Friday Funneh

[Lyion]

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a
sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the
Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways,
I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime
I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports
required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel
it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your
desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of
another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I
wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel
inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent
treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and
how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "Do you want lights on that bridge?"

[Donnel]

Two lane, or four?


A man was sitting in church and the pastor's sermon was on the nature of God.

They were reading the text describing God's presence in time, and seeing as how God is infinate, a thousand years would be as a day and a day as like a thousand years.

So the man asked God, "Is this true, Lord?"

God answers, "Yes, as a matter of fact it is."

The man then asks, "Lord if it's true that because you are eternal time can have such different meanings to you, what is currency like to you since the Bible says, "You own the cattle on a thousand hills" meaning all that is, is yours.

God replies, "It's very similar."

The man asks, "So you could say for example, that a million dollars is like a penny, and a penny like a million dollars?"

God answers, "Yes you could say that indeed."

The man then asks, "Lord, can I have a penny?"

To which God replies, "Sure, remind me tomorrow and I will let you have it."

[kaharthemad]

Jesse Jackson is standing in front of God,
Jesse says, "God wil there ever be a woman president?"
The Lord replied, "Pretty soon in your life time Jesse"

Jesse asks, "God? Will there ever be a Hispanic president?"
And the Lord Replied "Not in your life time Jesse"

Jesse thinks for a second and asks, "Lord will there ever be a Black President?"
To this the Lord Replied "In your life time Jesse"

"God? Will I ever be President?" Asks Jesse.
To this the Lord replied "Not in my life time Jesse"

[Adivina]

Cute

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's.

He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,

"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.".

"What type of bra?", asked the clerk.

"Type?", inquired the man "There is more than one type?".

"Look Around.", said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras
in every shape, size color and material.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only
three types of bras.", replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked,

"Only three? What are they?".

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army
type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?".

Still confused the man asked

"What is the difference between them?".

The lady responded

"It is quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the
Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type
makes mountains out of mole hills.".

[Phlegm]

"It is quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type
makes mountains out of mole hills.".