family/moral issue I could use help on

[araby]

my grandfather's will says that his estate will be divided among my mother and my two brothers and I. my grandfather's car is a part of this estate. my parents say that my grandad wanted my mom to have the car, and they also say that his accountant told my mother that when she went by to see him after he died.

my parents want me to sign a waiver, along with my two brothers (who have agreed) forfeiting our rights to the estate, so that probate does not force them to sell the car. I asked my mom what she plans to do with the car and she said she is probably going to drive it for a year. I asked her then, because I do not have a car, and am currently working toward getting in the position to get one-what she was going to do with her other car. She said she plans to keep making payments on it. I asked her if she would possibly leave the option open for me to make payments for her and drive it and she said no, that she would sell me the car only. (I can't do this unless someone gave me a loan which won't happen without a cosigner and she knows this.)

I then said to my mother "essentially you want me to sign a waiver to my legal right to my portion of the estate so you can drive the car" and she said yes. then she got very angry with me and made my dad talk to me because "she (ie me) doesn't understand what's going on."

I told my father that I didn't want to sound selfish or that I didn't trust them, but that I wasn't sure about signing away my legal right to something. I don't want to think about my mom's intentions because they are her own, and I don't want to question them however it's impossible to that without essentially giving up what's legally mine.

I don't think my parents would withhold anything from me, but they haven't offered anything in place of it or for it. Cars depreciate (substantially) in value. I asked my mom, "do you plan on keeping the car forever and never selling it?" and she said, "well I'll probably sell it one day."

I'm just not sure about this. what would *you* do?

[10sun]

Don't sign the waiver.

You can sign a waiver stating that the car will stay outside of the estate. Do not forfeit what your grandfather said he wanted you to have.

[araby]

Don't sign the waiver.

You can sign a waiver stating that the car will stay outside of the estate. Do not forfeit what your grandfather said he wanted you to have.

so, is the waiver that my parents want me to sign the same thing as the waiver you're talking about, which says the car will stay out of the estate? or is that completely different?? and if they are different, do I still have 1/4 of my right to the sale of the car when that is done? because if it's not part of the estate, doesn't that essentially sign away my right?

understand too..that my parents are telling me that my grandfather did not want the car to be a part of the estate, they are saying that he wanted her to have it.

[Xaiveir]

Don't sign the waiver.

You can sign a waiver stating that the car will stay outside of the estate. Do not forfeit what your grandfather said he wanted you to have.

I concur.

[10sun]

It will be completely different.

You'll probably need someone to draft the document for you.

-Adam

[Trielelvan]

I have to agree and say to not sign anything until you know exactly what it is you are signing. You may have nothing to worry about.
What is possible that's happening is that the estate being divided up between all of you does not allow enough money to pay on the taxes owed, and that, in turn, the car would have to be sold in order to cover that.
My inlaws went through something very similar to this 4 years ago when my husband's uncle died.
I know that in our scenario, the amount of taxes in total was nearly 3 times higher with it split up than when it was not.
Find out.

I'm sorry your grandfather died

[araby]

I have to agree and say to not sign anything until you know exactly what it is you are signing. You may have nothing to worry about.
What is possible that's happening is that the estate being divided up between all of you does not allow enough money to pay on the taxes owed, and that, in turn, the car would have to be sold in order to cover that.
My inlaws went through something very similar to this 4 years ago when my husband's uncle died.
I know that in our scenario, the amount of taxes in total was nearly 3 times higher with it split up than when it was not.
Find out.

I'm sorry your grandfather died

this is an interesting perspective...so what you're saying is, that if they decided to split the car 4 ways, which is what legally it says to do in the will, then the taxes owed could possibly end up being a lot of money so it would be a better decision to NOT sell the car. and in my mother's case, this works out for her very well. they say I would get something...at some point and that I would be going on their word.

I have a new direction in life lately and I want to do the right thing with good meaning behind what I do. does that mean doing what my family wants? my brothers agreed...

[Tikker]

well

does the estate have more to it than just the car?

ie, is there cash for all, plus a car on the side?

[araby]

well

does the estate have more to it than just the car?

ie, is there cash for all, plus a car on the side?

no

[Tossica]

What kind of car is it?

[Tikker]

if your mom wants the car, have the value of it evaluated, and have her buy your share of the vehicle

[araby]

it's a buick something...has 40k miles on it, one of those cars that your grandad would drive.

[Lyion]

There are a lot of holes in this story, Araby.

This part did stick out to me:

I asked my mom what she plans to do with the car and she said she is probably going to drive it for a year. I asked her then, because I do not have a car, and am currently working toward getting in the position to get one-what she was going to do with her other car. She said she plans to keep making payments on it. I asked her if she would possibly leave the option open for me to make payments for her and drive it and she said no, that she would sell me the car only.

That seems a deal breaker to me.

If she wants the car that much, she should be willing to give, especially since you seem to be much more in need than she is.

I voted no.

[araby]

There are a lot of holes in this story, Araby.

This part did stick out to me:

I asked my mom what she plans to do with the car and she said she is probably going to drive it for a year. I asked her then, because I do not have a car, and am currently working toward getting in the position to get one-what she was going to do with her other car. She said she plans to keep making payments on it. I asked her if she would possibly leave the option open for me to make payments for her and drive it and she said no, that she would sell me the car only.

That seems a deal breaker to me.

If she wants the car that much, she should be willing to give, especially since you seem to be much more in need than she is.

I voted no.

if I decide to not sign it based on how I feel about her not giving in return to me, then that won't seem like the right thing to do. I already thought of this, and was extremely hurt by the want for me to help her get what she wants without any willingness to help me, though I was not surprised, my mother is genuinely like this.

in fact, tonight she mentioned (unrelated to this topic though) for the eleven-hundredth time how she's supported me for 30 years (this number grows as I do even though I haven't asked her for anything in 5+ years and wasn't when she yelled this to me.)

I wonder, if I give my mother what she wants, which is what is rightfully mine, if I will feel better in the end for giving to her without anything in return.

if we were talking about thousands of dollars, I probably might feel differently. it's just a car. or a few thousand for me, if even that-probably not.

[Martrae]

So, basically you are asking if it's ok to be a doormat..even if it's just to your mother.

I gotta agree with Tikker...if she wants it so bad she could buy your (and your brothers') share of it.

[Markarado]

It's just a car - a car that probably isn't worth very much.

It seems to me that your mother is being very unreasonable. What I believe you should be looking at here are the risks to your relationship with your family. If you make a big stink about this would it hurt your relatinoship with your mother and brothers? If it would then I'd highly recommend that you just give in to your mother's wishes as unreasonable as they may be.

[Jennay]

Just see if you can get something drawn up to exclude the car from everything else and let her have it. Is the estate worth a lot more than the car once divided between you and your brother? If so that's cool. I am just wondering why your mom is being such a lootwhore with the cars when you don't have one. She won't even let you drive one? I wouldn't sign anything until you know exactly what it entails.

[kaharthemad]

Araby...if you sign this I will label you a tampon. -Something for people to bleed on-.


No offense to you but it sounds like your mom is the one being a bitch. Tell her to have the car appraised and if she wants the fucking thing she can give you your share of it in the form of dead presidents. Also tell her she can take her fucking waiver fold it till it is all corners and shove it up her ass.

[Dimuza]

So, basically you are asking if it's ok to be a doormat..even if it's just to your mother.

I gotta agree with Tikker...if she wants it so bad she could buy your (and your brothers') share of it.

I agree.

Ar, is it not possible to talk to your mother about this? It does appear that she is asking you to sign away everything, so that she can have 2 cars...why would she want two cars? I feel like you are not unreasonable to ask the question. Maybe we don't all understand everything....is there someone that can explain it?

Is it possible that the 'estate' includes a number of debts, that your mother will be paying, & that she's viewing the car as a kind of reimbursement for that?

I'm also sorry that your grandfather died.

[Xaiveir]

well

does the estate have more to it than just the car?

ie, is there cash for all, plus a car on the side?

no

Is there an estimated value of the entire estate?

[Narrock]

Araby...if you sign this I will label you a tampon. -Something for people to bleed on-.


No offense to you but it sounds like your mom is the one being a bitch. Tell her to have the car appraised and if she wants the fucking thing she can give you your share of it in the form of dead presidents. Also tell her she can take her fucking waiver fold it till it is all corners and shove it up her ass.

I have to agree with Kahar on this. They are hiding something from you, or just not telling you the whole story. Don't sign the waiver.

[Gargamellow]

Moral has nothing to do with it. Your mom is being selfish/ Just because she is your mother doesn't mean she is always right. As a mother, her first thoughts should be of taking care of her children. If she can't give a little, then she shouldn't get anymore. She already has enouh to make her think she deserves it all.

Don't sign the waiver. And if the family wants to be dicks about it, well...they say you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. There is a reason they say that.

You might feel as if you are directly disrespecting your mother by doing this and you sort of are. But she has disrespected you by asking you to sign away your rights to begin with. Not to mention, as someone said before, your grandpa loved you and wants you to have part of the estate.

I made a few enemies in my family when I began college jut because they don't want me to write stories about them along the way. They don't want me to go into politics because they are afraid the world will find things out about our family. Do you think I will let them stop me? Hell no. IF they decide they aren't going to leave me anything, well gee...I guess I don't get the George Foreman grill. I don't know if you are goin to be written out of the "will" or anything for this, so it is totally up to you.

Final word, don't sign anything.

P.S. This is all on you. Are you often bullied by your family? Did your grandpa want her to have the car so she could sell it and give you kids all something? Is your mother going to drive it into the ground and make it worth nothing??

These are questions you need to consider.

[The Kizzy]

Do not sign that wavier. If your grnadfather wanted your mother to have this car so badly he would have put it in his will. Not just "told" her. Maybe your grandfather intended you to have the car since you don't have one. Unless it is in that will, there is no way to prove it. Not trying to sound harsh, but do not trust any family member when it comes to money. As I have posted before, my mother got royally raped when my grandparents died because of 2 greedy siblings. Don't sign it.

[Xaiveir]

Do not sign that wavier. If your grnadfather wanted your mother to have this car so badly he would have put it in his will. Not just "told" her. Maybe your grandfather intended you to have the car since you don't have one. Unless it is in that will, there is no way to prove it. Not trying to sound harsh, but do not trust any family member when it comes to money. As I have posted before, my mother got royally raped when my grandparents died because of 2 greedy siblings. Don't sign it.

Kizzy is right. The car should have been written into the will, certain possesions that the deceased wanted to have a particular person to have, it would have been written down. To me it sounds fishy, i wouldnt sign that at all.

A second option for you, is to contact a lawyer and have something written up that signs your rights away to the car, but not to the rest of the estate, and have your mother sign that. Then if she bitches to you about that, tell her its exactly what she is asking you to do.

To have something simple drafted up like that would not cost very much at all, and it protects you.

[Insanityfair]

Don't sign it. For all the really good reasons listed above. Something isn't right about the whole thing. They should pay you for your portion. You were included in the will for a reason, and I'm sure it's not so you can sign it all away to greedy family members.