AIM messaging

[kaharthemad]

the program i use being trillian, and or GAIM both have chat logging. I tell parents away from ear shot about this. The kids like it because all their chat programs are wrapped into one.

[Lyion]

A parent is just that, a parent. Knowing what ones child is doing is not bad, but necessary and wise. A good parent doesn't blur the lines and try too hard to be a friend.

If ones kids have no respect, and the parents are worried about being trusting and nice, I feel for them as it'll be a hard road.

Parent first, always, until they are on their own.

[Darcler]

But Lyion, you can still be a parent and have a trusting relationship with your children. You dont have to blow up or belittle their choices when they make a wrong one. Tell them what they did was wrong, how not to do it again, punish if need be, but why blow a relationship with your kids?

My best friend and all her sisters and brothers have this kind of relationship with their mother. I have it with her as well. I dont have it with my own mother, why? Because she blows up if I make a wrong choice. She thinks down on me, and I dont like that. So I hid a lot from her. Still do, really.

[Lyion]

Again, as long as you don't cross the line from parent to roomate, it's ok.

You definitely do not blow up or belittle your kids. You trust them as far as they have earned it, and not when it isn't such as in the case Kizz is talking about. Given this person has lied and given reasons for doubt then the parent should do what is in the best interest of the child, regardless of if it invades their 'privacy' or hurts their feelings.

There needs to be a line in the sand and first and foremost one is a parent while they are raising their child. If you are not a parent your child will suffer for it in the long run. From what you are saying, it looks more like a 'friendship' than parenting.

I never yell or belittle my son and he gets lots of love. At the same time he realizes if he screws up he's in deep trouble and recognizes that and his ass is grass.

You are talking about consistency, not parenting. I just hope you aren't working too hard to promote being 'friends' with your child, since friendship will come when they are an adult. When they are a child they do not need a buddy. They need a parent.

There's nothing worse than a child who needs a kick in the ass and a parent too much of a pussy to give it because they are trying to 'do the right thing'. I don't care if the child is 3 or 16, it's still the same situation.

[Phlegm]

If she really wants to go out with the older guys, reading her aim messages wont prevent it.

[The Kizzy]

ok, this is not how I wanted this discussion to turn out, but a little history. My friend is divorced but still friendly with her ex husband. His new girlfriend and my friend don't get along of course. Her daughter is a good kid, just making some bad choices. She is 14, and has the body of a 21 year old. She is about 5'8" 115 pounds, wears a size 4, and is a 34D. She grew boobs over night. She used to be pudgy, but once she started playing volleyball, she really trimmed up. She went to school in one town here, and she was liked, but was just another girl, when her Mom built her new house, they moved school districts, and now she is Miss Popularity. The boys call her at all hours of the night. Where they used to live, a girl that was 4 years older used to come over to play and help babysit, etc. When the older girl got a serious boyfriend and a car, my friend told her that she was welcome to hang out with her as long as there was adult supervision. The daughter of course huffed and puffed about this but her Mom put her foot down and told her that there was no reason for a 14 year old girl to go driving around with 18 and 19 year olds. Her ex husband agreed. She went to visit her Dad one weekend, and lied and said she was going to the older girls house for a fmaily picnic, but it was the dad's girlfriend who found out differently. Now, my friend and the new girlfriend have NEVER gotten along, but the girlfriend called my friend and said, hey, this is what your daughter is doing, and she lied to us. So that is where it all began. She is worried, and doesn't want to hear bad things. I for one stand behind her decision. If the daughter is doing nothing wroing, then that just re affirmes that she is really a good kid, who just went through a bad few weeks. If she finds something bad, then she is the type who will sit and talk to the girl, and not go off the handle and beat her. My friend is one of the kindest, smartest people I know, and she is great at listening and comprimisies, she just wants to know what she is up against.

So, if anyone can tell me the procedure to look at the history so she can check it, and turn on the logging feature if need be, I would appreciate it.

[Tikker]

so, for once, finawin was right?

[liquidstayce]

I don't see any IM chat logging in the latest version of AIM.. looks like you will just need to look for some other key logging software.

[The Kizzy]

I said girl, not boy, so Finawin was wrong, as usual.

[Darcler]

How can logging her daughter's conversations stop her from seeing older guys? So let's say she is caught. Then what? Ground her? What when she gets out of trouble? She goes back to seeing the guy, though she doesnt use AIM anymore, as now she knows not to trust her mother, since she is KEY LOGGING, and just sneaks around.

This is the worst idea, I still say talking to her works, but whatever.

[Jennay]

$20 says she'll be pregnant before the year is out.

[Darcler]

BECAUSE OF A KEYLOGGER AND THE REBELION THAT FOLLOWS!!!!

[Gidan]

I have to agree that this can really backfire on the mother. If the girl discovers that her mother is not using a program to monitor everything she is doing, 1 she will just stop using that means of doing it, she will nto stop doing it. and 2, she will lose all trust in her mother.

You can not expect a 14 yearold to see this as her mother doing what she considers in the girls best interests. It will be view as her mother not trusting her at all. Her mother thinking she cant do anythign right, so much so that she felt the need to spy on her every move. If the girl finds out, it very possible could destroy any relationship she has with her mother.

Its completely the mothers choice but she really needs to weight the decision against what could result from it. I would hope this woudl be a last resort.

[Darcler]

Or not an option at all..

[Tikker]

I said girl, not boy, so Finawin was wrong, as usual.

maybe she's a box muncher

[Harrison]

I'm right and she can't deal with it.

Spying is deceitful.

She's likely a whore by now like the rest of the female population her age who hang out with boys and girls 4-5 years older than herself.

Get used to it, a fucking keylogger isn't going to stop shit.

[Darcler]

Nice to see you come around

I hung out with older guys and I came out fine (NO COMMENTS PLEASE).

[Phlegm]

I say lock the bitch in the basement.

[The Kizzy]

Maybe she prefers the taco to the sausage, I don't know and I don't care. Harrison, it is funny that you are going out of your way to prove you are better and smarter than someone you have never met. You are pathetic. Everyone here knows that, and one day it will dawn on you too. Unlike YOU, I can admit when I am wrong, and you are still not right here.

[The Kizzy]

And secondly, I hardly think that any of you, not knowing the mother or the daughter qualify to make judgement on wether she is doing the right thing or not with her daughter.

[Darcler]

Spying on anyone is wrong. That's pretty much as low as you can get.

Gidan's post is pretty spot on.

[Adivina]

If she feels the need to moniter her child, she has every damn right. Perhaps she does not feel talking to her daughter will get her accurate information, or perhaps they do not have a very open relationship when it comes to those topics. Kids lie very easily to their parents....

About the child finding out, there are many keylogger programs that keep the logs in a hidden system file and the program name that comes up in the task moniter when opened (control alt delete) is a name made to resemble a normal windows system file that needs to be in operation for the computer to run. Unless the kid knows exactly what to look for, she will not find it.

[Adivina]

And of course keylogging will not prevent what she is doing, but it will give the mother a clear idea of what is going on in her child's life, which she can then sit down and have a serious talk with her and work to make changes.

If her child is in sexual relationships at that young age, the mother has every right to be worried about her child. Situations like this have been life threatening in the past, babies are not the only by product of sex.

[Darcler]

So she wont talk to her child until she finds out about it? Classy.

And true, many keyloggers show invisible, but there are ways of finding them, completely by mistake. My ex found one on his work machine.

Dont use key loggers. Urge her to talk to her child. Or dont, since that seems to be the American way....

[Harrison]

Horrible "parenting skills" you people suck asshole if you think spying on your kids is the right thing to do.

Grow a pair and be a real parent.