namelesstavern.net

The husband of one of my female friends has started spying on her email account. She's set up a new one, but I suggested she check to make sure he didn't install a key-logger on her computer. Is the best way to do that to install Ad-aware or Spy Bot (assuming they don't have it already) and run a scan?

Yes, there are other issues at work here. No, I'm not involved other than as a friend.

Thanks,
Menlaan

Stay out of it, she's probably cheating on him.

Harrison wrote:Stay out of it, she's probably cheating on him.

Yeah, no shit. Why would you want to be an accomplice to her misbehavings? /boggle

Just helping a friend. The guy is a douche-bag anyway. So.. would installing spy-bot pick up on it?

Is she going to leave him? If so, XoftSpy finds all that crap.

She's thinking about it. Thanks Minda

np

Menlaan wrote:Just helping a friend. The guy is a douche-bag anyway. So.. would installing spy-bot pick up on it?

if she's cheating, she's a douche bag too

I have pretty much zero tolerance for people who fuck around while in relationships

Exactly, I don't trust the word of a woman farther than I can see what she's doing myself.

Seeing as I am not omniscient, that isn't very far.

Tikker wrote:if she's cheating, she's a douche bag too

I have pretty much zero tolerance for people who fuck around while in relationships

I understand the sentiment since I recently broke up with a girl I went out with ~15 times when I found out that she was dating other people. But this is a friend of mine, not someone I'm dating, so I try not to be judgmental. Basically, she needs to figure some things out, and being inside of a virtual prison isn't going to let her do that. They don't have kids so NOW is the time for sorting things through.

Menlaan wrote:

Tikker wrote:if she's cheating, she's a douche bag too

I have pretty much zero tolerance for people who fuck around while in relationships

I understand the sentiment since I recently broke up with a girl I went out with ~15 times when I found out that she was dating other people. But this is a friend of mine, not someone I'm dating, so I try not to be judgmental. Basically, she needs to figure some things out, and being inside of a virtual prison isn't going to let her do that. They don't have kids so NOW is the time for sorting things through.

If she feels imprisoned and is unhappy with said "douchebag" then she should communicate that to him, get separated, and file for divorce, then start screwing around on the internet. Her priorities are a little mixed up, don't you think?

for once I agree with Mindia 100%

She's not doing date sites or anything like that. She needs a secure way to talk to the guy that she might leave her husband for to see if that's what she wants to do or not. I agree it would be nice to not be in this situation, but now that she's in it, she needs to resolve what she wants to do and then act on it.

Menlaan wrote:She's not doing date sites or anything like that. She needs a secure way to talk to the guy that she might leave her husband for to see if that's what she wants to do or not. I agree it would be nice to not be in this situation, but now that she's in it, she needs to resolve what she wants to do and then act on it.

You are not helping her look any better, if anything, she looks FAR worse than she did in your orginal post.
If she is thinking about leaving her husband, she should just do it. There is no reason to comparison shop after youre already married. This lady is a bitch and youre a cockhole for helping her out.
I agree with Mindia.

Menlaan wrote:She's not doing date sites or anything like that. She needs a secure way to talk to the guy that she might leave her husband for to see if that's what she wants to do or not. I agree it would be nice to not be in this situation, but now that she's in it, she needs to resolve what she wants to do and then act on it.

so, she is a dirty whore

I understand your perspectives, and I'm not trying to make her look better. As I said, she is my friend, and I'm trying to help her. She needs help getting out of a virtual prison and that's what I'm trying to do. To me, the bigger harm would be to either prematurely get out of a marriage when you're not sure that's what you want to do OR to prematurely stay in a marriage (pre-kids) when you have significant doubts. It would be best if she weren't in this situation, but she is. It's obviously a complicated situation, and I don't claim to understand it all.

Gonna move this to Alehouse. This is too good a discussion for Tech Support =P.

Oh and if I were you I wouldn't get involved. I agree with Mindia, unless of course the dude is beating the shit out of her and she's scared of him. In that case she needs to just pack up and go and the keylogger is the least of her worries. I would get out of the mix dude, unless you're tapping it. At least if you run the risk of getting punched in the face get some tang out of it.

Thanks, though any tech-support advice is still appreciated.

Since there's no way she or her husband are going to find the NT, I might as well post more info:
-- her husband already knows about the other person who she hasn't seen in a year (though still has some feelings for).
-- separating for a time isn't an option, because he has a new job that is going to require them to move from NY to TN in one month. She has to figure out what she wants to do right now
-- she thinks that she wants to stay in the current relationship, but really isn't sure and just wants to talk with the other guy to see how he feels (they had considered getting married themselves and they dated well before her current marriage which obviously isn't working out for many reasons that are too long to list right now)

I recognize that the vast majority of you think she is despicable, and that doesn't really bother me. I'm starting to enjoy the thread too. Rant away!

Menlaan wrote: To me, the bigger harm would be to either prematurely get out of a marriage when you're not sure that's what you want to do OR to prematurely stay in a marriage (pre-kids) when you have significant doubts.

bullshit

if she's already at the point where she's talking to a dude about knocking boots in the future she already deserves to get curb stomped out of the relationship (whether he's a douche bag or not, she clearly is)

Jay wrote:Oh and if I were you I wouldn't get involved. I agree with Mindia, unless of course the dude is beating the shit out of her and she's scared of him. In that case she needs to just pack up and go and the keylogger is the least of her worries. I would get out of the mix dude, unless you're tapping it. At least if you run the risk of getting punched in the face get some tang out of it.

Oh, and I'm not running any risk with it. I just have to have a phone conversation to tell her to install whatever that software Mindia recommended and a couple of other precautions to take. I'm not getting into the middle except to the extent that she confides in me, and I offer sympathy and solutions

Its not really a complicated situation. Two people made a mistake and got married too soon, and from the sounds of it, are continuing to make mistakes in order to rectify the situation.

She wants out, she should get out. If there is any feeling of her wanting to stay with her husband, she should sit down and talk with him (husband) and completely cut out the other guy.

At any rate, a lot of newer keyloggers are completely invisable to every program, so no matter what she installs, it might not pick up.

I called it.

Harrison wrote:I called it.

Way to go Sherlock.