The rewards of etiquette

[Jimmy Durante]

http://www.usatoday.com/money/companies ... rule_x.htm

CEOs say how you treat a waiter can predict a lot about character

Office Depot CEO Steve Odland remembers like it was yesterday working in an upscale French restaurant in Denver.

The purple sorbet in cut glass he was serving tumbled onto the expensive white gown of an obviously rich and important woman. "I watched in slow motion ruining her dress for the evening," Odland says. "I thought I would be shot on sight."

Thirty years have passed, but Odland can't get the stain out of his mind, nor the woman's kind reaction. She was startled, regained composure and, in a reassuring voice, told the teenage Odland, "It's OK. It wasn't your fault." When she left the restaurant, she also left the future Fortune 500 CEO with a life lesson: You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats the waiter.

Odland isn't the only CEO to have made this discovery. Rather, it seems to be one of those rare laws of the land that every CEO learns on the way up. It's hard to get a dozen CEOs to agree about anything, but all interviewed agree with the Waiter Rule.

They acknowledge that CEOs live in a Lake Wobegon world where every dinner or lunch partner is above average in their deference. How others treat the CEO says nothing, they say. But how others treat the waiter is like a magical window into the soul.

And beware of anyone who pulls out the power card to say something like, "I could buy this place and fire you," or "I know the owner and I could have you fired." Those who say such things have revealed more about their character than about their wealth and power.

Whoever came up with the waiter observation "is bang spot on," says BMW North America President Tom Purves, a native of Scotland, a citizen of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland, who lives in New York City with his Norwegian wife, Hilde, and works for a German company. That makes him qualified to speak on different cultures, and he says the waiter theory is true everywhere.

The CEO who came up with it, or at least first wrote it down, is Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson. He wrote a booklet of 33 short leadership observations called Swanson's Unwritten Rules of Management. Raytheon has given away 250,000 of the books.

Among those 33 rules is only one that Swanson says never fails: "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person."

Swanson says he first noticed this in the 1970s when he was eating with a man who became "absolutely obnoxious" to a waiter because the restaurant did not stock a particular wine.

"Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with," Swanson writes. "Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles."

The Waiter Rule also applies to the way people treat hotel maids, mailroom clerks, bellmen and security guards. Au Bon Pain co-founder Ron Shaich, now CEO of Panera Bread, says he was interviewing a candidate for general counsel in St. Louis. She was "sweet" to Shaich but turned "amazingly rude" to someone cleaning the tables, Shaich says. She didn't get the job.

Shaich says any time candidates are being considered for executive positions at Panera Bread, he asks his assistant, Laura Parisi, how they treated her, because some applicants are "pushy, self-absorbed and rude" to her before she transfers the call to him.

Just about every CEO has a waiter story to tell. Dave Gould, CEO of Witness Systems, experienced the rule firsthand when a waitress dumped a full glass of red wine on the expensive suit of another CEO during a contract negotiation. The victim CEO put her at ease with a joke about not having had time to shower that morning. A few days later, when there was an apparent impasse during negotiations, Gould trusted that CEO to have the character to work out any differences.

CEOs who blow up at waiters have an ego out of control, Gould says. "They're saying, 'I'm better. I'm smarter.' Those people tend not to be collaborative."

"To some people, speaking in a condescending manner makes them feel important, which to me is a total turnoff," says Seymour Holtzman, chairman of Casual Male Retail Group, which operates big-and-tall men's clothing stores including Casual Male XL.

How people were raised

Such behavior is an accurate predictor of character because it isn't easily learned or unlearned but rather speaks to how people were raised, says Siki Giunta, CEO of U.S. technology company Managed Objects, a native of Rome who once worked as a London bartender.

More recently, she had a boss who would not speak directly to the waiter but would tell his assistant what he wanted to eat, and the assistant would tell the waiter in a comical three-way display of pomposity. What did Giunta learn about his character? "That he was demanding and could not function well without a lot of hand-holding from his support system," she said.

It's somewhat telling, Giunta says, that the more elegant the restaurant, the more distant and invisible the wait staff is. As if the more important the customer, the less the wait staff matters. People view waiters as their temporary personal employees. Therefore, how executives treat waiters probably demonstrates how they treat their actual employees, says Sara Lee CEO Brenda Barnes, a former waitress and postal clerk, who says she is a demanding boss but never shouts at or demeans an employee.

"Sitting in the chair of CEO makes me no better of a person than the forklift operator in our plant," she says. "If you treat the waiter, or a subordinate, like garbage, guess what? Are they going to give it their all? I don't think so."

CEOs aren't the only ones who have discovered the Waiter Rule. A November survey of 2,500 by It's Just Lunch, a dating service for professionals, found that being rude to waiters ranks No. 1 as the worst in dining etiquette, at 52%, way ahead of blowing your nose at the table, at 35%.

Waiters say that early in a relationship, women will pull them aside to see how much their dates tipped, to get a read on their frugality and other tendencies. They are increasingly discussing boorish behavior by important customers at http://www.waiterrant.net and other blogs. They don't seem to mind the demanding customer, such as those who want meals prepared differently because of high blood pressure. But they have contempt for the arrogant customer.

Rule works with celebrities, too

The Waiter Rule also applies to celebrities, says Jimmy Rosemond, CEO of agency Czar Entertainment, who has brokered deals for Mike Tyson, Mario Winans and Guerilla Black. Rosemond declines to name names, but he remembers one dinner episode in Houston a few years back with a rude divisional president of a major music company.

When dinner was over, Rosemond felt compelled to apologize to the waiter on the way out. "I said, 'Please forgive my friend for acting like that.' It's embarrassing. They go into rages for simple mistakes like forgetting an order."

Rosemond says that particular music executive also treated his assistants and interns poorly — and was eventually fired.

Odland says he saw all types of people 30 years ago as a busboy. "People treated me wonderfully and others treated me like dirt. There were a lot of ugly people. I didn't have the money or the CEO title at the time, but I had the same intelligence and raw ability as I have today.

"Why would people treat me differently? Your value system and ethics need to be constant at all times regardless of who you are dealing with."

Holtzman grew up in the coal-mining town of Wilkes-Barre, Pa., and in the 1950s saw opportunity as a waiter 90 miles away in the Catskill Mountains, where customers did not tip until the end of the week. When they tipped poorly, he would say: "Sir, will you and your wife be tipping separately?"

"I saw a lot of character, or the lack thereof," says Holtzman, who says he can still carry three dishes in his right hand and two in his left.

"But for some twist of fate in life, they're the waiter and you're the one being waited on," Barnes says.

[Arlos]

That is a pretty cool article.

-Arlos

[Captain Insano]

I agree with that article....

Except when dining in San Diego.

The waitresses in almost every restaurant, no matter how expensive, are fucking smarmy mouthed bitches just like all the other women in San Diego.

The minute I sense rudeness I turn into a huge asshole. I always let them know first, before I go into asshole mode that I think they are being stupid and then I punish them for the rest of the meal and leave a 10 cent tip.

The 10 cent tip is important... It lets them know you didn't just forget the top all together, but more so that you thought the service sucked.

That way the waitress is forced to work the entire shift pissed off and hopefully she is so angry she does a few shots after work, some coke and then gets in a huge car accident suffering major 3rd degree burns and has to live her life like a freak until her dying days.

My god I hate san diego.

[Narrock]

I agree with that article....

Except when dining in San Diego.

The waitresses in almost every restaurant, no matter how expensive, are fucking smarmy mouthed bitches just like all the other women in San Diego.

The minute I sense rudeness I turn into a huge asshole. I always let them know first, before I go into asshole mode that I think they are being stupid and then I punish them for the rest of the meal and leave a 10 cent tip.

The 10 cent tip is important... It lets them know you didn't just forget the top all together, but more so that you thought the service sucked.

That way the waitress is forced to work the entire shift pissed off and hopefully she is so angry she does a few shots after work, some coke and then gets in a huge car accident suffering major 3rd degree burns and has to live her life like a freak until her dying days.

My god I hate san diego.

Don't you just love how they automatically add a 20% gratuity to your check in San Diego restaurants? That happened to me twice in the Gaslamp District.

[Captain Insano]

San Diego fucking sucks. Orange County is better in every way.

San Diego recently got a D+ rating on their restaurants in general in Men's Health and I saw the same survey in some other mag I'm forgetting. They factored in price, service, how sanitary the restaurants were, and the quality of the food.

[Harrison]

I treat waitresses well because 90% of the time, I will see them again. (bartenders too, especially if they're hot)

[Tikker]

bit of a tangent but related


I loved the episode of "3rd rock from the sun" where Lithgow's character was learning how tipping works


he had that stack of money on the table that represented the potential tip, and he'd subtract from it every time the waiter did something wrong, haha




ps, I don't mind tipping when I get good service, but I fucking refuse to tip just because you're a waiter/waitress

earn it, or get none


pps, I've actually tipped fast food folks if they've done something extra. same with a video store girl

well, the video store girl was more because I was in a new town, and she was really really cute~

[Harrison]

Yeah, if they're hot I can't help but give them a decent tip.

[Captain Insano]

I tip extremely well... but if my waitress is a cunting little bitch I will make her life miserable.

This really only happens in San Diego. If they are hot, which is EXTREMELY, rare in San Diego I usually don't tip much more...because chances are that when they aren't working they are at the clubs and their pussy is just one giant, loose train wreck of abuse, and therefore it doesn't matter what they look like.

[Gaazy]

they have to earn my tip

[Markarado]

We don't tip in Malaysia. In fact tipping in most Asian countries is very uncommon. Only in the Philipines did I notice people tipping, which probably has a lot to do with the large amount of American influence the country has. Instead we have service tax which replaces tipping. Service sucks as a result.

[Jay]

I like to tip hot waitresses. Right in the mouf.

[DESX]

Lol I always try to tip at 15% but if they are being little lazy bitchs and come to the table only like once after they initially serve my food and dont refill my drink or just seem like they have an attitude, then I leave them a penny.

[Martrae]

Kahar always bases his tips on how quickly they refill his drink. He generally drinks 3-4 glasses per meal. He tips extremely well (when he feels they deserve it), though.

[brinstar]

i've always felt that way, i've even told people "you can learn a lot about someone by how they treat a waiter"

the story i tell though is about my roommate's ex-girlfriend jess

about 4 or 5 years ago, myself, those two, and my friend and his wife were dining real late at a perkins (kinda like denny's i guess) here in lincoln. the waiter was having a real tough time, you could tell he was new and there were a lot of tables in his section. we ordered some shakes for dessert, and they took about 10 minutes to get there. i kind of knew that would happen, because my soda hadn't been refilled since i first sat down, but w/e. naturally, the shakes were half-melted. 3 of us thanked him and started in on our shakes, but jess raised cain about them. she hollered at the waiter, told him to find another line of work, and demanded to speak to the manager. she was all , my roommate was all , and the rest of us were all . the manager came over and apologized profusely and comped the meal. then she started in on him and would not hear any sort of excuse.

not long after that, she dumped him, took her sweet time moving out of their apartment, and between dumping him and moving out, had several unsavory characters over for sweaty pig sex.

[Harrison]

sweaty pig sex

[Jay]

"Like nasty pigs, got it!"

Name that movie.

[Minrott]

Tipping is a perfect example of why capitalism works. Like Mark said, they have a 'service tax' and service is generally shitty. Go anywhere where tips are expected in return for good service, and it's exemplary. Especially strip clubs.

[Tossica]

I always tip at least 20% in a restaurant and 1$ per drink out at the club. If I have been waiting too long for my meal or drink or get rude service etc, I will just get up and leave. I won't spend money at a place with shitty service. As long as the service was ok, I don't mind tipping.

[leah]

having been a server, i am ridiculous about leaving big tips. always at LEAST 15%, no matter what, and if they do an extra good job, it's more. i try to take into consideration that if they're crabby it's probably because they've had a terrible night of work for one reason or another.

although i suppose crabby is one thing, but rude is completely different... if they're just rude, i'll give them the bare minimum tip. i can't stiff someone; i know what it's like to have to scrape by on tips.

i also rarely, if ever, complain about mistakes... and am slightly embarrassed if someone with whom i am dining does so. i don't know why; i think i just feel bad for the server. just roll with it, y'know? unless they do something like put nuts on the dish of someone who requested it without because of their peanut allergy, chances are it's an honest mistake.

[The Kizzy]

When I lived with Tucker, I worked at an Outback Steaknouse in Hagerstown, Maryland. If there were more than 8 people in your party, we added 15% gratuity. We made sure to point it out to everyone even though it was clearly printed on the menu. I remember one time I had this table of 6 kids and 4 adults. THey all looked like they had just crawled out of West Virginia back woods or something. I mean really stinky, greasy hair, and missing a few teeth. I took care of them, laughed at their jokes, and even managed not to point out the lice crawling all over their bald sons head.

At the end of the night, they had many beers and I had gone to get boxes. THe bill was up around $150. I came back to the table and they were all gone, I figured they went to the bathroom, and it only took me a second to realize that they were skipping on the bill.

I ran out front and saw them piling into their truck. So I said excuse me, there must be some confusion, someone needs to pay the bill. SO I got her back inside and handed her the bill and she demanded to see a manager. She started going on and on about how I was a hitty server, and they never had their drinks refilled blah blah blah. My manager actually said, "If you never had your drink refilled then why does she have 16 beers on your ticket" but in the end, they ended up not having to tip me at all. She tried to get their check comped but he was having none of that.

Anyway, when she walked out of the resturaunt, she tripped and fell, and busted her nose. Karma servers her right, dumb bitch.

[Jimmy Durante]

I never had the experience of working in dining establishments, but growing up my parents always showed extreme hospitality and decorum towards waitstaff, even if mistakes were made. A little class goes a long way, and I agree you can tell quite a bit about one's upbringing by their treatment of waitstaff.

[Darcler]

having been a server, i am ridiculous about leaving big tips. always at LEAST 15%, no matter what, and if they do an extra good job, it's more. i try to take into consideration that if they're crabby it's probably because they've had a terrible night of work for one reason or another.

although i suppose crabby is one thing, but rude is completely different... if they're just rude, i'll give them the bare minimum tip. i can't stiff someone; i know what it's like to have to scrape by on tips.

i also rarely, if ever, complain about mistakes... and am slightly embarrassed if someone with whom i am dining does so. i don't know why; i think i just feel bad for the server. just roll with it, y'know? unless they do something like put nuts on the dish of someone who requested it without because of their peanut allergy, chances are it's an honest mistake.

Gid and I are with you. We have both been on the other side of the food tray
Actually, this last time we went out, we went to Applebee's. We got our seat and waited for our server to come over and take our drink order (I was so thristy). Well it took her about 15 minutes to get to our table. We order our drinks and order a plate of chips and salsa. We got our drinks and she asks for our food order. We ordered.
Some dude brought our food out and Hailey's meal was wrong (we ordered applesauce but she got fries...no big deal really). My tea was gone and Gid was done with his beer. Oh and I never got my chips. We are close to done with our meals when she comes up to refill my tea. Gid grabs a manager as he happens to walk by and we explain about our service and whatever, just really asking for him to talk to her, but he ends up comping half our meal.
When we came in, the table near us that she was waiting on was splitting a check a million different ways and she got some of it wrong and they were sort of rude to her about it. So we figure she was just having a bad night after that. We ended up tipping her based on the original price.
But Gid's a big tipper. He gave a $10 on a $30 to our Hooters waitress.

[Griever]

I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something, a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job.

[The Kizzy]

And Mr Pink died a horrible death didn't he?