Student suspended for use of PHP

Post by **Gidan** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 5:56 am

Kind of old but really made me laugh.

Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."

Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"

araby · Post by **araby** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:45 am

so what is PHP

Post by **Gidan** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:53 am

A programming language. The language that was used to write this message board actually.

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:32 am

Gidan wrote:Kind of old but really made me laugh.

Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."

Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"

while I believe this is fake, I also believe teachers in the public school system would be this stupid.

Tacks · Post by **Tacks** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:36 am

It's obviously fake but still humorous.

labbats · Post by **labbats** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:48 am

Pamela Lee's boobs are obviously fake, but full of enjoyment. Much like this thread.

Harrison · Post by **Harrison** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:23 am

I've been suspended for moving the task bar from the bottom to the right hand side of the desktop. "Malicious destruction of school property"

I later nearly got the computer teacher fired. Man that bitch was retarded.

I definitely believe this story happened or something very much like it had.

Post by **Tossica** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:39 am

http://www.faronics.com/html/deepfreeze.asp

Keeps punk ass kids like Finawin in check!

Almegest Victory · Post by **Almegest Victory** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 2:29 pm

That's 2 hours away from me and I used to live there a while ago....It's kansas...don't put anything past kansas.....lots of stupid shit happens here.

brinstar · Post by **brinstar** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 4:08 pm

fuck kansas

araby · Post by **araby** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:06 pm

I drove through Kansas and knew right away I didn't like the people there.

Almegest Victory · Post by **Almegest Victory** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:55 pm

It's not Kansas...it's Klansas

brinstar · Post by **brinstar** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:43 pm

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:54 pm

Tossica wrote:http://www.faronics.com/html/deepfreeze.asp

Keeps punk ass kids like Finawin in check!

that sounds interesting but what is the difference between that and group policies?

laffo... I used to punish the retards I used to support in the military who kept breaking their computers downloading pr0n and free video games by making them a taskpad...

The entire screen had two buttons... One for email... the other for microsoft word. One day of that they quit fucking up my machines and causing me a ton of extra work.

Post by **Tossica** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 12:00 am

Deep Freeze lets them fuck up the machine as much as they want but all you have to do is reboot it and it's back to the default image again, every time. They can even delete system files, strip the registry etc and it magically resets itself. It owned for the labs I setup at the college I worked at.

namelesstavern.net

Student suspended for use of PHP

Student suspended for use of PHP

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