Hello!

Jay · Post by **Jay** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:37 pm

..she found NT!

Darcler · Post by **Darcler** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:49 pm

There is nothing you can do. Seriously.
The only thing you can even try to do would be to tell her what you told us. That you wont be in her life if he is. I doubt she'll make the choice, other than maybe hide from you that he came over or called.

Eziekial · Post by **Eziekial** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:10 pm

Stop trying to "fix" her and just keep being her friend.

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 10:19 pm

Why is this in the Tossica forum?

The Kizzy · Post by **The Kizzy** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 10:21 pm

Jay, you may not know the whole gravity of the situation, all you can do is sit with her and explain to her the way you see things, and try to understand her way. Be her friend, but she needs to make her own decisions.

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 10:28 pm

Sorry Jay, but like Darcler said, there is nothing you can do.

It doesn't sound like this guy is a threat anymore, but if you think she needs to get away from him then you need to sit down with her and talk to her about it, and if she wants to, the only real way she is going to be able to change is she needs to see a therapist regularly to help her through it, and even then its going to take some time.

Post by **Tossica** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 11:03 pm

It truly is up to her. Whether the guy is still a threat or not is really not important. What's important is that he did horrible things to her that she has not confronted and he has gone unpunished for it. Maintaining a relationship with the guy is giving them both a false sense of security. They BOTH need to come to grips with what has happened. If he truly understood what he did to her, he would not be trying to maintain a relationship with her. I think she needs to hate him for a while and then forgive him and move on. I don't think the healing process can start with him still hanging around trying to make things better.

Making her choose between being your friend and maintaining a relationship with this man is NOT the right answer though. Punching him in the nose isn't going to solve anything either. She needs to realize what a negative effect he is having on her life regardless of how nice he tries to be to make up for his past. I don't know if there is a way for you to convince her of that though. I think if the guy was to go through the legal system and be punished for what he did, she might start to see him as the criminal that he is and be able to start the healing process.

Harrison · Post by **Harrison** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 11:20 pm

If you honestly wanted to break his nose you would have already.

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 11:44 pm

Bottom line: She needs a therapist.

Yamori · Post by **Yamori** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:02 am

Granted I'm a hermit and emotionally retarded, but in my imaginary scenario I think the best thing you could do is sit down all serious like with her, put your hand on her shoulder and say:

I'll only say this once - I won't bring it up again or try to make you do anything... But I want you to know I REALLY think you should cut all ties with this creature after what he did to you. I'm very concerned about your welfare and what this could be doing to you.

......

That or try swearing and temper tantrums. Hold your breath until she agrees to ditch him. Regression is a great strategy. :D

Naethyn · Post by **Naethyn** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 8:15 am

Stay the fuck away from crazy ass bitches.

10sun · Post by **10sun** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 8:18 am

stick it in her butt.

Post by **Tossica** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 8:29 am

Naethyn wrote:Stay the fuck away from crazy ass bitches.

You'd be a lonely guy. All bitches is crazy.

kinghooter00 · Post by **kinghooter00** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 9:21 am

Hey, your a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good i'm on top of it...

Spazz · Post by **Spazz** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 9:48 am

Ignore her go to the guy and tell him hes the biggest turd. Inform him that if he doesnt go away forever you are going to fuck him up. If he doesnt go away fuck his ass up. Youve prolly got a clean record and even with a bad assault charge youd prolly get no jail time and life would go on as normal for you.

10sun · Post by **10sun** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 9:52 am

Spazz wrote:Ignore her go to the guy and tell him hes the biggest turd. Inform him that if he doesnt go away forever you are going to fuck him up. If he doesnt go away fuck his ass up. Youve prolly got a clean record and even with a bad assault charge youd prolly get no jail time and life would go on as normal for you.

Uh, don't you know Jay is a member of the San Fran Triad? His rap sheet is longer than his abnormally large Asian penis.

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:57 am

Plus Jay would get his ass kicked.

Insanityfair · Post by **Insanityfair** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:01 am

Aside from telling her how you feel there really is nothing that you can do. You do anything to that guy, no matter how awful he was, I almost guarantee you she will turn on you. It will be you that she's angry at, not him. She's in some messed up way "forgiven" what he's done or thinks he's "better" now.

What could really have happened with his I'm so sorry routine he did with her, wasn't that he got better, she just grew up and he moved on to a younger target. The friends were all victims of this too...they all grew up. They are no longer in that age range roughly that he found appealing. So really while he might not be a threat to her, he may very well be to someone else's child. Beating his ass unfortunately still won't solve anything. Don't know what to tell you. :-x

Post by **Lueyen** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:45 am

How evil are you willing to get Jay?

Jay · Post by **Jay** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:49 am

Meeting up with her, my gf and her new dude tonight. I plan on having a talk with her afterwards so I'll keep yall posted.

Ginzburgh · Post by **Ginzburgh** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:52 am

Rofl. Soap operas.

Why some of you people voluntarily engage yourselves in this type of drama, I will never know.

Post by **Martrae** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:10 pm

It has something to do with connecting with people and having emotions.

Dylan · Post by **Dylan** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:16 pm

Why he thinks he can do anything about it is beyond me.

Ginzburgh · Post by **Ginzburgh** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:25 pm

Right.

Here is how it would go if I had a friend in a similar predicament:

Friend, "This guy raped me and I am still friends with him"
Ginz, "Hmm...Maybe that isn't a good idea. You probably shouldn't talk to him anymore"
Friend, "I've got it under control"
Ginz, "okey dokey...anyway <insert a different conversation here>"

Then it would never be spoken of again. I certainly wouldn't come on an internet message board looking for ideas to launch an elaborate scheme to remove the guy from her life. That is what can be commonly referred to as, "looking for trouble". Or "meddling" in the Scooby Doo tongue.

Leave it alone.

Or how about maybe the guy was young and stupid, had a weak moment, took advantage of a young girl in a way he shouldn't have and now it haunts him every day...which is why he has been trying to make ammends all these years. :dunno:

Either way, Jay shouldn't be involved unless she asks him to be, which it seems like she doesn't.

Post by **Tossica** » Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:35 pm

He molested her and her friends over a period of 6 years. If she is too fucked up to see the situation for what it is, I don't blame Jay for trying to step in and open her eyes.