it took a long time to rebuild my relationship with our dad, too, but thankfully that's better now, too. age and maturity, methinks, plus a lot of good changes on his part.
same here. it took years and years to recover, specifically with my dad (which is such a long story spanning 2 decades that i can't even fathom explaining), but I tell you.. things come full circle. sometimes the one who was a primary contributor to the darkness you once endured turns out to be the light pulling you out of your current darkness. not sure where i would be without him these past few years.
real talk for sure, but honestly, I think that's a good thing. If nothing else good comes from this tragedy, it's gotten people to stop sweeping it under the rug and come out of hiding to actually discuss this shit. Being in that darkness is a very lonely place.. you feel like an outcast, that you're the only one who goes through it, that you're the only one who has these thoughts, that you're crazy and you can't talk to anyone about it because they won't care and you're already enough of a burden as is. it's not until people actually openly acknowledge their own personal struggles with this unbelievably common issue that you actually get the opportunity to realize that you're not alone.. that so many people you know go through the same exact shit, and just like you never knew it about them, they never knew it about you because you all hid it from everyone else.
I have a co-worker who just went into officer school for the Navy Reserve to become a chaplain. Part of his training included going around to people of different faith beliefs and asking their story as to how they came to believe as they do, and also to ask them their thoughts on suicide. The number of suicide deaths in the military is staggering, and often someone looking for help may not have someone of their faith available at one base or another when they need it the most, so in OCS for chaplains they try to get the future chaplains to understand how to provide solace and help for someone of another faith who is at risk for suicide. He knew I was an atheist, not because I openly discuss it at work but from another situation (long story, but basically a horrible boss who continuously tried to force me to pray and sabotaged my work often, once to the extent of almost losing half a million dollars on a project by drastically modifying, locking and passwording associated financial documents to alter fund sources for wire transactions so I couldn't fix them so she could then declare my incompetence).. anyway, as a result against a whole big thing with her, he knew i was an atheist so he came to me to ask those questions. we ended up talking on it for 3-4 hours, because I was the first person he had talked to who had personal experience with suicide, both with myself and with family and friends. He told me that information like that is invaluable, because most of the future chaplains he knows and even some that he's mentored with have no insight when it comes to that and consequently are haunted by thoughts of those they couldn't save because they just had no idea how to respond. That sure, they can read the how-tos and go through the training, but it's just not the same if you haven't actually interacted with someone who has been there. So yeah, I think the open communication is such an important step.. the lack of awareness and understanding and the stigma attached just do so much more harm than we realize, I think.