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by **The Kizzy** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 1:16 pm

and what do you know about being a parent? Nothing.

Again, she has an open relationship with her daughter. Always has and always will, but she has caught her daughter in lies lately. Why is that so hard to understand, Darcler?

by **Martrae** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 2:27 pm

Didn't you said she lied to her dad and stepmom? Sounds to me that her mom may be overreacting a tad, probably because up until now her daughter hasn't shown signs of deceit and she doesn't know how to handle it.

It's a tightrope act when raising kids...especially daughters. You want them to grow up and be able to think for themselves while at the same time you want to protect them from making too many mistakes.

Maybe instead of spying on her daughter she should just discontinue her internet usage on the grounds that she lied. I would think that would send a better message and the mother is not now put into the position of betraying her daughters trust.

by **Harrison** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 2:31 pm

See?

That's a respectable approach.

The simple fact you thought spying was acceptable speaks volumes.

by **The Kizzy** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 3:54 pm

Harrison, go away, until you are a grown up. Thanks.

by **Harrison** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 3:57 pm

Suck my cock?

by **The Kizzy** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 3:58 pm

Firstly, I prefer more than 4 inches

Secondly, You have one? Are you sure? YOu have never used it, so it might have gone away.

by **Martrae** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:00 pm

Will you 2 just screw and get it over with already? It's like watching all those shows where the main characters snip at each other all the time but you know are gonna wind up in the sack.

by **Narrock** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:02 pm

Harrison and Kizzy, sittin in a tree...

by **Harrison** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:06 pm

She's 10 years older than me?

That would be infinitely too weird.

by **Narrock** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:07 pm

I'm 10 years older than my girlfriend... what's so weird about it? :dunno:

by **Harrison** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:09 pm

by **Lyion** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:20 pm

Knowing what your kid is doing isn't wrong, it's wise. It's tough to explain to people just out of their teenage years, but once your child is a teenager it'll make more sense.

Given the scenario Kizzy described this parent should be logging what her 'CHILD' is doing on the Internet, and making sure her 'CHILD' is not making mistakes that will scar her life forever. That is what parents are supposed to do.

The Parents house. The parents rules. Better in the know, then finding out after the fact. A 15 year old with drugs or a baby and a future life on public assistance is a bad ending due to a parents desire to be 'nice'.

by **Harrison** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:22 pm

There are other avenues you could traverse.

Spying is reprehensible at best. I agree with you lyion, just not on the actual spying part. Knowing what your children are doing is perfectly normal and acceptable. Spying is...ridiculous.

by **Lyion** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:35 pm

Spying is what Russia and the US do to each other.

Monitoring your 'CHILD's activities on the Internet is smart any way you think about it. She's 14. If you had a 14 year old sister Harrison and you suspected an adult of 'preying' on her, would you monitor her Internet communications?

This isn't an adult. Different rules.

by **Phlegm** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:49 pm

Kizzy wrote:she has an open relationship with her daughter.

If you have to monitor/spy on your kids, then the relationship is not really "open".

by **The Kizzy** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 8:59 pm

Thank you for the support Lyion, I really appreciate it.

Don't get me wrong, I consider Harrison an e-friend, always have and always will, we just very rarely ever see eye to eye. He likes to get my goat, and vice versa. I have done the dating younger men thing, and (no offense to Taxx) it isn't what *I* want whether it be a relationship or just sex.

by **Martrae** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 9:08 pm

Nothing wrong with knock your socks off sex for sex's sake.

by **Tossica** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 9:20 pm

Martrae wrote:Nothing wrong with knock your socks off sex for sex's sake.

Here, here

by **Darcler** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 10:34 pm

Mart's post was great.
Take away her internet usage. Say she was caught in a lie. DONT SPY ON HER. I dont care what you call it. You are putting a SPY program on her computer (since AIM doesnt allow the logging anymore, apparently) without her knowledge and then checking her logs. That is spying.

How would you like it, Lyion, Kizzy, if your wife/roommate put a key logger on your computer to check on your activities. Now, whether on not you were doing anything wrong isnt the question. It is the principle of the thing. Would your trust in them lower, knowing they would just spy on you rather than talk to you?

CHILD or not, it is wrong. You can monitor her activities, limited web usage, calling when she leaves for somewhere else, cerfew or even not staying out late, she is only 14. Never should a parent resort to spying through a keylogger.

by **Gidan** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 1:39 am

Monitoring what the child is doing and secretly putting a keylogger on the machine are 2 very different things. If the person doesn't know they are being monitored its spying and if its discovered it can and probably will cause many more problems then it has ever solved.

I just hope she really understands what can happen if the kid finds out about it.

For all those people who are all for it, ask your self something. If you found out that somone you love and trust has been spying on what your doing, how exactly would that effect your relationship? Would you still trust them afterword? Would it ever occure to you to ask, Why didn't he/she just ask me?

Has the mother tried to even talk to her daughter about this? Not her father, not the girlfriend but the mother 1 on 1 with the daughter.

If She knows her daughter lied to her father, sit down with her and call her on it. Dont just jump right in and start spying on her.

Now lets say she puts this keylogger on the computer and finds absalutly nothing. The daughter doesn't talk to any older boys. Will she drop it and just say its not happening or is she going to take it a step further and have somone follow her? She has show she is willing to spy, why would having her followed be any different?

I completely understand that its the parents home and there are rules the child must obey, but jumping right into spying wihtout even talking show that you have no faith in your child. It also asks the question, If you cant be honest with your child, why would they ever be honest with you?

by **Darcler** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 3:20 am

Hi, do you even read my posts before posting

by **kiral** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 3:43 am

''She's 10 years older than me? ''

my ex had 30 and i was 19~

by **Lueyen** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 3:46 am

A slightly different view here I guess, but I think the first mistake that was made was that she didn't montior her childs internet activities more carefully. I think a parent is perfectly justified in using a firewall or filter and a keylogger. If you have issues with spying, then let the child know, but for gods sakes people don't let your children play on the internet unsupervised. It's not TV, and there is far to much they can do to place themselves at risk or that of your computer and possibly private information.

There was a setup done here in Portland where people got online and pretended to be young teenage girls, convincing older men to come over to a house to get them drunk and have sex.... They then confronted the men and video taped the whole confrontations at the door of a house when the guys showed up with booze. What was truely amazing to me was the sheer number of guys who showed up.

I wonder if the situation would have been different had Kip Kinkles parents had monitored his internet activities.. you know when he was looking up information on how to make pipe bombs.

About 4 or 5 years ago I got on a kick of finding compromised systems and letting people know they were comprimised. The shear number of home systems that were running back door programs, or sharing thier file systems with the world is amazing.. and I'm pretty sure in some cases it was done partially through some of these chat programs. You know thinking about it, the problem is probably 10 times worse now with the availibilty of broadband, and full time connections. Imagine if your children get a file from a friend on the internet, open it and it turns over total control of your computer to someone/anyone in the void. Think about what is on your computer right now, and imagine everything on it being in the hands of someone who has nefarious intentions.

There are plenty of valid reasons to monitor your childrens internet activities, the way I generally put it to parents is that if you wouldn't let your children run around a red light district of a major city late at night, don't let them play on the internet unsupervised.

by **Darcler** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 11:57 am

Oh no, my music files will be open to the world!

See, that doesnt bother me. The "let you child know beforehand" thing. That is not spying. That is actually monitoring. But putting it on the computer without their knowledge is wrong.

by **The Kizzy** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 12:38 pm

I wish I would have spied on my ex, might have saved me alot of trouble and heartache.

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