2005 Darwin awards

[The Kizzy]

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards
are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious winners.

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James
Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:


2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.


3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.


4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.


5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.


6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you
money, is a crime committed?)


7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.


8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the
car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."


9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.


A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[Martrae]

Some good ones this year.

[Kramer]

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

[Captain Insano]

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards
are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious winners.

Darwin Award Winners:



4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

hahaha now that was just fucking brilliant. That guy is pretty damn smart if you ask me.

[mappatazee]

I don't understand. I thought a Darwin award went for someone whose stupidity has removed themselves from the gene pool. #1 would apply.

[Tacks]

Those aren't even from the website, they're just some ripoff ones.

[Zanchief]

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

This one made me laugh.

[The Kizzy]

Oh my, I am not sure which is funnier, the fact that they actually have a website, or that Taxx knows of this website. Almost as funny as the time that he admitted he keeps track of Braodway musicals.

[Zanchief]

Almost as funny as the time that he admitted he keeps track of Braodway musicals.

You better come back with some better dirt or Kizzy just made you look like a fool, Taxx.

[The Kizzy]

Almost as funny as the time that he admitted he keeps track of Braodway musicals.

You better come back with some better dirt or Kizzy just made you look like a fool, Taxx.

Hey nerds, this was from a skit on Broadway FYI since everyone is acting like it's so groundbreaking all the sudden.

Just verifying what I was talking about.

[Tacks]

I know lots of the 'cult funniez' of the internetz

1) internet is for porn has been around for a long time and there was a description given to where it came from

2) the darwin awards site has been around for a long ass time and has been on yahoo front page a few times

it's all common knowledge

[Insanityfair]

Almost as funny as the time that he admitted he keeps track of Braodway musicals.

You better come back with some better dirt or Kizzy just made you look like a fool, Taxx.

I will have to disagree with that point on the basis of when attempting to make someone look like a fool, correct spelling is needed.

[Tacks]

In my opinion you should keep trying to bash me for knowing more than you do. Makes total sense to me

[The Kizzy]

oh busted

[Tacks]

oh noes?

[Adivina]

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.

[mappatazee]

Hey Taxx do you have Chess with that song "One Night in Bangkok." That song is the shit.

[Spazz]

kizzy you and tax are both fuckin clowns. Glad you had a relationship glad it didnt work shut the fuck up.