"W"orst resume ever

[Gypsiyee]

Not really a current event, but got this today and it's one of those "wow that's funny because it's true!" things.

Subject: I NEED A JOB

I will be available in January 2009, am willing to relocate.
RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol.

I plead guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for
30 days.

My Texas driving record has been 'lost' and is not available.

Military:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.

I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug
use.

By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in
Vietnam .

College:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas , in 1975 .

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas .

The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land
using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron
CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas ..

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas
the most polluted state in the Union ..

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in
America .

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States ,
after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion
dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S.
stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that
trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history.

My 'poorest millionaire,' Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker
named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record -holder for receiving the most

corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth
Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history,
Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or
prosecution.

More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky
affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate
rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
Government contracts..

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any
President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy
in the history of the United States Government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the
U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. 'prisoners of war' detainees and
thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors
(during the 2002 US election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since
=0 A the advent of television.

I set the all-t ime record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.

After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade

Center attacks, and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for
protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive
attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.

I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. Citizens
and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty
benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq20
and then blam ed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view
my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear 'Tactical Bunker Buster,' a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to
justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
Library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President attended,
regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.

I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.

[Kramer]

i got half way through... and it was so long... and i got tired... and then i stopped.

[Diekan]

Bush will rank with the likes of Carter in the "worst of the worst" in terms of president. The only difference is that the Carter at least became a solid humanitarian after his term in office. Bush? LOL. He'll move back to Texas and never be heard from again.

[Kramer]

i don't know... he's a retarded prima donna, i wonder if he will take any chance to open that hole and spew his ignorant verbal diarrhea

[Arlos]

I don't think Carter is a worst of the worst. He wasn't great, no, but he's certainly nowhere near Bush's class, nor in the class of historic worsts like Coolidge, Harding, Buchanan, etc. Indeed, given that Buchanan presided over the fragmentation of the country into US and Confederacy, and did nothing about it means he's kind of got a permanent lock on "worst ever", though Bush is charging hard for the position.

You're absolutely right about Carter after his presidency tho. Amazing humanitarian work.

-Arlos

[Drem]

if everything in that list is completely true then ......... wow

[Evermore]

that list is spot on. I dont think there has been a president in our history thats been worse then bush.

[ClakarEQ]

I was saying that 6 years ago

[Nusk]

Bush ranks alongside U.S. Grant as far as corrupt cronies running the country with the presidents blessing

at least Grant might get a pass for being drunk all the time

[Arlos]

And Grant had that whole "Hey, I won the Civil War" thing going for him too, unlike Mr. "I never showed up for my Air National Guard gig, but managed to use it to avoid going to Nam..."

-Arlos

[Kramer]

yet he was pres twice.....

i guess somtimes people need a hillbilly in the office to feel like they have someone as stupid as they are running the country.

[Evermore]

yet he was pres twice.....

i guess somtimes people need a hillbilly in the office to feel like they have someone as stupid as they are running the country.

he was pres twice cause america is full of sheep and our system is easily manipulated.

[Kramer]

precisely my point....


BAAAA BAAAAA


even when there was ample evidence the process was corrupt, people were STILL happy to have him in office!!!!

[Phlegm]

That resume is going to get him easily a six figure fee for speaking engagements after his term is up.

[Drem]

watching the first season of SNL. the public opinion of gerald ford seems to be less than it is right now of bush. they rip that guy apart

[Evermore]

except ford was a better president

[Kramer]

difference in making fun of someone and them being "as dumb as a box of hair" (copyright diekan).... Every pres gets mocked, not all will have a legacy of being a complete fool.