I have been friends with this girl for several years. We've always been very close friends. The entire time we knew each other she has been in a relationship that recently ended (not engaged or married). After she broke up with her boyfriend she ended up moving in with me as I have an extra bedroom.
I've had feelings for this girl for quite some time now, but I never intended for anything to happen because I've always been afraid of what might happen to our friendship. She's my closest friend. There's no one that understands me or trust me more and vice versa. She's now been living with me for a month and a half, which is how long she has been single since her last relationship. Over this period of time my feelings have really escalated. Over time we've been more and more physical with each other. Very recently we've become very physical (not sex but pretty close). Both of us have been avoiding having sex as we're both very attracted to each other. I know that I feel much more for her than she does for me, but she also has feelings for me. I knew that, and she's also told me that.
I know that she needs time. She just called me from work because she needed to talk about what happened between us this morning (we were more physical than ever before). The thing is that both of us agree that it has been awesome. I want to continue as we have been. Talking to her on the phone she said that she's getting emotionaly attatched to me, and even more so now that we've become physical. She says that she's not ready to get emotionaly involved with someone. I completely understand this, but it's very hard for me.
She talked to me about the consequences of what might happen - of how both of us could get hurt. I know that she's very scared to lose me as a friend. The thing is that I know that we could be so great together. I can't even imagine how great it could be. I told her that I'm ok with giving her time, which she already knows. I told her that what I'm worried most about is that she's always going to be thinking of the negative aspects of what might happen if we get involved with each other in this way. I'm willing to risk everything to give us a chance. I realize how bad it could be if things went bad, but I'm willing to risk that. I feel that if we never give it a chance that we'll never know and most likely will regret never knowing our entire lives. I want more than to just be friends with her. I'm so worried that she's never going to give it a chance because of what might happen if things go bad, and I told her that. I asked her to do one thing for me: to think of how good it could be instead of how bad it could turn out.
I've never fealt like this before. I have no idea what to do. Giving up on us is not an option. I have no idea what to tell her or what to say. I feel that giving her to much time might drive us apart. So please... any advice.. any at all .. I would greatly appreciate it... I know many of you are much more experienced than myself in this area.
Please remember that my intentions are to be with her - not to give up on us being together. I love her so much.
I need an outsiders advice!
Moderator: Dictators in Training
Markarado, keep treating her nicely but don't overdo it... you don't want to come across as "needy" or not confident. Hold the door open for her, but slap her ass when she's gettin in the car; keep a sense of humor with her (girls love funny guys); If she leans over to kiss you, back away... then YOU kiss HER. This kind of stuff will drive her crazy with desire. "Play the game" so to say, but don't be a prick. Good luck man. 
“The more I study science the more I believe in God.” -- Albert Einstein
-
Jay
Go for it bro. Take it to the next step. If you don't, you'll always wonder what could've been and you'll always resent yourself when you see her with other guys (oh and trust me, she will get other guys if you don't do something). Worst case scenario, it ends, there's hurt feelings, you move on but at least you won't be uncertain. Don't listen to Harrison. I bet he resents the fact that he isn't tapping Adivina and that his friend is. You don't want to go down that street brother.
Moral of the story:
Fuck this chick or you will be like Harrison.
Moral of the story:
Fuck this chick or you will be like Harrison.
Thing is she claims that she can't control herself when we start getting physical. This I know. I could have gone all the way this morning had I not controled myself. I know that I can control myself. She's worried that I'll lose control as well.
I'm not going to ask her to move out. I'm going insane!
I'm not going to ask her to move out. I'm going insane!
-
Jay
Gypsiyee wrote:Jay wrote:Moral of the story:
Fuck this chick or you will be like Harrison.
Oh man ><
Lol. Seriously Mark, pursue this. You seem like a nice guy, I think you'd treat her right. That's probably what she needs man. Just be upfront about everything and be sincere. Then when the time is right (this could very well be tomorrow), tap that glorious ass for all it's worth. When you're about to blow a load on her, start moaning NT names.
-
Jay
Harrison wrote:Mindia wrote:Harrison had the hots for Adivinia but didn't bust a move in time, and then his homeboy ninja'd her? Damn. LOLz
No. Never happened.
It's ok Harri. It's not all that bad. Adi may have sweet juggs that you can't touch, she may cry out another guy's name every night, she may look at you as nothing more than a physically comical, oafish, unkempt loser of a pseudo friend that she puts up with through association, but hey, at least I saved a lot of money on car insurance.
I agree. If things went bad I feel that we could still be friends. Possibly not, but I think we could.
And yes, I would never cheat on her. I'm not even going out with her and I'm not sleeping with other girls. I also know that she would never do so as she had many opportunities in her last relationship which she didn't take opportunity of.
And yes, I would never cheat on her. I'm not even going out with her and I'm not sleeping with other girls. I also know that she would never do so as she had many opportunities in her last relationship which she didn't take opportunity of.
-
Lionking
- NT Veteran
- Posts: 1063
- Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2005 3:09 pm
- Location: In front of my TV watching football
So... you're a nice guy and the rebound guy.... That's two strikes against you. If you don't give her time to get past the last relationship, she'll have trouble sorting out her feelings between the last guy and you. Women are just wacked out emotional fucktards. It's not your fault man, but it's just the way it is. 
While she's sorting her shit out, keep going to 3rd base but don't cross home plate. That way she's not going to wander away while decompressing.
-Out
While she's sorting her shit out, keep going to 3rd base but don't cross home plate. That way she's not going to wander away while decompressing.
-Out
WOW her, but give her space. Buy her flowers, take her out. Jump the shit out of her.
But do not crowd her, and spend a good portion of time away from her so she'll be able to build feelings without the trapped sensation.
Having her live with you is fine. Hit it. But absolutely give it boundaries and make her do a lil chasing.
But do not crowd her, and spend a good portion of time away from her so she'll be able to build feelings without the trapped sensation.
Having her live with you is fine. Hit it. But absolutely give it boundaries and make her do a lil chasing.
What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.
– C. S. Lewis
– C. S. Lewis
That's basically what I've been doing. Because of our situation I've always waited for her to come to me. I've been doing things as you say to WOW her. I've been taking her out for fine dining, buying her flowers, etc... I've also made sure to give her the space she needs. I know her well enough to know when she needs some time with her girls, and when I sense that I voluntarily choose not to join them.
She thinks she's taking advantage of me sexually because she knows how I feel about her. I've been worried about the whole rebound thing, but at this point I'm pretty sure that's not an issue anymore.
She thinks she's taking advantage of me sexually because she knows how I feel about her. I've been worried about the whole rebound thing, but at this point I'm pretty sure that's not an issue anymore.