EEEEEEEEEEEP.... VARMINTS!!!

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 5:59 pm

My backyard is a veritable jungle at my current house. I have a giant possum, a baby possum, 2 cats that fight each other like pirates and ninja's and now a bloody HUGE racoon living in the back.

Last night I went out for a smoke and thought there was a huge cat standing in the shadows. When I got within about 3 feet I saw the hugest racoon ever and he was staring at me with a "what the fuck you looking at?" look on his face. I was shocked that he didn't run off. He just kinda sauntered off with that kinda pimp walk that is indigenous to racoons.

Do racoons make good pets? I was thinking about capturing him?

Narrock · Post by **Narrock** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:00 pm

That raccoon would have owned you. They get extremely pissy and dangerous.

Diabolik · Post by **Diabolik** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:02 pm

Raccoon in Japanese is tanuki. I think that should be its name.

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:12 pm

Mindia wrote:That raccoon would have owned you. They get extremely pissy and dangerous.

really? that sucks. I wish more animals could be domesticated. i want an attack sloth.

Maybe if I get one of those things thats a pole with a loop on the end I can capture him and take him for walks and pick up crazy amounts of chicks.

What do raccoons eat?

Diabolik · Post by **Diabolik** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:23 pm

ralfmacchio wrote:i want an attack sloth.

"SIC 'EM, BOY! You wait there, mother fucker. When he reaches you in 30 minutes, he's gonna rip your ass apart!"

ralfmacchio wrote:What do raccoons eat?

Lips and assholes.

Narrock · Post by **Narrock** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:43 pm

Raccoons are scavengers. They will eat anything that can be ingested.

Harrison · Post by **Harrison** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:04 pm

And if you can get a baby raccoon they are easily domesticated.

Jimmy Durante · Post by **Jimmy Durante** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:09 pm

Racoons are the #1 killer of cats in my neck of the woods. Periodically, I'll wake up at 3am to the screams of Morris getting ripped to shreds by a family of agitated racoons. If you leave your cat out at night, there's a good probability you'll find it in ribbons the next morning.

Post by **Martrae** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:13 pm

Friend of mine had baby raccoons. You have to be careful what you teach them tho cuz once they hit full-size they can be a terror.

veeneedefeesh · Post by **veeneedefeesh** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 8:33 pm

I knew a guy that had a coon for a pet, it was pretty cool, if you dont mind an animal tearing up your house all the time. Coons have opposable thumbs this makes them the ultimate hoodini-like crack artists. There was virtually nothing my friend could find to keep his food in (except cans, but I had faith that eventually the coon would figure out the can opener) The coon would get into and eat anything vaguely resembling food. Because tehy are good climbers, putting things up high was useless. Coons are smart too, he figured out how to use a doggy door, and he also figured out how to get back into the house when he was locked out. (Attic) They can be mean too if you mess with thier food ie anything in their territory or in this case my friends house.

They are cool tho and like I said fairly smart animals fun to play around with, but not something you want to let into your home.

Adivina · Post by **Adivina** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:13 pm

Aryylas had a baby racoon when he was younger. Kind of funny you mentioned the idea of having one as a pet, because we were just talking about the one he had when he was a child about an hour ago in the car.

LOL, Scarily enough he also claims he wants a pet sloth.... I am starting to see some scary similarities.

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:04 am

hehe.... I want one or both. Varmints are cool pets.

Darcler · Post by **Darcler** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:07 am

There was a possum that wandered into my backyard one night a couple years ago. My dog attacked the shit out of it. When it went limp, Gin stopped "playing" with it and went to bed. The possum was paralyzed from the middle of it back and down, so it scooted its way out of the yard with its front legs. The next morning I was getting into the car to go to school and I saw it still crawling around, the fucker wouldnt die, its amazing since it lost a lot of blood. I went back into the yard, got a shovel, scooped it up and flung it into my neighbors yard.

Point of the post: Get a possum, they dont die.

Diekan · Post by **Diekan** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:26 am

Mindia wrote:Raccoons are scavengers. They will eat anything that can be ingested.

including ralphmacios who try to capture them.

Diekan · Post by **Diekan** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:28 am

veeneedefeesh wrote:I knew a guy that had a coon for a pet, it was pretty cool, if you dont mind an animal tearing up your house all the time. Coons have opposable thumbs this makes them the ultimate hoodini-like crack artists. There was virtually nothing my friend could find to keep his food in (except cans, but I had faith that eventually the coon would figure out the can opener) The coon would get into and eat anything vaguely resembling food. Because tehy are good climbers, putting things up high was useless. Coons are smart too, he figured out how to use a doggy door, and he also figured out how to get back into the house when he was locked out. (Attic) They can be mean too if you mess with thier food ie anything in their territory or in this case my friends house.

They are cool tho and like I said fairly smart animals fun to play around with, but not something you want to let into your home.

I didn't think that was legal anymore. Thought Slavery laws were gone.? :dunno:

Diabolik · Post by **Diabolik** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:40 am

Diekan wrote:I didn't think that was legal anymore. Thought Slavery laws were gone.?

Narrock · Post by **Narrock** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:40 am

http://www.ivis.org/advances/Parasit_Bo ... er_frm.asp

and... he's saying, "Please Ralph, please stick your finger in this cage and rub my nose... please?!" "I won't bite your finger Ralph, I promise."

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 1:54 am

Mindia wrote:http://www.ivis.org/advances/Parasit_Bowman/bowman_baylisascariasis/chapter_frm.asp

and... he's saying, "Please Ralph, please stick your finger in this cage and rub my nose... please?!" "I won't bite your finger Ralph, I promise."

I would just feed him a huge scoop of chunky skippy peanut butter and put mittens on him and then play with him. He would be to busy enjoying the peanut buttery goodness and warm paws he wouldn't be angsty like finawin and bite.

Then I would train him to kill. They would be no end to the awsomeness if I had a pack of about 15 raccoons that obeyed my every command. I tell you what the neighbor next door would be totally jacked next time she called the cops about my "loud heavy metalz music".

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:00 am

Oh.

I just read the article about killer raccoon crap. Hmm I guess playing with them is out of the question but could they be trained to poop on my enemies? I am sure I could enhance the effect if I fed my army of raccoons week old carne asada from Mexico Vieho down the street.

The possibilities are endless. I could rule the world. :2m16:

liquidstayce · Post by **liquidstayce** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:04 am

lol.. the visual of you putting mittens on him and feeding him PB is just too funny
Racoons are so cute.. too bad they are so evil. Maybe you can get a ferret army trained to rule the world?

veeneedefeesh · Post by **veeneedefeesh** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 6:30 am

Diekan wrote:I didn't think that was legal anymore. Thought Slavery laws were gone.?

Interesting story: I was up in Kentucky on business. My client took us out to dinner, he wanted to hear some "Local Flavor" from New Orleans, so I started telling Coon-ass jokes, after a few minutes my client says, "you might not want to say that word again.." I was confused. Here in South La, people have bumper stickers proclaiming that they are "Registered coon-asses" (meaning true cajun) when I asked about it, he pointed to a table full of black people glaring at me and said,"Coon-ass don't mean the same thing here that it means down there...."

Adivina · Post by **Adivina** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:29 am

Maybe you can get a ferret army trained to rule the world?

I was trying, but then my baby Tempest died of heart failure. /mourn. I have a piece of her hammock hanging from my rear view mirror, I buried her with the rest of it because she loved to raise hell in it.

Ferrets rock.

Adivina · Post by **Adivina** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:32 am

PS. Her best ferrety skill was dive bombing, she was training to be a stealth ninja at it. We would put her on the counter and she would run full speed and leap off the end of it with her legs flailing, land on the floor, skid, then run back to me squeeking and hopping around until I put her up to repeat the process.

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 11:41 am

hahah thats too cool

brinstar · Post by **brinstar** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:12 pm

liquidstayce wrote:Maybe you can get a ferret army trained to rule the world?

<center>[font=impact]AMERICA!!!

FUCK YEAH!!!![/font]</center>