I don't know why I am blogging about this here

[The Kizzy]

Ok, I know there are some Mom's there that are divorced or no longer with the father of their child, so if anyone can help, or give some sound advice, I would appreciate it, trying to decide if I should get my lawyer involved or not.

So at Easter when I moved back to Ohio, I gave custody of my oldest son to his Dad and, honestly, he is doing alot better with his attitude, and in school, etc.

We went to court on May 2nd (my birthday) and had everything finalized. I get both kids one weekend, he gets them the next weekend, and we rotate. 6pm on Fridays to 6pm on Sundays. We rotate holidays.

He didn't have the kids on Father's day I did. On Fourth of July, he said they were going out of town (my holiday anyway) and I kept Trystin from Friday to Tuesday and even paid the babysitter the extra money. His holiday was Labor Day, yet he refused to keep Kael until Monday, and I had to pay a sitter $50 because I went camping that weekend. He has asked before to take the kids to his mothers on my weekend, and I said yes.

He refuses to drop Trystin off at 6pm because he has to work, so I don't get him until 8 pm. He refuses to pick Kael up at 6 pm because of work, and doesnt pick him up until 7pm. I offered to drive the hour to his house and pick up Trystin at 6pm on Fridays. he said his girlfriend doesn't want me in the house, so I said fine, I will pull into the driveway and honk, she said she doesnt want me on her property, so I said FINE, I will pull up on the side of the street and honk. I also told him I was going to start dropping Kael off at the sitters half way between our two houses at 6pm on Fridays and he could pick him up on his way home from work, and pay the fee. He said he doesn't feel he should have to pay for a babysitter for his child because he is working.

He was supposed to have Kael for one week during the summer, and he refused because he didn't have day care.because the court papers said "No more than 2 weeks in the summer" so that means he doesn't have to take them at all. He agreed to take him for a week at Christmas, and now it is 4 days at Christmas, and now he says according to the court papers New Years inst a holiday, so he isn't going to to take them, so I will have the kids three weekends in a row, which is no big deal to me.

Here is the clincher. He doesn't care, he would take the kids every weekend if he could, but his girlfriend (the whore he left me for) feel like when Kael comes over that it interrupts their "family unit" and it is her house and her rules, so she decides who gets the kids when. They constantly break the terms of the court issued custody agreement when it suits them, but if I ask for an extra 2 hours with my son, all hell breaks loose.

When I moved back, we had all child support null and voided because we both made about hte same amount of money. Now I am only working part time because I am in school, and I make less than half of what he does, but he says if I try to get child support from him, then he will sue for full custody of both kids, and since I live with roommates who smoke he will take Kael (who he never wanted in the first place, and barely tolerats now as it is)

So my question is, should I just be the nice person and bend over and take it because I know it isnt him it is her, or should I stand up for myself, and get the custody agreement re written to be a little more strict, that way they can't get away with murder everytime they feel like it. I mean, honestly what can I do? Drop my son off at the meeting place at 6pm and tell him he has to wait for an hour for his Dad? He's 4 for Christ's sake.

[Zanchief]

You should go on Springer.

[Eziekial]

Have you told him this current situation is completely unacceptable? If so and he has not made any attempt to correct the problem I would go straight to a lawyer and start having him write "nasty grams" to get him in line or to the table to hash things out. If that does not work, file in court and hammer it out and make sure to hammer him for being stupid. Seriously, my sister has 2 children from her first marriage and he (the husband) and his wife come over to my sister place for holidays and parties routinely to spend time together with the kids. They coordinate completely outside the court system and just use courtesy and respect for each other and everything works out just peachy. Hope all works out well for you.

V/r,
Roberto

[The Kizzy]

Thanks, yes I have told him that it isn't working out, and he tells me that it is too bad, because I shouldn't be interrupting his life. He (or actually his girlfriend) chould be able to make the calls. He even tries to tell me where I am allowed to take my son on my weekends.

[ClakarEQ]

Frankly it sounds like he doesn't love his kids as much as his girlfriend and that is beyond my comprehension.

In the end you and he won't pay the price, the kids will, you know this already though.

I would say if you compromise, you are showing a side of you to your kids that IMHO is admirable(sp).

If you go to court, and are the initiator of it, well, that would be a different impression. I'm not clear on the ages of the kids involved but my 7 year old picks stuff up from me often enough for me to be cautious of my actions, etc when I'm around him, normal dad stuff honestly. Point here is do the kids not see the same as you or are they hidden from it, if they are hidden, expose them to it (age dependant)

If you don't mind being the stand-up person and sucking it up, biting your lip and dealing with, I would go that route. As bad as this will sound, I would make your decision apparent to your kids and echo the importance of compromise and the lack of compromise the "dad" is making.

Have you ever asked him, would you rather just not see the kids and let me take sole custody?

The more I write and think about this, your ex is a grade-A tool. For any "dad" to put his lovers requirements above his children's, isn't much of a dad if you ask me. He has no spine and can't even tell his bitch to shut her trap. I don't want you on my property, how childish is that, for Christ's sake you talking about your own flesh and blood (pointing your finger at the dad).

I know this is a very bad point to make to the children but if his children shouldn't be interrupting, then he isn't fit to have them at all, I'd be so close to being honest with your kids (again depends on the age and all) and explain the situation. If the kids want you to take action, then I would, if not, I'd suck it up, IMHO the parents and their inconvenience are not the priority.

[Adivina]

You need to sit down and have a good long talk with him. Perhaps he needs to be reminded that his children are part of his life, not an interruption to it. Honestly, the things he is doing, and allowing his girlfriend/wife (whatever she is) to do will emotionally damage one if not both of your children.

However, what Clakar said about making it apparent to your kids that dad is not compromising, will only further cause emotional issues to your child. No matter how upset you are and how much of an ass the other parent is, you cannot bad mouth the other parent, it will only turn you into the bad one in the end.

If you need anything, send me a pm, I believe I already sent you my cell phone number. I do not have children of my own, but because of the 12 year split between my brother and I, I was old enough to go through and help my mother with a lot of the lawyer and court issues when she was having similar problems with my brother and his dad.

I've been in your position and its horrible and absolutely unfair, but you have to remember to be the bigger person, because as your children grow older this will reflect on you.

[The Kizzy]

THe kids are 9 and 4. The 9 year old sees what is going on, and he has said to me many times he doesn't agree with what his Dad did, but he loves him. The 4 year old has no clue, and is pretty oblivious to everything. I just don't want to be hearing from his therapist when he is 25 years old that his Dad didn't want him, and he was treated like the red headed step child when he went over to visit, (I made a funny, he does have red hair)

[Ouchyfish]

The 4 year old has no clue, and is pretty oblivious to everything.

Ahh to be that age again... =)

Only responsibilities are eating sleeping and shitting and having fun every waking minute.

[The Kizzy]

We have sat down and had heart to hearts, and he will agree with me, and everything will be fine, and then when he goes home and tells her "This is how it is going to be" She threatens to kick him out, and "He is in love" and can't be alone.

THe first time he cheated on me when we were married, the girl said she didn't want to be with him, and he said that he would rather be unhappy with me than to be miserable and be alone. He CAN NOT be alone. THey don't even get along. Its sad really.

[Tikker]

well

I'm not picking sides but


would it kill you to be flexible around his work hours?

[Insanityfair]

Ahhh boy does this sound familiar. Don't go the let him walk on you route, he'll never, odds are never change. Keep giving the inch, he'll steamroll you for the mile.

My older son's dad is the same way. He is supposed to take him Monday during the day and Tue-Wed. overnight. He barely does that. It's his needs, what he has planned. His move, his ambitions, his activities, his job.

I don't know how your paperwork is written out, but mine says that we have to go through mediation prior to going back to court so I would suggest you ask your lawyer about that. Just helps you two sit down and try to work out your differences. And it doesn't matter what his girlfriend wants. Sorry, but he's not married to her, she doesn't get to "call the shots". She can help him adhere to his legal contract, or get out of the way. Something that should be brought up in mediation. Child support I believe can always be brought up, when there is a financial situation change but I don't know for sure what kind of contract you two drew up. And lolz on the I'm taking the kids from you because your roommate smokes. My older son's dad has done a hell of a lot worse and the courts wouldn't take him from his dad.

Oh and your four year old probably isn't as oblivious as you think. My son is four and more than understands when his daddy doesn't come pick him up. =/

[The Kizzy]

well

I'm not picking sides but


would it kill you to be flexible around his work hours?

That was my point, I do work around his schedule and do not complain, but hten if I ask for extra time every once in a while, I am told that it doesn't say that in the court papers. I feel that I am being flexible for him, and he should be a little flexible with me.

[exploit]

Since neither of you want them why dont you just sell them into slavery?

[The Kizzy]

Since neither of you want them why dont you just sell them into slavery?

What? ..........idiot

[Ouchyfish]

I cannot understand....how a father would not run people off the road, tell folks at work to go fuck themselves, have fire coming off of their wheels to get to see their kids...I just cannot fathom that.

If I am 1 minute late getting home from work every day I feel bad and lament how that's sixty fewer seconds I get to spend with them.

Only advice I can offer is get stricter guidelines if you are unwilling or unable to work around his bullshit schedule.

Good luck though..I hate to hear about this shit happening to kids. Really fucked up..

[The Kizzy]

again, I will repeat, that I do not have a problem working around his schedule. I am not that big of a bitch, his girlfriend is the one who has a problem giving any leeway.

[Zanchief]

Murder her.

[The Kizzy]

Murder her.

Violence is not always the answer

[Ouchyfish]

again, I will repeat, that I do not have a problem working around his schedule. I am not that big of a bitch, his girlfriend is the one who has a problem giving any leeway.

I don't buy into your defense of this assclown. He is a grown fucking man. It is just as much his fault as it is hers, I don't give a FUCK if he can't stand to be alone, etc, etc, etc, /puke..

"Drop my son off at the meeting place at 6pm and tell him he has to wait for an hour for his Dad?"

Yes because dad is a big pussy and can't stand up to his girlfriend because he is a codependent piece of shit.

[The Kizzy]

That only harms my son, Ouchyfish. Alos makes me very irresponsible.

[ClakarEQ]

Ok, who is ouchy fish because the last two or three posts make me think of myself when I read them (cept the part where he/she was a die-hard rep and now isn't (I am a die-hard dem,lib but not so far on the wings).

Anyway, I agree with ouchy in the posts above.

So fix the problem by having a couple of your girlfriends call his place while you know he is away and start asking for him. You know what they say, once a cheater always a cheater, use that against him and have your friend be his new "lova".

Wouldn't that be ironic (o-noes, i hope the irony police don't arrest me).

edit, bah too many typos

[The Kizzy]

not worth it.

[Gidan]

The GF issue sucks, he needs to take controle of his life and stop letting her drag hom around. They are his children and should always come before her. Were his work hours the same now as they were when the papers were drawn up? Did he already work at 6pm and the time get set at that anyway? If not, then he made the choice to start working those hours, he knew it was his responsibility to have the kids at 6pm and if that means he needs to pay for a babysitter, well thats what he needs to do. Right now with his GF at home and available to take the kids at 6pm he should be required to take them at that time, if she doesn't like you being on the property for a whole 5 minutes, well thats to damn bad.

As for the child support thing, I think thats a completely seperate issue. How would you be if he decided to only work part time and wanted you to start paying child support to him? It doesn't matter why your only working part time, you made the choice that going to school was more important then working full time. He shouldn't need to pay for that choice.

[The Kizzy]

I totally agree Gidan, which is why I haven't asked for a dime for him, because in 3 years when I am done with Nursing School, I will be making almost twice as much as him, and I wouldn't want to pay that either. It's just that I feel this is the only recourse I have to get a little fairness here.

[Arlos]

You want my honest advice?

[Sarcastic Bastard mode: Off]

See a lawyer. No one here is going to know the ins and outs of family law in Ohio. You want to find out if he can make good on his threats, or if you really could get the child support, a lawyer's going to be the only person who can tell you. Generally, if you check with your local BAR association, they can point you towards low cost options, or maybe even towards some who are doing pro bono work and who'll advise you for free.

You're feeling threatened by some vague nebulous legal threat, go find out if you should really feel threatened, if they're just blowing hot air, or if you can have his balls in a vise.

[Sarcastic Bastard Mode: On]

-Arlos