Lazy Man's Sport.

[Eldred]

Rock, Paper, Scissors - Shoot!

The combatants face each other over a high-top table as a crowd of beer drinkers shout encouragement. The referee, a curvy brunette in a tight black T-shirt, clenches a manicured hand and calls out: "Ready? One! Two! Three! Shoot!"

They gathered at a Sarasota Hooter's in mid January to witness, or to take part in, an ancient game of hand-to-hand combat that has solved some of life's toughest questions -- like who rides shotgun, or who gets the last slice of pizza.

Laugh if you will, but Rock Paper Scissors is on its way to becoming an organized, worldwide sensation.

This seemingly simplistic game has strategies and guidebooks, college clubs and a subculture that considers RPS (as they call it) a sport.

Still don't believe it? There's even a worldwide competition. Last year 750 competitors played.

The rules are simple: Rock smashes scissors. Paper smothers rock. Scissors cut paper.

"We are under no illusion that this is the most brilliant game mankind has ever created," said Doug Walker, who helped write "The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide," which has sold 20,000 copies.

According to the World RPS Society, a 4,000-member group dedicated to promoting the game, Rock Paper Scissors is one of the most popular games on the planet. It dates to at least the 18th century to a game called Jan Ken Pon in Japan.

Many people think it's all about luck, but regulars say Rock Paper Scissors involves strategy -- planning a set of throws in advance -- and an almost pokerlike ability to sense what others will do.

"Is your opponent leaning toward you, acting aggressive? They are probably going to throw a rock," said Walker, who also helps run the World RPS Society.

First throws can set the tone of the match. Men, he says, usually throw rocks. Women go for scissors.

Walker referred to RPS as a "progressive sporting organization" -- in other words, one where it's more than acceptable to play and to drink beer.

So it's no surprise the game is popping up on college campuses. Last year, students from 100 schools across the United States competed in a collegiate championship. From April 5 to 8, representatives from 130 campuses will flock to New York's Madison Square Garden for this year's tournament, where the grand prize is $5,000.

On a drunken whim, Logan Schneider started a Rock Paper Scissors club at the University of Florida. Two summers ago, he and some buddies were at an apartment when the munchies hit. They all wanted the last slice of Hawaiian-style pizza.

They reverted to Rock Paper Scissors. Schneider won, and in his altered state of mind, thought, "This would make an awesome club."

He says the game uses psychological manipulation and interpretation. He's constantly analyzing his competitors, looking for twitching fingers that might tip him off to a scissors throw. It's stupid but fun, said friend and fellow UF student Branko Kerkez.

"We wouldn't put it on our resume or anything," says the 21-year-old Kerkez.

A series of tournaments in the Sarasota area kicked off in January as part of a national search by Bud Light for the country's best Rock Paper Scissors player (ages 21 and over, of course). Regional winners get a free trip to Las Vegas, where finalists from all over the country will compete for $50,000.

For those who compete, things can get tense.

Fists pound palms.

Fingers fly.

Then come victory dances and high-fives, groans and hugs from friends.

At a recent tournament, one man grunted like a caveman when he advanced to Round 3 while his opponent gazed helplessly at his outstretched fingers.

"I haven't seen people get that excited winning gold medals," said contestant Jeff Rodhouse, 30, of Sarasota.

The final round came down to a petite college student named Regina Margnelli and Andy Bulley, a restaurant manager.

Margnelli crushed Bulley like a beer can in two lightning-quick sets.

Margnelli hurled scissors to Bulley's paper, threw paper to his rock. Afterward, she shook her booty like a go-go dancer and screamed. Describing the feeling, she said: "It's like I've been giggling for hours. I'm, like, the most nonathletic person in the world, and I finally got to play something."

Don't worry about Bulley or any of the others who lost. They say the consolation prize -- a free beer -- made the effort worthwhile.

[Phlegm]

What's going to be next. Masterbation for the gold medal in the next olympics?

[Ouchyfish]

I would so kick everyone's asses. Might as well skip the ceremony and mail it to me now.