Question for the ladies who have ever been in a relationship

[Jay]

Based on everything I've heard from Kizzy, the guy's a stupid oaf who has no idea how to manage and balance the things in his life. While that may be ok for some people I think it's best to dump him before he passes on those less than admirable traits to her children. Kizzy has been mothering him pretty much. They're supposed to be equal partners.

[Trielelvan]

Jeesus christ, you hear "He went to the bar to collect a pay stub he said!" and you guys automatically assume the guys out selling meth. For fucks sake give him a little bit of credit.

Not really... if he was selling meth, he'd have rent and other bills covered, and wouldn't be mooching off her.

Jaz, in case you haven't noticed, some of us are a little old and no longer in a position to deal with a "fixer-upper" relationship that could possibly lead into marriage.

Well, I think he is really concerned about getting the rent paid. He asked his boss if he could mow the shop yard for some extra hours, and he is collecting on some old debt. HE told me this and then he left for the bar to meet the guy to collect the debt. SIGH

If there is an ounce of truth to what you've said, and from Jay's post up there, I'd say that's pretty probable, you are doing yourself a disservice if you keep trying to "make it work."

[Gargamellow]

No. Silvy...unless you don't feel like giving him time to grow up...which..well...I wouldn't waste my time on another man who is too young to know how to pay bills rather than buy a fucking camaro with our rent money.

[Lueyen]

You know it does say something when an overwhelming majority of the NT community is firmly united in their opinion. That being the case, I'm really surprised you even seriously needed to ask. It indicates that either Jazendar's reservations about not knowing the whole story are right, or you are just looking for confirmation or reassurance in doing what you know needs to be done.

[Parv]

I'm sorry, but I read this thread and the first thing I thought was, "and I'm not getting laid!"

Seriously though, fuck this dude, get him out of your life.

--parv

[The Kizzy]

You guys are telling her to leave someone in real life over a small discharge of information she provided about the guy while pissed off. Obviously there's two sides to every story, and i'm sure there are plenty of positive things about this dude. Only she knows, none of you should be telling her to get the fuck out when you know 3 sentences of their life together. Jeesus christ, you hear "He went to the bar to collect a pay stub he said!" and you guys automatically assume the guys out selling meth. For fucks sake give him a little bit of credit.

Theres only one way to live with someone else, split the bills 50% or find someway to reach a reasonable medium, or kiss your piss ant boyfriend goodbye. If he can't find a decent job, sucks for him and move on. You're in a pickle, but coming to a bunch people on the internet with tidbits of information looking for advice is just idiodic and attention fishing.

There are two sides to every story. You are right. He hates the fact that we live with my brother. He knew when we first started dating that I had made a commitment to live with my brother for 2 years to help him get out of debt (even though lately, he has been bailing me out)

He is jealous that my brother and I are so close. He actually cried because I bought my brother a birthday cake and not him. I mean actual tears of jealousy.

He wants to be in a commited relationship, but does not want any responsibility. When we first started dating, I was a bartender at a hick bar. It was a trash hole (still is) but the tips were pretty good. He would come in EVERY Tuesday and borrow money for gas and smokes because he had ran out and he didnt get paid until Thursday. He would pay me back, most of the time. That is not the point. He told me he was making $1,000 a week. I couldn't figure out how he couldn't make it one week when he spends $35 on smokes, $40 to fill his tank, $150 for other responsibilities. That's only $225 a week. The other $775 should be spending money. Then I realized that he had nothing to show for it. He has a junker car that has the windows busted out, but in the 6 months we have been dating, and with all the money he made, he couldn't replace them. Then I asked him again when we had first started talking about moving in together. He said he made $16 an hour. Then I let him borrow my car one day, and when I was cleaning out the broken glass from the windows that was still there from a year prior in his car, I found a recent pay stub. He makes $13 an hour. OK, still, he makes decent money. But why lie? I can understand at first when you are trying to impress a girl, but when you start talking about moving in together and asking her to take care of all the finances, don't you think then would be a good time to come clean?

We found out I was pregnant. He told me to quit 2 of my 3 part time jobs. Just to keep the one at the real state office on the weekends until I could find one that I made more money. I did that. I found a better job, I make more money, and I get more hours. He told me that there is no reason he can't afford to take care of the bills as long as I take care of the house, cleaning, and cooking, etc. Ok, my paychecks were to be for going out to the movies, or to dinner once a week. I got my last paycheck last week, and we had to pay his parents almost $200 out of it.

I found out (after we moved in together) that he has to pay his Dad money every week, because he totalled his truck when he was drugged out on meth for 4 days straight a few years ago, and his Dad had to refinance his house to pay the debt off since he cosinged on it for him. We are talking $300 a month. I can understand that. But then it's oh, Dad wants extra money this week. SOrry, but we have our own bills to pay. I budget his Dad in. Every other week, we give him $150. THen he went out and bought a Surburban. Its only $300 a month for 7 months. Its a 1979 and it gets like 5 mpg. He was putting $200 a week in for gas, and still borrowing money right before payday. I told him to get rid of it, he comes home and tells me he traded it for a motorcycle.

Its not that I am coming here and ranting about him because I am mad. I am upset, but I am not mad. I just know how I am, I find one thing wrong and I harp and harp and harp until I drive them away, or I shit on them as I am leaving. Ask Taxx. I want to make sure I am not be unreasonable. I came here, as said before, for some reassurance that I was doing the right thing, because I know deep doown, that noone will ever compare to my ex husband, whom after 3 years I am still deeply in love with, and I can't let it go. That is another issue all in itself though.

I wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision.

You wanted to know some good things about him. He is taller than me. He is cute. He is a family oriented guy, when it comes to his family. (See my earlier post about the vigilante justice on his brother in law) I can't tell you how many times he has offered to babysit for me to help me save money, only to dump my kids on his MOm or my brother who just got home from a night out with the guys and is still so drunk he cant walk straight. He ended up in the ER (with no insurance) about a month ago because he couldn't breath. His asthma sparked up and it was really bad for him. He was in their for 5 days. What is the first thing he did when he got out? SParked up a smoke, and after about three hits, he had to take some of his inhaler, and continued smoking.

Let's see, what else is good about him? Everyone loves him, and thinks he is a great guy except hsi exes (one of which is my next door neighbor). He is fantastic in bed. Very creative and adventoursome. That aboutsums it up.

[Gidan]

You do realize there is a HUGE difference between the guy you started this thread about and the guy you were talking about in the most recent update.

It does sound as though he may be living a bit beyond what he can actually afford and going out to eat and to bars probably should stop, however based on this it really doesn't sound like he is blowing tons on $$. Also if you have 2 cars and he traded in that 5pmg car for a motorcycle, he probably made a great deal gas wise, he can probably get 40+ MPG in that.

Does he sound perfect? No, but no one really is. The real issue is; is this someone you can live with? It really doesn't matter what we think, the person that matters is you and how it will affect your life. If he really is beyond what you can live with, then you should get out. If being with him is worth this, then you shouldn't.

[Spazz]

SParked up a smoke, and after about three hits, he had to take some of his inhaler, and continued smoking

I dont mean to jack your thrread but thats totally how an athesmatic smokes. Now back on subject..... If your still hung up on your ex how do you expect to make any other relationship work?

[Jazendar]

because I know deep doown, that noone will ever compare to my ex husband, whom after 3 years I am still deeply in love with, and I can't let it go. That is another issue all in itself though.

oh jeesus christ, listen to yourself. I think you're a cool person kizzy, i pick on you from time to time, and you've still been a help in some of the posts i've had concerns with. But holy shit, I can't stress enough what Spazz just posted.

The guy has finance problems, what do you want us to tell you, shoot him? I think the best advice you're going to get is from yourself, you know what to do, we know nothing about you or your situation other than the little things you've told us. You're a grown women, you've been through a lot of shit, and this is another loophole you need to face without the help of the Internet.


Ps: I will contradict what I just said and give a little bit of men advice, yes i'm young, but i'm not an idiot. Guys want to impress, they want to provide, they want to help. This guy feels like he should be making more money to provide, and by telling you he makes 16 bucks an hour, allows him that daydream. Now, if you two were talking about moving in together, he probably thinks that by coming clean those chances of a "Trustworthy" relationship would be postponed, and things would turn the other way. You say he should have 775 a week spending money. Well, 35 on smokes, 40 to fill his tank, (if you can find a place to fill your tank for 40 dollars, let mek now), 150 for beer / other responsibilities, and don't forget to add 200 for food. So 200+150+35+40(yea right)=425, so he should have 575 extra money. Ok now check out the 300 a month for his parents. Now he has 275 left, and other various things he may be interested in, that money doesn't last long.

I think he's an average joe with ambition to put food on the table, with a lack of advice from his parents.

Ask yourself one question: Is he dragging you down into his parents debt loophole? Has it become a pattern of paying his parents out of your paycheck?

[Jay]

Sounds like this guy is pimpin Kizz. He's got you paying for his shit and lies to you a lot. Hmm...

[The Kizzy]

Yes, every penny I make goes towards paying bills he said he would take responsibilty for (rent, etc). I havent made a car payment in 4 months, they want to come take it. I havent had car insurance on said car in 3 months.

Yes, he traded in for a motorcycle, but he can't pay for the car he wtill owes his Dad for. We budget $150 every other week to pay his parents, but something always happens and he spends the money elsewhere.

[Jazendar]

Sounds like he's using you. Perhaps you were a little lax in the beginning, always harder to bring it back around now that the relationship has moved a bit.

[Lionking]

<img src="http://blog.davisvillage.com/images/redneck.jpg">

[Jazendar]

Dang, Ralf and Garg have been dieting.

[The Kizzy]

I lost the baby, thanks Lion

[Jennay]

Is it just me or does that girl in the pic have a "21" tat on her chest? Nascar I'm assuming?

[Trielelvan]

lol yeah she does, but it's all photoshopped though.

[The Kizzy]

Well. He woke up from his nap today and told me he needed to "get out of the house" to think. He just left. I kept trying to call and text him. 6 hours later he sends me a text that said. I'm at my parents house, I need time to think. I told him to stay there. I didnt want him here, and he can pick up all his stuff tomorrow when he dropped off the house key. He replied "ok"

[Jazendar]

It's for the best Kizzy.

[10sun]

Well. He woke up from his nap today and told me he needed to "get out of the house" to think. He just left. I kept trying to call and text him. 6 hours later he sends me a text that said. I'm at my parents house, I need time to think. I told him to stay there. I didnt want him here, and he can pick up all his stuff tomorrow when he dropped off the house key. He replied "ok"

I swear to god you are a man. You just grew some balls.

[Captain Insano]

<img src="http://blog.davisvillage.com/images/redneck.jpg">

fuck i look good in that pic

[The Kizzy]

I know its for the best, but it stil sucks.

[The Kizzy]

I think I just had an epiphany of what happened!!. Its all those Myspace bulletins that I didn't forward within 15 minutes!!!!!

[Trielelvan]

I'm sorry Kiz. I know it sucks, but it would suck worse if this were to continue in the direction it was headed.
Lots of hugs to you.
You deserve far better. <3

[Martrae]

I'm sorry Kiz. I know it sucks, but it would suck worse if this were to continue in the direction it was headed.
Lots of hugs to you.
You deserve far better. <3

Triel pretty much summed it up.

Much <3 to you!