Old People are Funny

[The Kizzy]

Caught In The Act

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her
92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became
violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor
apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the
charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her
own defense. "Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92,
if he could get it up, he could fly."





Bad Food

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material
we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your
stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can
be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by
the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the
most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here
tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for
years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row
raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."




Old Folks

This old man in his eighties gets up and puts on his coat.
His wife says,"Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Are you sick?"
"No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat.
He said," Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm
going to get me a tetanus shot! "





French Trip

An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate
his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer
asked, sarcastically.
The gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on
arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he
quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-
Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any
Frenchmen to show it to".


Married

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the
Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25
year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful
sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens
intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance,
they corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy
girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you
persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age", Bob replies.
"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

[Jay]

Weak

[Spazz]

I thought the last one was kinda funny