I saw this article posted somewhere, and thought of you
Page 1 of 4, the rest of the contract is found at the above link. Please forgive me if this is a repost. It's dated 2/17, and I didn't see it posted anywhere else, so I am thinking it's new.
Edit: Wanted to clarify that it was just the "Contract of Wifely Expectations" that reminded me of the Cpt, not the kidnapping/child pornography part.