believe in God.” -- Albert Einstein
Narrock
NT Patron
NT Patron
 
Posts: 16679
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2004 11:54 pm
Location: Folsom, CA

Postby Harrison » Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:04 pm

And if you can get a baby raccoon they are easily domesticated.
How do you like this spoiler, motherfucker? -Lyion
User avatar
Harrison
NT Legend
NT Legend
 
Posts: 20323
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2004 12:13 am
Location: New Bedford, MA

Postby Jimmy Durante » Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:09 pm

Racoons are the #1 killer of cats in my neck of the woods. Periodically, I'll wake up at 3am to the screams of Morris getting ripped to shreds by a family of agitated racoons. If you leave your cat out at night, there's a good probability you'll find it in ribbons the next morning.
Jimmy Durante
NT Veteran
NT Veteran
 
Posts: 1106
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:42 pm
Location: Otisburg

Postby Martrae » Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:13 pm

Friend of mine had baby raccoons. You have to be careful what you teach them tho cuz once they hit full-size they can be a terror.
Inside each person lives two wolves. One is loyal, kind, respectful, humble and open to the mystery of life. The other is greedy, jealous, hateful, afraid and blind to the wonders of life. They are in battle for your spirit. The one who wins is the one you feed.
User avatar
Martrae
Admin Abuse Squad
Admin Abuse Squad
 
Posts: 11962
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:46 am
Location: Georgia

Postby veeneedefeesh » Sun Apr 24, 2005 8:33 pm

I knew a guy that had a coon for a pet, it was pretty cool, if you dont mind an animal tearing up your house all the time. Coons have opposable thumbs this makes them the ultimate hoodini-like crack artists. There was virtually nothing my friend could find to keep his food in (except cans, but I had faith that eventually the coon would figure out the can opener) The coon would get into and eat anything vaguely resembling food. Because tehy are good climbers, putting things up high was useless. Coons are smart too, he figured out how to use a doggy door, and he also figured out how to get back into the house when he was locked out. (Attic) They can be mean too if you mess with thier food ie anything in their territory or in this case my friends house.

They are cool tho and like I said fairly smart animals fun to play around with, but not something you want to let into your home.
A man can only live twice, once when he is born, and once when he has looked death in the eye~~~~Japanese Proverb

<img src="http://www.namelesstavern.org/phpBB2/album_pic.php?pic_id=730">
User avatar
veeneedefeesh
NT Veteran
NT Veteran
 
Posts: 1559
Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2004 12:02 pm

Postby Adivina » Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:13 pm

Aryylas had a baby racoon when he was younger. Kind of funny you mentioned the idea of having one as a pet, because we were just talking about the one he had when he was a child about an hour ago in the car.

LOL, Scarily enough he also claims he wants a pet sloth.... I am starting to see some scary similarities.
Donnel wrote:
Erodalak wrote:Who needs an education when you are hawt like advina

fixt :P
User avatar
Adivina
NT Deity
NT Deity
 
Posts: 4929
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 7:06 pm

Postby Captain Insano » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:04 am

hehe.... I want one or both. Varmints are cool pets.
Tossica: No, you're gay because you suck on cocks.

Darcler:
Get rid of the pictures of the goofy looking white guy. That opens two right there.

Mazzletoffarado: That's me fucktard
Vivalicious wrote:Lots of females don't want you to put your penis in their mouths. Some prefer it in their ass.
User avatar
Captain Insano
Nappy Headed Ho
Nappy Headed Ho
 
Posts: 8368
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: SoCal

Postby Darcler » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:07 am

There was a possum that wandered into my backyard one night a couple years ago. My dog attacked the shit out of it. When it went limp, Gin stopped "playing" with it and went to bed. The possum was paralyzed from the middle of it back and down, so it scooted its way out of the yard with its front legs. The next morning I was getting into the car to go to school and I saw it still crawling around, the fucker wouldnt die, its amazing since it lost a lot of blood. I went back into the yard, got a shovel, scooped it up and flung it into my neighbors yard.

Point of the post: Get a possum, they dont die.
User avatar
Darcler
Saran Wrap Princess
Saran Wrap Princess
 
Posts: 7161
Joined: Thu Jun 17, 2004 10:54 pm
Location: Dallas, TX

Postby Diekan » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:26 am

Mindia wrote:Raccoons are scavengers. They will eat anything that can be ingested.


including ralphmacios who try to capture them.
User avatar
Diekan
NT Deity
NT Deity
 
Posts: 5736
Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2004 10:14 am

Postby Diekan » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:28 am

veeneedefeesh wrote:I knew a guy that had a coon for a pet, it was pretty cool, if you dont mind an animal tearing up your house all the time. Coons have opposable thumbs this makes them the ultimate hoodini-like crack artists. There was virtually nothing my friend could find to keep his food in (except cans, but I had faith that eventually the coon would figure out the can opener) The coon would get into and eat anything vaguely resembling food. Because tehy are good climbers, putting things up high was useless. Coons are smart too, he figured out how to use a doggy door, and he also figured out how to get back into the house when he was locked out. (Attic) They can be mean too if you mess with thier food ie anything in their territory or in this case my friends house.

They are cool tho and like I said fairly smart animals fun to play around with, but not something you want to let into your home.


I didn't think that was legal anymore. Thought Slavery laws were gone.? :dunno:
User avatar
Diekan
NT Deity
NT Deity
 
Posts: 5736
Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2004 10:14 am

Postby Diabolik » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:40 am

Diekan wrote:I didn't think that was legal anymore. Thought Slavery laws were gone.? :dunno:


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Mindia wrote:Yes Kizzy, and if given the opportunity I would love to SPIT in your face right now, you fucking PIG.
User avatar
Diabolik
NT Bixie
NT Bixie
 
Posts: 0
Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2004 8:18 am
Location: Yo momma house

Postby Narrock » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:40 am

http://www.ivis.org/advances/Parasit_Bo ... er_frm.asp

and... he's saying, "Please Ralph, please stick your finger in this cage and rub my nose... please?!" "I won't bite your finger Ralph, I promise."

Image
“The more I study science the more I believe in God.” -- Albert Einstein
Narrock
NT Patron
NT Patron
 
Posts: 16679
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2004 11:54 pm
Location: Folsom, CA

Postby Captain Insano » Mon Apr 25, 2005 1:54 am

Mindia wrote:http://www.ivis.org/advances/Parasit_Bowman/bowman_baylisascariasis/chapter_frm.asp

and... he's saying, "Please Ralph, please stick your finger in this cage and rub my nose... please?!" "I won't bite your finger Ralph, I promise."

Image



I would just feed him a huge scoop of chunky skippy peanut butter and put mittens on him and then play with him. He would be to busy enjoying the peanut buttery goodness and warm paws he wouldn't be angsty like finawin and bite.

Then I would train him to kill. They would be no end to the awsomeness if I had a pack of about 15 raccoons that obeyed my every command. I tell you what the neighbor next door would be totally jacked next time she called the cops about my "loud heavy metalz music".
Tossica: No, you're gay because you suck on cocks.

Darcler:
Get rid of the pictures of the goofy looking white guy. That opens two right there.

Mazzletoffarado: That's me fucktard
Vivalicious wrote:Lots of females don't want you to put your penis in their mouths. Some prefer it in their ass.
User avatar
Captain Insano
Nappy Headed Ho
Nappy Headed Ho
 
Posts: 8368
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: SoCal

Postby Captain Insano » Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:00 am

Oh.


I just read the article about killer raccoon crap. Hmm I guess playing with them is out of the question but could they be trained to poop on my enemies? I am sure I could enhance the effect if I fed my army of raccoons week old carne asada from Mexico Vieho down the street.

The possibilities are endless. I could rule the world. :2m16: :2m16: :2m16: :2m16:
Tossica: No, you're gay because you suck on cocks.

Darcler:
Get rid of the pictures of the goofy looking white guy. That opens two right there.

Mazzletoffarado: That's me fucktard
Vivalicious wrote:Lots of females don't want you to put your penis in their mouths. Some prefer it in their ass.
User avatar
Captain Insano
Nappy Headed Ho
Nappy Headed Ho
 
Posts: 8368
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: SoCal

Postby liquidstayce » Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:04 am

lol.. the visual of you putting mittens on him and feeding him PB is just too funny
Racoons are so cute.. too bad they are so evil. Maybe you can get a ferret army trained to rule the world?
~stacy
liquidstayce
NT Veteran
NT Veteran
 
Posts: 1689
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2004 11:17 am
Location: B-More

Postby veeneedefeesh » Mon Apr 25, 2005 6:30 am

Diekan wrote:I didn't think that was legal anymore. Thought Slavery laws were gone.? :dunno:
:rofl:

Interesting story: I was up in Kentucky on business. My client took us out to dinner, he wanted to hear some "Local Flavor" from New Orleans, so I started telling Coon-ass jokes, after a few minutes my client says, "you might not want to say that word again.." I was confused. Here in South La, people have bumper stickers proclaiming that they are "Registered coon-asses" (meaning true cajun) when I asked about it, he pointed to a table full of black people glaring at me and said,"Coon-ass don't mean the same thing here that it means down there...."
User avatar
veeneedefeesh
NT Veteran
NT Veteran
 
Posts: 1559
Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2004 12:02 pm

Postby Adivina » Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:29 am

Maybe you can get a ferret army trained to rule the world?



I was trying, but then my baby Tempest died of heart failure. /mourn. I have a piece of her hammock hanging from my rear view mirror, I buried her with the rest of it because she loved to raise hell in it.

Ferrets rock.
Donnel wrote:
Erodalak wrote:Who needs an education when you are hawt like advina

fixt :P
User avatar
Adivina
NT Deity
NT Deity
 
Posts: 4929
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 7:06 pm

Postby Adivina » Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:32 am

PS. Her best ferrety skill was dive bombing, she was training to be a stealth ninja at it. We would put her on the counter and she would run full speed and leap off the end of it with her legs flailing, land on the floor, skid, then run back to me squeeking and hopping around until I put her up to repeat the process.
Donnel wrote:
Erodalak wrote:Who needs an education when you are hawt like advina

fixt :P
User avatar
Adivina
NT Deity
NT Deity
 
Posts: 4929
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 7:06 pm

Postby Captain Insano » Mon Apr 25, 2005 11:41 am

hahah thats too cool
Tossica: No, you're gay because you suck on cocks.

Darcler:
Get rid of the pictures of the goofy looking white guy. That opens two right there.

Mazzletoffarado: That's me fucktard
Vivalicious wrote:Lots of females don't want you to put your penis in their mouths. Some prefer it in their ass.
User avatar
Captain Insano
Nappy Headed Ho
Nappy Headed Ho
 
Posts: 8368
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: SoCal

Postby brinstar » Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:12 pm

liquidstayce wrote:Maybe you can get a ferret army trained to rule the world?


<center>[font=impact]AMERICA!!!
Image
FUCK YEAH!!!!
[/font]
</center>
compost the rich
User avatar
brinstar
Cat Crew
Cat Crew
 
Posts: 13139
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 1:45 pm
Location: 402

Next

Return to Cap's Alehouse

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 17 guests