Do you guys have friends that just don't learn?

[Harrison]

Their last boyfriend was abusive. You helped them through that and thought for once you've actually accomplished the impossible and got them to realize something for once.

Now they're about to get into the same old shit, this time with a drug addict who stole his own sister's clothes to sell for heroin very recently. They're upset with YOU because you "can't be happy for them". People like that don't change while on other drugs in a matter of a month.

I've already pretty much told her she's on her own and I don't want her to come home. She essentially lived with me before she went to florida. She's coming back sometime this week.

It's like her handcuffing me, telling me to watch her stab herself, and now I'm waiting for her to uncuff me so I can help. I think walking away is my best bet. I needed more opinions from people not personally involved.

Am I an asshole for basically ending a friendship over this? (I'm her "best friend")

I can't fucking stand sitting by and having to watch this shit happen in slow motion to another friend.

[Ciladan]

You have to let her go and make her own mistakes. But I don't think it's a good idea to end your friendship over it, just put it on hold. If (and when?) she screws up with this guy, she will need someone on the good side welcoming her back. If you are her only friend (and a good one I take it) then losing you would give her no incentive to return to light. She will continue lost down the path of self-destruction.

Give it time and when she comes back to you, offer her patience and forgiveness, then try again.

[Darcler]

Harrison, stop this mumbo jumbo and talk about buttsex with me on AIM, k?

[Gargamellow]

On one hand it can seem as if you are abandoning her in a crucial time. On the other hand, it is her life and if you care for her as a friend, you should just hope for the best for her even when you know she is making a mistake....on a third hand...Sometimes tough love is the only way to get through to someone.

That's a tough one.

[Jimmy Durante]

I think walking away is my best bet.

I'll have to agree. You already attempted to be there for your friend - - no use putting *yourself* through more needless stress and aggravation.

[Adivina]

Harrison - She is young, she is still attracted to the "tough" guys, she is going through a lot. You know why she moved to Florida right? (Don't post it here, I can tell you in person if you need to know) I am glad she is coming back, I miss having female companionship, as far as who she dates, the choice is going to be her own until she learns to see better, we can't change that.

[KaiineTN]

Girls are stupid and immature, and can't be trusted. By the time they become women, they will have a lot of skeletons in their closets involving all those aggressive asshole bad boy types and what not, and probably will be get bored with you in a week. Sucks, doesn't it?

In the end, let her live the life she wants and let her make the mistakes she needs to make, just encourage her to learn from them. Some people just plain can't help who or what they are attracted to, which is sad.

[labbats]

Hit her too. Then maybe you can get laid.

[Diekan]

Women like men who are aggressive and some what mean spirited. This is true. They also never learn. You're best bet is to walk away and forget about it. She's not going to learn this time, or next time, or the next time after that. It's a cycle that will never be broken. *Could* she get a nice guy if she wanted? I am sure she could, but the very fact she won't means she's not interested in being treated right (as with most American women).

Thus, you're going to end up being the one who picks up the pieces again, and again, and again, and again... might as well put a stop to it now, once and for all.

[Martrae]

Maybe he likes being an emotional tampon!

[Mop]

any bitter men in this thread?

[Diekan]

No, not bitter... just a realist. Unlike most of you, when it comes to things like love I choose to live in the real world, not some sugar coated lala land where everything is rainbows and flowers.

Myth: "Women don't care about money"
Fact: That's bullshit - in the real world (where I live) they very much DO care about money. Now, whether not they're after a guy making 100 grand a year, or a guy who just has a good job... can be left up for debate, but the cold hard fact is. YES, they do care about how much you make, or can potentially make.

Myth: "Women don't care about looks"
Fact: You're talking about a creature who spends HOURS in the bathroom getting ready before going out. A creature who who'll spend days looking for a pair of shoes to match their purse. Yeah, they don't care about looks at all. If you see a fat guy with a hot chick... he's got some serious money. Women care just as much about looks as men do.

Myth: "We just a guy who treats us right."
Fact: Do I really need to detail the truth about that bullshit statement? If I do then obviously you've never dated more than two or MAYBE three women in your entire life.

So, you people can continue to live in your little sugar coated wonder world, but I'll continue to live here... in reality... and I'll continue to date and fuck various women because I know how to play the game.

Before someone starts screaming about generalizing... yes I know there are a few women out there who really don't care about money or looks, and who do wanted to be treated right. But, those women are rare, for one, and two more than likely already married.

[labbats]

Myth: People on internet messageboards know how to get chicks.

[The Kizzy]

I'm still looking for a tee shirt that says I like dirty boys with no money.


Why does every woman want a tough guy? They want someone who will protect them but treat them like a princess.

[Adivina]

FACT: Adivina is not like any of the girls Diekan talks about, np.

[Gidan]

any bitter men in this thread?

Wouldn't call myself bitter but if I get asked "Does this make me look fat" 1 more time I am going to flip.

Women drive me nuts. They fish for compliments, if you give it to them they get pissed becuase they think you are just saying it, if you dont they get pissed and go off on how you dont love them. All the stupid mind games suck. I am about to the point where if I am asked "Do I look good in this" I will say no, "Does this make me look fat" => Yes.

I have known a total of 3 women in my life that didn't constantly ask questions like that. I married one of them.

[The Kizzy]

Why should Darcler have to ask you if she looks good? Why can't you pay her a compliment without any fishing?

[Jimmy Durante]

I believe Gidan's point wasn't so much centered around fishing for compliments as much as it was about asking trick questions with no acceptable answer.

[Adivina]

I don't think he meant to say that he never compliments her, I am sure he does she is one hot girl. I think he was saying that he is happy that he does not have to deal with her fishing for compliments and demanding them.

[Harrison]

I think he was implying he married the one who does not...

[Insanityfair]

I'm with Advinia on this one, I'm not really any of the things Diekan described. I feel so...abnormal....I don't spend hours in the bathroom, I don't have or feel the need to have a ton of money, and I don't have a single pair of shoes that match my purse.

And guess what, I learned the hard way. Yay, I loved the "bad boys" for a period of time. Some actually do get tired of it, believe it or not.

[Trielelvan]

You have to let her go and make her own mistakes. But I don't think it's a good idea to end your friendship over it, just put it on hold. If (and when?) she screws up with this guy, she will need someone on the good side welcoming her back. If you are her only friend (and a good one I take it) then losing you would give her no incentive to return to light. She will continue lost down the path of self-destruction.

Give it time and when she comes back to you, offer her patience and forgiveness, then try again.

That basically sums up what I'm going to say. You don't need to end the friendship, but at the same time, let her know that you think she is making a bad choice and a mistake. If she calls to spew and cry on your shoulder about what her guy has done, just ask her this:
"Ok, let me ask you one question before you get started - are you leaving him?"
If yes "ok, continue - what's going on and what do you need?"
If no "I don't want to hear anymore about what your or his problems are then. If you know he's such shit, then leave. If not, call me when you decide you you're going to."

When I was a teenager and going into my early 20s, I played counselor for every dim-witted friend in a bad relationship. Eventually, I let them know that I love them and care about them, but I'm not gonna play hero and be the miracle worker to help them out of every bad situation they get themselves into, *especially* when I warned them prior to, nor was I going to allow them to make me their personal boo-hoo doormat to come crying to everytime they were upset with said person.

The above question and responses are mine, verbatum, from previous phone calls/conversations.
And mind you, it doesn't make you a bad friend - it is unfair for other people to put you in this type of position where you feel like shit because you can't do anything to help them when they are perfectly capable of helping themselves. There were days I lost sleep because I knew a friend of mine was being mistreated (not necessarily physically), but wouldn't leave, and I was trying to figure out how to convince her to do so. No kids, no marriage, not living together - nothing to keep her from leaving, and yet she was so sure she would be leaving a "good thing" if she did. I finally told her, "ok, know what? It's your life. Get treated like shit if you want and call me when you've decided to move on. I have an extra bed when you're ready to get out." She was beside herself pissed at the time. Nearly a year later, she came knocking on my door asking to spend the night and had broken up with the loser.

Maybe my answer isn't the answer to your problem, but that's how I feel about the situation. I have no patience anymore dealing with people who continue to look for abusive idiots to call home.

And Diekan, I agree with you - a good percentage of women are all about the facts of the 3 myths. They are also usually the superficial glam-girls you men go drooling after without the slightest idea of what they look like without a sufficient coating of makeup or the "morning after."

[Eziekial]

I only date bad girls because they are a lot more fun.

[Martrae]

You can't find the girls that aren't interested in those things in a bar. Try looking in a library.

[veeneedefeesh]

Seduce her, screw her until her eyes bulge, wipe your peen0r on the curtains, then tell her what an idiot she is for giving up the good stuff like yourself and slap her on the ass on the way out the door. She will either fall in love with you immediately or your friendship is ended which really isnt a loss because you were planning on ending it anyways, however you are now up one PoA and the people on NT cant call you a closet fag anymore.