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Student suspended for use of PHP
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 5:56 am
by Gidan
Kind of old but really made me laugh.
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.
"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."
Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."
In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.
Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:45 am
by araby
so what is PHP
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:53 am
by Gidan
A programming language. The language that was used to write this message board actually.
Re: Student suspended for use of PHP
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:32 am
by Captain Insano
Gidan wrote:Kind of old but really made me laugh.
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.
"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."
Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."
In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.
Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"
while I believe this is fake, I also believe teachers in the public school system would be this stupid.
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:36 am
by Tacks
It's obviously fake but still humorous.
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:48 am
by labbats
Pamela Lee's boobs are obviously fake, but full of enjoyment. Much like this thread.
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:23 am
by Harrison
I've been suspended for moving the task bar from the bottom to the right hand side of the desktop. "Malicious destruction of school property"
I later nearly got the computer teacher fired. Man that bitch was retarded.
I definitely believe this story happened or something very much like it had.
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:39 am
by Tossica
http://www.faronics.com/html/deepfreeze.asp
Keeps punk ass kids like Finawin in check!
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 2:29 pm
by Almegest Victory
That's 2 hours away from me and I used to live there a while ago....It's kansas...don't put anything past kansas.....lots of stupid shit happens here.
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 4:08 pm
by brinstar
fuck kansas
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:06 pm
by araby
I drove through Kansas and knew right away I didn't like the people there.
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:55 pm
by Almegest Victory
It's not Kansas...it's Klansas
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:43 pm
by brinstar
haha
Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:54 pm
by Captain Insano
Tossica wrote:http://www.faronics.com/html/deepfreeze.asp
Keeps punk ass kids like Finawin in check!
that sounds interesting but what is the difference between that and group policies?
laffo... I used to punish the retards I used to support in the military who kept breaking their computers downloading pr0n and free video games by making them a taskpad...
The entire screen had two buttons... One for email... the other for microsoft word. One day of that they quit fucking up my machines and causing me a ton of extra work.
Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 12:00 am
by Tossica
Deep Freeze lets them fuck up the machine as much as they want but all you have to do is reboot it and it's back to the default image again, every time. They can even delete system files, strip the registry etc and it magically resets itself. It owned for the labs I setup at the college I worked at.