funny. as long as you have changed the oil before...

[horhay boosh]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00


========================================================


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
$50.00.

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole
in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood
flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.


Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00


But you know the job was done right!

[Trielelvan]

that's about how it would go if Jj were to ever try changing the oil (that's my job - he is auto-mechanicly dumb), but I'd pay good money to sit back and watch.

[Gaazy]

my dad made me learn how to change oil when i was 13-14

Now my brother on the other hand, this would probably be somehow how it would turn out rofl

[Captain Insano]

hahahah that was hilarious and quite true.

[Gargamellow]

u forgot the pressure sales at oil change shops

the woman would actually be writing a check closer to a hundred bucks for her radiator flush, oil change, oil filter, belts................men can be dicks when working at oil change shops


when u go girls...just tell em,"i want an oil change, nothing else, i will be waiting in the lobby with my coffe."

[Darcler]

Or just say "No thank you" when they ask you for something else?

[Gargamellow]

maybe u could be sweet and polite, if you want a salesman to keep pushing because he knows you are gullible
i prefer them to shut the fuck up right offhand and do the job they are paid to do

[Darcler]

Or maybe I just know how to say no.
Normally, when you tell the clerk "no" they dont ask again and dont push it, in fear of angering you and losing a sale completely.

P.S. "Gullible" does not reflect all women. Dont generalize.

[Narrock]

good stuff and fairly accurate

[Gargamellow]

i never said all women are gullible...

and i don't waste time arguing with salesmen at an oil change shop either.

[Skrum]

hey maybe its because im a man, but when i get my oil changed i always say, "sure if something looks like it needs replacing, go ahead." Once my air filter was changed and once i got new wipers. Nothing else.

[Darcler]

Yeah. Normally, when I get something done, I get everything replaced or changed. One stop shopping.
And yeah, one time the guys sold me wipers, but I only got them because it saved me a trip to AutoZone later.

[Markarado]

I don't have the slightest clue as to how to change oil in a car. I get it changed for about $12 here ;p

[Eziekial]

I've had my car for 8 months and have 4 more before I need an oil change but it's gonna cost me like $100. At least I get a loaner and don't have to wait.