So I've never been to a funeral.

[Harrison]

I'm not looking forward to my grandfather's funeral on monday. He died yesterday morning at 6:40am.

Oddly enough it has barely affected me. No one's ever died close to me other than acquaintances.

I think I shed a few tears and got teary eyed a few times but I almost feel bad and/or guilty for not being worse off.

[Martrae]

It'll hit you when you see him in the casket. Sorry about your grandpa.

[Minrott]

My grandmother passed a couple weeks ago. I really didn't get very emotional, to me, she seemed to have died years ago. She wasted away in a nursing home after losing all her faculties. To be honest, I was more relieved that she was finally able to move on.

[Drem]

Sorry to hear that man

[leah]

aww, sorry to hear that :\

i'm glad for you that you're 23? 24? and just now going to your first funeral, though.

my advice: don't feel bad about your feelings. everyone deals with death in different ways, and everyone has their own emotions, y'know? and like martrae said, i'd be willing to bet that it'll hit home when you're at the funeral, but even if you don't cry your eyes out, don't feel bad--you don't have to cry or carry on outwardly to have deep feelings inwardly.

[Harrison]

It's really amazing what a family will fight about when someone dies...

[Martrae]

Oh god....it's one of THOSE types of funerals.

[Griever]

Its a blessing that this is your first funeral. My grandmother died this past Monday and I'll be attending her funeral on Thursday. That will be my 6th family funeral in the almost 24 years I've lived. I no longer have any living grandparents nor a mother. I envy you.

[Tossica]

My first funeral was my best friend Aaron at age 26. I've been to many since then.

Sorry for your loss.

[Arlos]

My first was my grandfather's funeral when I was 9. My 2nd was my other Grandfather when I was 14. Sorry for your loss.

-Arlos

[Ndaara]

My first funeral must have been my great-gramma when I was about 5. I've been to plenty, but I guess that follows with having a big family. Most recent was totally cool great uncle Gene, last weekend. I agree with Leah, everyone processes in their own way. I react to every loss differently. Take kleenex to the funeral, in case, but you may not need it. I'm sorry for your loss, too.

[KaiineTN]

Sorry to hear about your Gramps.

I didn't get emotional at all at my Dad's funeral service until his coworkers started talking about how he would always talk proudly about his kids. To this day I still don't feel like I've accepted his death. It's true that people deal with it very differently, because for me, I just try to think of it as not seeing him in a while. A while has become over 6 years, but as long as I can bring back vivid memories of him, I don't think the time will matter much. If anyone were to ever ask me for advice on handling loss, I'd probably say something like "remember them living, not them dying." That's what works for me.

I've only been to one or two open casket funerals though, and don't remember much of anything about them or even who they were for. I must have been pretty young.

[Maeya]

Sorry for your loss

[araby]

Funerals have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I was three my PaPa died. Six, my Big Daddy. Ten, Big Mama. My Granny had eleven brothers and sisters, buried most of them through my teens. When I was 18 a coworker died of electrocution while working in the Coast Guard. When I was 21, my favorite cousin was killed in a single car accident. She was four months pregnant. When I was 22, my baby niece died of SIDS. My Granny died a young death at age 62 when I was 23. I held her hand and sang "Beulah Land" as she took her last breath. At 25, the love of my life died. He was buried alive while working on a ditch for Sumter County. My Granddaddy died two years ago. Recently, two boys have been killed that I babysat when I was 16. They grew up next door-they were brothers and died two years apart. One was a drunk driving incident, the other was stealing copper and was electrocuted.

None of them were easy but for some reason I've had a healthy bereavement period for all of them. Perhaps it was because I grew up accepting death as a part of life.

I can't imagine what it's like to have never been to a funeral at your age. I'm thinking about you and your family.

And Griever, too. You guys are in my thoughts.

[brinstar]

i know what you mean josh, when my grandma passed i felt worse about not feeling worse

that doesn't make much sense to read but i think you know what i mean

[Griever]

Thanks Araby. I thought I experienced a lot of deaths in my life, but thats nothing compared to you. I'm sorry for all of your losses.

[ClakarEQ]

Sorry for your loss, these things are never good, and I am in the same boat as you, not having anyone I'm close to die makes funerals very uncomfortable. Personally I don't get the purpose of a funeral (I understand the closer issue but I think it is BS). The ones I've been to I tend to remember things of the funeral in place of some of the good memories, so later in life, I look back in my mind, recall something pleasent of that person, but then the image of a casket and such tarnishs that memory :\. Throw me in a bag, then in the ground, have a party with pictures and videos of me, but my corpse should be the last thing on everyones mind.

Eitherway, best of thoughts to you, stay strong.

[Harrison]

It was actually pretty nice. I enjoyed it.

I nearly lost it when my grandmother kissed his forehead at the end though. That was a bit too much for me. The funeral is friday.

It was nice to see the whole family together. Only the women were crying which isn't what I expected. There was a lot more laughing and talking of old times than anything which made me feel a lot better.

[Trielelvan]

Sorry to hear this Harri. I hope his passing was swift and quiet. My condolences to you and your family.
Same to Minrott and Griever.

I know what you mean about the emotion thing.
When my great-grandmother passed, I was so happy, only a little sad, and felt so guilty about it at the time.
The thing was though, her last 5 years were spent laying on a bed hooked up to an oxygen machine, barely able to breath, drugged daily for cancer, heart disease, and emphysema, and she couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. It took 23 heart attacks (23 was the final blow) and a stroke to finally take her (over the course of about 12 years.. we were sure at one point she would outlive my grandchildren). Death was freedom from all that hell, and I was so grateful for it.
I didn't grieve or cry at all for her until about 3 years later. The ex and I were getting ready to take a trip back up to Dallas and I mentioned in passing that I could go see her grave... except there is no grave. She was cremated and her ashes were spread to the winds alongside the 84 (age of her death) balloons my grandma released. The "ceremony" was solo by my grandma - I wasn't there. Realizing that, it finally hit me that I had no way to visually/physically say goodbye to the woman that taught me how to make pie crusts, rock cookies, and dinner rolls from scratch. Then I lost it and really, truly grieved.

[Tuggan]

It was actually pretty nice. I enjoyed it.

I nearly lost it when my grandmother kissed his forehead at the end though. That was a bit too much for me. The funeral is friday.

It was nice to see the whole family together. Only the women were crying which isn't what I expected. There was a lot more laughing and talking of old times than anything which made me feel a lot better.

are yall irish? the wake, or after get together can be some of the best times you can have with family. lots of drunken stories to be told.

[Drem]

when i worked at a bar a group of people came in after their wake for two regulars' (they were brothers) father that shot himself. it was one of the weirdest nights of work i've ever been through. you can't really tell the guys to fuck off when they're hawking your bartender in a situation like that and it was like.... @@

glad to hear it wasn't too mournful, josh

[araby]

Harrison, I'm glad the family is taking the time to talk and spend time together.

I've seen some behavior that was a little rough. I know what you mean about seeing others cry...when my DAD cried at my Grandaddy's funeral, I hadn't cried yet, but I lost it at that point. It's something how laughter and tears are contagious (depending on the situation).

At one funeral, the little sister of my coworker who died, flung herself on top of his casket during the graveside ceremony. I didn't really like that. Kinda made things really hard to watch and walk away from. You just wonder if those folks are gonna be alright. She was hyperventilating and had to be taken out during the church service. And then you have his fiance/parents sitting in the front row composing themselves as best they could.

At my friend's funeral who was buried alive, one of his ex-girlfriends went screaming/crying down the aisle during the open casket. I wanted to grab her by the arm and shake the shit out of her. His parents/wife/brother/sister were standing in front of his casket receiving visitors...and she behaved that way. But, people are gonna deal different ways. Who am I to say she shouldn't act that way, ya know? (besides his other ex gf whom he loved more hahaha) that was mean.

[Martrae]

Generally....and I'm not saying everyone is the same...but generally, the ones screaming the loudest are feeling the most guilt, either over the death itself or past behavior to the deceased.

[Gypsiyee]

it's generally either that or plain old classic attention whoring. when my best friend died at 15, all sorts of people who barely knew her or even flat out hated her came out of the wood work to ask grampa if they could read or talk at her funeral. it was more of a school play than a funeral, i was livid. people seemingly just stood up only to break down and be comforted. i was best friends with her from age 2 and i missed no school, but there were people who were hardly acquainted with her who decided to miss 2 and 3 weeks of school and acted a wreck for sympathy. on days i just couldn't take it and had to go home i'd see them at various places, simply skipping class with their boyfriends from other schools or something similar and acting fine. man it pissed me off - there's nothing more infuriating than someone using the death of someone you loved with all your heart as an excuse for their own selfish means.

i'm glad your first experience wasn't too terrible harrison. death is always hard to deal with, and i'm glad that you've made it so far in your life without having to see too much of it. it's always hard to see a grandparent die, especially when you're very close with them.. when a gramma or grampa passes, you at least know they lived a full life, and it's better to think of that than the loss. you've been able to experience the best way to grieve, and i'm glad for you that you were able to reminisce rather than deal with people who seem to seize the opportunity to use it as a 'what about me.' it sounds like you have a great family, and how wonderful that your grandparents have been together all this time. it's such a rarity these days.

[Martrae]

Ahh, Gyps, that's typical teenage stuff but it probably meant a lot to her family to have all those kids say they were devastated. There's comfort in knowing others feel bad, also.

I was talking mostly about those families you see on the news where the parent was neglectful and the child died. You'll see the neglectful ones screaming to the heavens about 'WHY?!' It's guilt making them cause such a scene...they can't handle the guilt and the loss at the same time since they are both overwhelming emotions in their own right.

You can see the same thing on a smaller level at family funerals. The sister who had a big fight with her brother and said hateful things only to have him die before they made up, the ex-girlfriend who cheated and was always a little sorry, the parent who has such a vast many things they can feel guilty about.....those are usually the people causing the biggest ruckas.

I remember when my cousin Peter died from leukemia when he was 12. My aunt Lois was more devastated than Peter's mother because Lois' son Jeffrey had died from a neglected fever when he was 4 and the funeral brought that all crashing back down on her. Well, it wasn't neglected but they waited too long to get him to the hospital. Anyway, she caused a huge fuss at Peter's funeral because she was still feeling incredibly guilty about Jeffrey, even though Jeffrey died about 10 years before that.