Pardon me, but I must beckon your attention for no more than several seconds. You as the good denizens of my realm, the Nameless Tavern forums, must advise me with an important life decision that I am making presently.
As most of you know, in my corporeal manifestation of this physical existence, I'm the golden God child of the dark skinned lizard king known as Cthulhu. Yet with my handsome good looks and feminine grace I find myself still requiring habiliment to disguise myself from the lesser of my peers. So I come to you now, my benefactors, looking for assistance in locating a particular attire worthy of a being such as I. The specifics of this regalia are not diagrammatic in nature. I simply require a jacket/sweatshirt which will have those who gaze upon me green with envy for my well tuned sense of fashion, matched perhaps only by the sophisticated selection of David Bowie himself. To once behold my jacket, I necessitate that the attractive women of the Earth desire to gather around me for a group hug, and potentially group copulation.
This jacket/sweatshirt must be goodly for daily wear as a being as dignified as myself infrequently has the time to keep up appearances beyond the immediate as I traverse from one haven of wenches to another. I do not require that this jacket/sweatshirt be cunningly constructed by a dignified chain of retailers, simply that it wears well. However, the gorgeous nature of this raiment must be respectable enough to conceal the otherwise overpowering experience which I expose upon all those who view me, visible and inherent in my natural dark brooding expression.
To those of you who choose to assist me on this quest, great rewards await you. The purse for he who selects me the jacket/sweatshirt I do purchase shall be granted the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to view none other than Jeddas, greatest poster in the galaxy, wear the attire in question in a digital photograph.
Runners up are not so lucky, as most of them will be sacrificed under the harvest moon as merit to the significance of this competition. But despite the dangers involved, I'm sure we can all agree -- the reward is worth the risk. Thank you for participating in my contest, you may now resume your boring and uneventful lives.
Love,
Jeddas, greatest poster in the galaxy.