my son broke his wrist

[araby]

and my heart is broken. he's starting a new school, has been practicing for two weeks for football, and there are two weeks left in the summer...and he broke his wrist. (his words)

The thing is that I don't see him as a football player but that is because I know him well. He allows himself to still feel love from me (he's not too cool for me yet) and at eleven, he is still wanting to play like a kid. He isn't really interested in sports as much as his father is. The truth is that his dad will tell you that he doesn't push him, and I know he doesn't, but beyond that there is a certain unspoken need to do this whether or not he directly pushes him. My son knows his dad is a huge sports fan, he knows it'd make him happy to see his son do well in sports. Therefore he feels the need to do it, in spite of how he really feels.

Basically it sucks for him. He said he didn't like baseball because he wasn't very good at it. (this makes me nuts but all I can do is tell him to do what makes him happy no matter what and he'll be great at it.) I am sure his father says the same thing, but still there is a pressure there. I am not sure what kind of pressure he might get from me, whether it's that he needs to be reading all of the time or eating well or just controlling his emotions (which he's pretty good at) but what he doesn't do-is express them AT ALL. He just doesn't talk about it, and if I were giving him pressure he'd never tell me.

He's not in fear of me. I know I didn't tell my parents how I felt because I knew I was unhappy with them almost all the time, but I was afraid of my parents. If I were mad at one of them I couldn't tell them. He's not scared of me but I think his father does intimidate him. I don't think he'd even tell me if he were mad at me.

He's not expressing his emotions, he feels the need to make his father proud but he's not really into what he's doing so ultimately he suffers, because he thinks he broke his wrist because he's no good...he said that he wasn't going to start anyway, and the coach told him that.

I think of the song by the Decemberists and just cry when I know he's in pain and thinking life sucks right now. Being a parent is hard sometimes, especially a sappy mom.


"The Sporting Life"

I fell on the playing field
The work of an errant heel
The din of the crowd and the loud commotion
Went deafening silence and stopped emotion
The season was almost done
We managed it 12 to 1
So far I had known no humiliation
In front of my friends and close relations

There's my father looking on
And there's my girlfriend arm in arm
With the captain of the other team
And all of this is clear to me
They condescend and fix on me a frown
How they love the sporting life

And father had had such hopes
For a son who would take the ropes
And fulfill all his old athletic aspirations
But apparently now there's some complications
But while I am lying here
Trying to fight the tears
I'll prove to the crowd that I come out stronger
Though I think I might lie here a little longer

There's my coach he's looking down
The disappointment in his knitted brow
I should've known
He thinks again
I never should have put him in
He turns and loads the lemonade away
And breathes in deep
The sporting life
The sporting life
The sporting life
How he loves...

There's my father looking on
And there's my girlfriend arm in arm
With the captain of the other team
And all of this is clear to me
They condescend and fix on me a frown
How they love the sporting life

[Lyion]

The only silver lining is a broken wrist from football in a new school is a great conversation piece, and a badge of honor in many states.

As far as being into things, most 11 year olds do what they do to emulate and impress. He's still a long way away from being a man, and organized sports will only help him in the long run, even if they are tough <as they should be> for him.