kinghooter00 wrote:The whole "second care thing" brings me right back to the whole money situation. I got a promotion today so maybe in the near future, but for now that is not an option.
perhaps because you decided to help someone it came back...congratulations on your good faith and I hope it continues for you =)
Dangel wrote:Deiken, asking a serious question here.
If you had a child with someone, would you sign something that released you from all financial responsibilty from that child, and ban you from contact with your child, if your relationship with the mother ended?
If "I" fathered the child? No. I would not sign anything to release my financial obligations. If "I" fathered the child, I would step up and face my responsibility - regardless if she fought to keep me from seeing him/her or not.
That's a FAR cry from accepting someone else's offspring and taking THIER obligation on.
So what you are saying is that it is impossible for you to love another man's child as much as your own. That's not good or bad, it just is. It does explain why you cannot fathom someone else saying that they love this child as if it were their own.
I doubt that I would ever adopt, and for mostly the same reasons that you list. But I also know that in a relationship where I didn't adopt the other's kids, I would most likely never see them if it ended. Adoption assures that you will legally be in their life regardless of how things are between you and their mother.
In the real world - where we all SHOULD be living... you're diluted if you think for one moment that a man or woman is going to love another person's child as much as their own. Get real. There's not a single person that I've ever met who won't admit to it - secretly. OF COURSE you're going to love your own child that much more.
But, sinse most people don't live in the real world - since most people live in some fucked up fantasy land where they spew bullshit out of their mouths to make them feel good about themselves, or to make them look good in front of others....
For the last time.
What I am saying is that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ADOPT A CHILD to be that child's "father." You can love that child as much as you want with out ever having to change the kid's last name. You can help the mother pay the bills, go to the kid's soccer games, help the kid with his/her homework, help with dinner -- you can do everything a "father" should do WITHOUT having to sign your wallet away in some fucked up agreement that YOU as a man have been talked into by some woman who secretly wants some financial security - should and when the marriage goes wrong.
Why in the fuck is that so hard for you people to grasp?
I'm going to say it again - so some of the thick skulled readers will have a second crack at comprehending my point.
You ready? Heeerrrrrreeeeee we go!
You can be a child's "dad." You can love that child. You can look upon that child as your own. And, guess what? You can do alllllll these things without adopting him/her. IF you think it takes making the kid's last name the same as your to give you a sense that the kid is now "officially yours" - then you're a complete dumbass.
And AGAIN I say... when you're married to someone you don't have to adopt the kid to add said kid to your insurance, or for that kid to benefit from your work related benefits either.
Do you have a responsibility to help the mother raise and care for the child when you get married? YES. BUT - that responsibility STOPS when she files for divorce and sends you packing - UNLESS - you are the biological father.
FUCKING GET IT YET?
Is that clear enough?
Adoption is a SAFETY net for single mothers to gouge the shit out of you for a mistake THEY made with someone else. IT IS NOTHING MORE.
I can understand that vagina squad pissing and moaning about this - but you men... holy fuck are you really that damn diluted?
Why in the fuck would you put yourself in that situation? Why in the fuck would you sign away your financial future just so you can "feel" like the kid belongs to you? Jesus - why don't you just send a couple of checks once a month since you obviously don't give a shit about your money.
You meet a woman with a 4 year old child.
You fall "in love."
You get married.
You adopt her child.
Two years later she decides she wants to start fucking Jaun the grocery bag boy.
She files for divorce.
The kid is now 6 years old - you were married for 2 years.
She files for child support.
Guess what?
Now you are going to have to pay child support for a kid that isn't even yours for the next 12 YEARS.
A two or maybe three year relationship that ends up costing you THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of dollars over the course of 12 years for a child you didn't father. For a child you're probably not going to see but maybe once a year - until the child decides he/she doesn't want anything to do with you.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh I know I know I know
YOUR marriage will never end like that!!! Of course not!!! Everyone thinks they're going to be married for ever and ever and ever and live happily ever after like a Little House on the fucking Prarie episode.
A dumbass rushes into a sitation without thinking ahead. A wise man comtemplates the future and realizes that it may not last - that something could go wrong.
This country has a 50%+ rate of divorce. I don't give a flying fuck what you think - you have a 50/50 chance of making it 5 or more. Again - why would you risk your financial future for warm fuzzy feelings?
The whole child support part of it might suck, but that's not the entire picture it's part of a package. Adopting a child and assuming all responsibility for it has it's ups and downs. The upside is that he gets to continue a relationship with the child after the relationship fails whereas w/o the adoption the relationship ends with the mother AND child. The downside is the whole financial responsibility thing.
She questions your logic by asking this: Why would a mother do that with the goal of "getting a man by the balls" if she already has the real dad by the balls. In the end though, this undertaking is a way of the adoptive father to show that he cares and really loves the child enough to insure his relationship with the child will last despite what may or may not happen with the mother. Financially now that I think about it it's kind of a temporary bonus that you get to claim the child on your taxes as a dependant and get some extra dough each year. It's not much but hey, what if the relationship works out. It's 50/50 after all.
I disagree but I think I have an understanding of the arguement at hand.
I think that you adopting the child is awesome. I see the risks involved, but simply loving someone is a risk alone. Loving someone means that you are willing to do just about anything for them. Dieken has no concept of love other than for the girl that broke his heart.
Someone earlier asked if anyone here is a bastard child. A bastard child is someone born out of wedlock and having the father not be a father right? I could be wrong about the definition. If that is the definition, then yes, I'm a bastard child. My birth mother adopted me away. Earlier someone said that no person can love another person's child as much as their own. I have no doubt that my parents love me much more than most parents love their children. My father has a son from his first marriage, and I know that he loves me just as much as he loves my older non-blood related brother. My older brother asks about me all the time. He moved out when I was four so I barely know him, but he truely cares about me and loves me as well.
My younger brother (from my birth mom) is also a bastard child. His step-father adopted him. According to my brother, his step-father doesn't treat him the same as the other kids. It's sad, but it's not always the case.
I feel sorry for your Dieken. If you don't change your mindset you will grow to be an old, bitter, lonely, and unhappy man. Good luck with that!
Lol, This is going to turn into a "Come to Jesus" Discussion for Diekan.
I am glad that everybody is opening up alittle bit on this thread and actuallly speaking their mind instead of bullshitting around this with dumb quotes and pointless shit.
Diekan wrote:You're all wrong, and I'm right. You're all stupid, and I'm the only intelligent person on this board. You all know nothing about women, and I know everything about women. You all have serious comprehension problems, while I am the epitome of understanding. I think I'm going to vote myself King because the rest of you peons SUCK.
what a fag
“The more I study science the more I believe in God.” -- Albert Einstein
Diekan wrote:You're all wrong, and I'm right. You're all stupid, and I'm the only intelligent person on this board. You all know nothing about women, and I know everything about women. You all have serious comprehension problems, while I am the epitome of understanding. I think I'm going to vote myself King because the rest of you peons SUCK.
what a fag
There can only be one KING you jack ass. And that would be
Diekan wrote:You're all wrong, and I'm right. You're all stupid, and I'm the only intelligent person on this board. You all know nothing about women, and I know everything about women. You all have serious comprehension problems, while I am the epitome of understanding. I think I'm going to vote myself King because the rest of you peons SUCK.
what a fag
There can only be one KING you jack ass. And that would be
Diekan wrote:You're all wrong, and I'm right. You're all stupid, and I'm the only intelligent person on this board. You all know nothing about women, and I know everything about women. You all have serious comprehension problems, while I am the epitome of understanding. I think I'm going to vote myself King because the rest of you peons SUCK.
what a fag
There can only be one KING you jack ass. And that would be
but then he'd end up hating men too, hahaha
