so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

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so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

Postby brinstar » Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:46 pm

cockface wrote:Come celebrate Douchebag's birthday, support Burma, and miss the opening ceremony of the Olympics - Friday 08.08.08 at 8pm at the Whatever Place, Xth & X in Lincoln's Haymarket. DJs DJ1 and DJ2 will be spinnin' and scratchin' after 9pm until 1am. All are welcome!


Background:
The stars have aligned folks, and we’re three weeks away from 08.08.08. For those of you that don’t know, that is my 30th birthday – yes, that very day! – and will be the first one of those days that I’ve celebrated in awhile. It would be pretty vain to throw myself a birthday party so I got around that by holding a fundraiser for Burma, otherwise known as Myanmar. The country’s tragic history has attracted my attention over the last few years and I’ve been waiting to do something to help victims of the cyclones that devastated Burma back in May. August 8th is also a day of infamy in Burma because this year will mark the 20th anniversary of the brutal crackdown on pro-democracy demonstrators that eventually led to the house arrest of Nobel prize winner and Burma’s democratically elected leader Aung San Suu Kyi. These days, Burma’s military junta is propped up by arms and money from China, who has vetoed every UN Security Council vote that has come up in dealing sanctions to the Southeastern Asian nation.
With all that being said, 08.08.08 will be all about having a good time.
Please join in on the festivities on 08.08.08 at 8pm at the Whatever Place on Xth & X, in Lincoln’s Haymarket . Two of Lincoln’s best DJs – DJ1 and DJ2 will be providin’ the beats, music to kick off at 9:00 or 9:30.

Bring your significant others, friends, co-workers and mortal enemies – and make peace on the dance floor! (The Whatever Place is a 19 and over venue.)

There will be a $5 charge at the door for Burma and venue expenses. No one will be denied entry.

Bring your dollar bills y’all, not for the strippers, but for spankings. Drop a bill in the Burma bucket and give me a birthday beating!

The word on the street is that my boss, the NFP state coordinator will make an appearance in drag. Anyone who attended the War is a Drag fundraiser knows this is a sight not to be missed!

Hope to see you out on the 8th for drinking, dancing, and catching up!

Peace,
Douchebag


names changed to protect identities

sounds like a thoughtful guy right? wrong. this is the same guy who:

  • moved in with my friend Josh for 4 months and failed to pay even a penny of the prearranged rent or bills (totaling over $700)
  • gave away all of his stuff before moving to prague for 2 years, and then upon returning, asked for it all back
  • offered up his basement as a free rehearsal space for my band when we didn't have one, then asked for $50 per rehearsal
  • gets 90% of his far-left political views from the above-mentioned Josh (and System of a Down songs)
  • admittedly only applied for his current job to "bang left-wing pussy"
  • hitched a ride to minneapolis in my SUV yet bragged the whole way about how he doesn't believe in having a car and ridiculed those that do about not caring for the planet
  • believes that ALL illegal drugs (including meth and heroin) should be immediately fully legal-- and tried calling me (a drug rehab professional) a moron for laughing my disagreement
  • cranked up the Drama Knob to 11 when another friend of ours boned his EX-girlfriend, even though he admittedly only started dating her "to tap that yellow ass"
  • is only happy when doing things he wants to do-- gets grumpy if we decide as a group to change venues
  • is nicknamed "the dreadful dude" (behind his back) because he never wants to do what anyone else wants

there's more, but that should be enough.

now, do i show up, walk in, drop a $20 bill in the Burma Bucket and suckerpunch his bitch ass? or just not go?

edit: added emphasis in the original email so my very last comment makes more immediate sense
Last edited by brinstar on Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

Postby Harrison » Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:54 pm

...as much as I detest physically owning someone, this sounds justified.

Fucking do it man. You can look back and say, "He suffered more to his ego from it than the punch ever did."
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Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

Postby Tossica » Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:20 pm

I'd go and look for some yellow ass to tap.
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Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

Postby 10sun » Sat Jul 19, 2008 12:11 am

Do it while dressed up like Andy Dick.

Video it.

Post it on YouTube.

Or just not go.

Check the weather the day of and make up your mind then. Enjoy yourself.
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Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

Postby Drem » Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:09 am

10sun wrote:Check the weather the day of and...enjoy yourself.
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Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

Postby araby » Sat Jul 19, 2008 7:23 am

well, yah he sounds like a douchebag. I wouldn't be friends with him if he acted like an ass to me. but he did say bring your mortal enemies and make peace on the dance floor.
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Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

Postby Kramer » Sat Jul 19, 2008 7:36 am

he sounds like a caricature rather than a real human.....

i would simply walk away from any involvement with that human from now on.
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby Tikker » Sat Jul 19, 2008 11:33 am

    have sex with his mom
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby Gypsiyee » Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:37 pm

    if he's that big of a douche, how can you even be sure the money is actually going to burma rather than to his pocket~
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby leah » Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:09 pm

    is this the guy who smells real bad because he doesn't believe in deodorant?

    punch him in the nards, imo. that guy is terrible.
    lolz
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby Drem » Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:49 pm

    doesn't believe in it? jesus christ
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby leah » Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:09 pm

    haha nah i think he wears some sort of organic stuff that just doesn't work very well. he generally smells like ass.
    lolz
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby Harrison » Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:30 pm

    so he's a hippie too?
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby Evermore » Mon Jul 21, 2008 7:22 am

    put $20 in the bucket. Punch him in the fucking face. Wait 20 min punch him in the face again and take back the $20. then piss in the money bucket
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby brinstar » Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:41 pm

    Evermore wrote:put $20 in the bucket. Punch him in the fucking face. Wait 20 min punch him in the face again and take back the $20. then piss in the money bucket



    hahahahahaha
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby Hylissa » Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:43 pm

    Evermore wrote:put $20 in the bucket. Punch him in the fucking face. Wait 20 min punch him in the face again and take back the $20. then piss in the money bucket


    lol... what he said!
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    Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

    Postby Kramer » Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:28 am

    I Think we have a winner!
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      Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

      Postby brinstar » Sun Aug 10, 2008 3:27 am

      well i ended up not going lol

      i figured that with most of my friends at a place i didn't want to be, i would just spend a quiet night at home-- but my homey (and ex-bandmate) jeff called me up and said our friend brooke was visiting from out of town. the three of us went to a bar and had many awesome conversations over many drinks. after closing the place down, we walked to my apt (i live 6 blocks from downtown) for more drinks, more conversations, a pillow fight, and near-constant laughing. at about 4am we decided to call it a night, so i walked with them back to jeff's car-- and on the way there we ran through the sprinklers on the lawn of the capitol building. when i finally got back home i was exhausted, stumbling drunk, soaking wet, and literally sore from laughing all night.

      sure beats standing around fighting the urge to assault someone :D
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      Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

      Postby Evermore » Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:28 am

      but you didnt get to piss in the bucket!
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      Re: so this douchebag is throwing himself a birthday party

      Postby Kramer » Tue Aug 12, 2008 6:31 am

      /good call
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