friend dispute, offer input pls

[brinstar]

monday evening, my friend John sends out an email to myself and leah as well as a dozen other pals asking if anyone is planning a gathering for ID4. a couple people respond with "i dunno" but no one makes any offers

tuesday morning, i send a reply-all message stating that a) my softball team is putting together a BBQ get-together and that b) even aside from the three folks in the discussion who are actually ON the team (myself, William, and Keith), there is a lot of potential for good vibes between both groups and the possibility for new friendships to take root. since the details weren't official yet i said stay tuned. later on in the day, details become final, so...

this morning, i send another reply-all email to John's original message to invite everyone to the bash-- Sunday the 4th, 6pm, my GF's house

this afternoon, John creates a facebook event and invites everyone from his original email. You guessed it-- Sunday the 4th, 7:30pm, his house



leah suggests that perhaps he missed my email, but i don't buy it-- the text of John's event says "I know there are other events happening that evening so don't feel bad if you have to decline." maybe i'm reading that wrong, but here's what it says to me:

• he got my invitation
• he decided he doesn't want to go (he is somewhat known for being a homebody)
• but he didn't want to give up hanging out with his/our friends...
• so he undermines my invitation with one of his own, seemingly not giving a shit that
• it really pisses me off or that
• everyone else involved now faces a dilemma: assuming they didn't already have plans, they now have a choice to make

am i crazy or is this a total dick move on his part???

[leah]

as someone who knows most of the people involved in this, i say it's probably a combination of several things. yes, it is kind of a dick move, BUT i can also see where he's coming from. given what you already said about him being kind of a homebody, it makes sense that rather than put himself out of his comfort zone with people he doesn't know, he'd just offer an alternative in which he gets to stay home but whoever wants to chill can come over, too. obviously that's not the coolest thing in the world to do given that the other event is hosted by one of his bros, but maybe it's just about his own personal comfort level. to be honest, i'm having a hard time committing to your softball gathering myself because i do not do well with groups of new people, no matter how cool they are--it takes a little bit to get me out of my shell--and josh is even worse about such things, so it's going to be hard for us to make a decision between the zoo bar-becue and hanging out with brandon/lindsey or trent/jess. or just staying home to keep the dogs mellow in the midst of all the firecracker noise.

anyway, in order to keep your sanity intact, i would just look at this as a "john" thing and not a personal attack on yourself. he probably thought "oh, al has his softball friends to hang out with, he won't mind if i just have a quiet little shindig at my place so i don't have to get in an awkward social situation." YMMV, though, i guess. it's just hard to successfully blend groups of friends, imo, so it's easier to say "welp, you have your thing so i'll just do this, it's easier that way."

[10sun]

TP his house.

[Zanchief]

Well if you knew he was a homebody you must have known his original feeler email was probably sent because he wanted to host the get-together. Seems like you were the one who originally undermined his plans, at least in his eyes.

In conclusion: Your friends seem to act like 16 year old girls.

[leah]

Well if you knew he was a homebody you must have known his original feeler email was probably sent because he wanted to host the get-together. Seems like you were the one who originally undermined his plans, at least in his eyes.

In conclusion: Your friends seem to act like 16 year old girls.

also a good point

[brinstar]

Okay, but in that case the feeler email should have been an invitation if that's what he was planning anyway

[Drem]

i dunno my friends aren't socially inept like that, so.... i suppose i'd ignore it all together and find something better to do. like hosting a different party. that guy seems bitchly

[brinstar]

yeah that's the plan

i just wanted independent verification of whether the move was dickly

[leah]

i talked to mom about it at breakfast today and she agreed that pat was just being his homebody somewhat cloistered self. i really wouldn't take it personally. just enjoy your zoo bar-becue.

[brinstar]

funny thing is i don't think anyone's going. oliver and elizabeth have committed to our thing, william will be doing stuff with his huge family, robert and elaine will be out of town, and john doesn't like keith and nell enough to invite them. that just leaves john and his wife to party with her brothers, lol


(btw these are all middle names hehe)

[leah]

yeah i just realized i said "pat" in my last post, lol. i have no idea who the fuck any of those other people are, though. and i'm sure JOHN will be perfectly happy if it's just him and the little lady and her bros, really.