High School Essays

[Yamori]

Got this fowarded to me via email.. pretty funny stuff. Makes me want to start writing again. :D

Extracts from High School Essays in which students were asked to use
analogies and metaphors.


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.



8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the
East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap
-only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

[xaoshaen]

Some nice ones in there.

Number nine reminded me of some of Pratchett's prose.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

[Tuggan]

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

yeah yeah.

[vonkaar]

6 is my favorite... 9 is fucking funny... 14 had me rolling...

funny shit

[xaoshaen]

6 is my favorite... 9 is fucking funny... 14 had me rolling...

funny shit

Yup, loved 14. Preferred 20 and 22 to 6 though.

[vonkaar]

If I read 20 on a paper... I'd give the student an A+ without reading another word.

[10sun]

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

That one had me laughing in the office with people wondering what is so funny.

14 is probably the best in my opinion.

-Adam

[Agrajag]

20 is my favorite by far! I have done 24 to my son, so that one will remain precious to me...

[Drem]

11 and 21