Purity Balls

[Phlegm]

I'm all for abstinence. It prevents pregnancy and spread of std's far better than using a condom but this is nuts.

WASHINGTON (AFP) - It has all the ingredients of a wedding. The proud tuxedo-clad father, the frosted white cake, the limousines and an exchange of vows.

But there is no groom and the girl in the long gown is no bride. She's daddy's little girl, there to take a vow of chastity.

In what is becoming a trend among conservative Christians in the United States, girls as young as nine are pledging to their fathers to remain virgins until they wed, in elaborate ceremonies dubbed "Purity Balls."

The gala affairs are intended to celebrate the father-daughter relationship.

The highlight is when the fathers and daughters exchange vows, with dad signing a covenant to protect his daughter's chastity by living an unblemished life and the daughter promising not to have sex until marriage.

Many fathers at the ceremonies also slip "purity rings" around the finger of their misty-eyed daughters or offer them "chastity bracelets" and other jewelry that the girls can entrust to their husbands on their wedding night.

"The father makes a pledge that he is going to keep his mind pure and be faithful to her mother and there is also a time when there is a conversation about putting the right kinds of things in your mind, such as the father not using pornography," Leslee Unruh, founder of Abstinence Clearinghouse, a leader in the so-called purity movement, told AFP in describing the balls.

She said some 1,400 Purity Balls were held across the United States in 2006, mainly in the south and midwest, and double that number were expected to take place this year.

Mike Parcha, who recently attended one of these balls with his 11-year-old daughter Lora in the western state of Colorado, said the events reinforce his family's Christian beliefs.

"We realize that purity is a lifestyle, not an event, and this is just a celebration of that lifestyle and of that relationship that I have with my daughters," he said. "The ball is a culmination of the relationship we have with God and with each other."

He said his three daughters have looked forward to attending the balls and have no qualms about pledging to remain virgins until marriage.

"They are just all for it, they think it's the greatest thing," said Parcha, 43, who is a college math teacher. "We raise our children as Christians, we share the same beliefs .... and we're on the same page.

"It's not like there is a tug of war of any kind going on."

His two older daughters, aged 11 and 18, have attended the balls while the youngest, aged 4, must wait a few years. The three girls, along with their three brothers, are all home schooled. Parcha's oldest daughter Christy, who recently graduated from high school, is now working on a fictional book about "the emotional purity of a young girl as she grows up."

The first Purity Ball in the United States was organized in 1998 by Generations of Light, a popular Christian ministry based in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Randy Wilson, who runs the ministry with his wife, said the idea was to create an event that celebrates the bonds between father and daughter.

"We saw that in our culture there wasn't a place for the father to work for a good relationship with his daughter," Wilson told AFP. "So this (relationship) allows the daughter to become a stronger person in her culture as she is bombarded with all the sexual images that are out there."

Wilson, who has five daughters, said the balls have become so popular over the years that there is now a waiting list for those wishing to attend.

Enquiries are also pouring in from aboard with organizations or churches in New Zealand, Britain and other countries asking for guidance on how to organize such gatherings.

The popularity of the balls in the United States, especially among evangelical Christians, mirrors the Bush administration's support of abstinence education in US schools. The government's funding for such initiatives has more than doubled in recent years to 206 million dollars (150 million euros).

But critics say that while teaching abstinence to children may be laudable, it is just as essential to make them aware of sexually transmitted diseases and condom use.

They also point to studies showing that the majority of adolescents who take purity pledges break them within a few years, often by engaging in risky and unprotected sex.

One study conducted by researchers at the universities of Columbia and Yale found that 88 percent of pledgers wind up having sex before marriage.

"Unfortunately these young people tend, once they start to have sex, to have more partners in a shorter period of time and to use contraception much less than their non-pledging peers," said Debra Hauser, executive vice president at Advocates for Youth, a Washington-based non-profit organization.

"Teens may pledge with the best of intention... and then as they break their pledges they are so shamed and embarrassed that it's unlikely they will go for help."

[Snero]

One study conducted by researchers at the universities of Columbia and Yale found that 88 percent of pledgers wind up having sex before marriage.

"Unfortunately these young people tend, once they start to have sex, to have more partners in a shorter period of time and to use contraception much less than their non-pledging peers," said Debra Hauser, executive vice president at Advocates for Youth, a Washington-based non-profit organization.

wow preaching abstinence sure does work, this also applies to lyion's comment about religious parents in the other thread

[Burgy99]

One study conducted by researchers at the universities of Columbia and Yale found that 88 percent of pledgers wind up having sex before marriage.

"Unfortunately these young people tend, once they start to have sex, to have more partners in a shorter period of time and to use contraception much less than their non-pledging peers," said Debra Hauser, executive vice president at Advocates for Youth, a Washington-based non-profit organization.

wow preaching abstinence sure does work, this also applies to lyion's comment about religious parents in the other thread

From my experiences, this makes total sense. The few girls that I know that waited a long time to have sex, when they finally did they went on a humping spree. They were like " wow sex is GREAT and I can sleep with as many people that I want to because I waited this long to even start". Oddly enough, daddy's little girl who waited so long to have sex, turned into a whore.

[Lyion]

While I don't agree with this, and feel it's silly sensationalistic nonsense, I do think the counterpoint is not a very balanced or accurate one quoting a single study without much reference, relevance or open discussions into what the study was about, or how long and if there were other studies that refuted it.

People will believe what they want.

[Snero]

it's pretty much common sense, you've got a group of adults who will only preach abstinence. their children will be totally unprepared if and when they do become sexually active. This kind of education does nothing for the children, it's pretty much only for the benefit of their parents who prefer to believe their little angels would never even think of having sex.

Basing any kind of generalization off of personal experience is sketchy at best but I'm sure a lot of people know kids who were in this very position, and that study seems to reinforce this. I agree though that it is dangerous to quote studies out of context without any kind of background information

[Lyion]

I agree ignorance is wrong, but I disagree teaching abstinence, or waiting for sex is bad. You are insinuating these kids won't be learning about sexual things, just because they are not having sex. That may be the case in some regards, but I'd guess more teenage girls with no moral compass or direction in regards to sex will end up pregnant by stupidly spreading their legs due to their sole lessons being from some piss poor public school telling them sex is good and healthy and not informing them of the real repercussions of becoming a whore at an early age.

Pragmatism in regards to teenagers and sex is wise, and I think the idiot dog and pony show is moreso for the parents, but informing kids of the nature of their decisions and that they don't have to have sex is also a good course for many parents and kids.

Of course most of them will have sex before marriage. However, if most of them wait until they are a bit older <and wiser, and better birth controlled, and less likely to get STDs> then the whole point of this exercise is successful.

[Snero]

the problem isn't that abstinence is bad, it's when you only teach that. Telling kids to wait is a great idea, telling them they should never feel pressured into it if they aren't ready is great. But kids should learn what to do if they do decide to make that step and thats where the problem is.

teaching abstinence = good
only teaching abstinence = bad

[Lyion]

I agree. If I had a teenage daughter I'd tell her and hope she'd wait for the right guy....

but I'd also ensure she'd be on Birth Control from 14 on, just in case. Of course, I would kill any man who dated her, so it'd be a nonissue, and thankfully I have no daughters.

It all comes down to parenting. I'd hope someone who'd take the time to do this type of silly show with their kids would also be wise enough to explain things to them.

[kinghooter00]

thats just stoopid....

[Jay]

The secret to having your daughter not have sex at the wrong time is when she's born name her Bertha. She'll be guaranteed to be huge so all you have to do is remind her that everything is cool, daddy loves you and stay away from black dudes.

[Haylo]

You always have to add one stupid line in Jay... Anyway, on the topic, I have a cousin who was raised to be "pure". Whenever we would get together her mother would go on and on about how she wasn't letting her daughter be exposed to any of the stuff the rest of us were exposed to (like pg-13 movies), and how her daughter was going to be a virgin till she got married etc, i'm sure you can follow the thought here. Anyway, fast forward to high school, and me coming in as a freshman and finding out that my "pure" cousin was the slut of the school. She had gotten a boyfriend that her mother didn't know about and he "introduced" her to all the finer points of sex education.

So yep, teaching kids that it's better to wait until it's going to really mean something is great, denying your kid the knowledge of what is really going on out there in the world is just silly.

[Markarado]

I think the this entire idea is awesome, but I also agree that kid's need to be educated on the topic. I'm very happy that my pastor doesn't act like sex doesn't exist.

[Burgy99]

Promoting abstinence IS awesome, but people need to be realistic that the vast majority of people ARE going to have sex well before marriage so they should promote "safe sex", just as much as "no sex".

[Markarado]

Agree'd.

[Azlana]

What a bunch of sexist bullshit.

[Markarado]

Sexist? Nah...

[Burgy99]

What a bunch of sexist bullshit.

Regardless of whatever a male was tought or how many "purity balls" they attended, I'm sure they couldn't say no to you Azlana =p