Ask me something, foolios.

[Tossica]

I've got vast oceans of knowledge!

[Harrison]

How do you explain to your loved ones that 4 years later you still feel empty inside because of your brother's suicide?

[leah]

have you talked to a professional about this?

[Harrison]

I really can't.

The very idea terrifies me, to be honest.

The best support I get is oddly from my military friends. It helps me to feel like my problem isn't so bad by comparison. We sorta lean on each other, rather than "get help" in the traditional sense.

[10sun]

Go talk to a professional.

[leah]

i really can't recommend it enough, josh. i started seeing someone a few months ago and started taking zoloft not long after, and i can't tell you the night-and-day difference it's made in my day-to-day life... and the coping skills i'm learning from my therapist are making life seem manageable again now that my depression and anxiety are more under control. i know it's scary to think about baring it all to a complete stranger, but honestly sometimes that anonymity is very freeing, as is the knowledge that maybe, just maybe, this complete stranger might know just what to do to make it stop hurting so damn much just to make it through the day. it's one of the hardest things i've ever done but also one of the most worthwhile.

if you want to talk about it further in private, please send me a message on FB and i'd be so happy to listen. your family needs you whole, so even if it's scary to take a step like that, it's far better than trying to put on a brave face for the rest of your life.


please take care of yourself either way. <3

[10sun]

I had an ex-girlfriend kill herself.
She blamed me in the note.
I had to talk to the police because her family wanted them to press charges.
Talk to a professional.

[Drem]

a) whoa and b) whoa (10sun)

seek a professional. anxiety might say no, but you will thank yourself later. if we weren't the country apart i'd offer to take ya out for some drinks or get the kids together and BBQ or some shit. but damn. chin up

just remember your little boy needs you. but i know you already know that that's what it's all about at this point

cheers man

[Jay]

Basically what everyone else said.

I don't know what you're going through but my work in hospice care has me deal with death everyday from a bystander standpoint. If it's taught me anything, from a family member standpoint, it's that there is no way you're "supposed to feel" and that I've seen just about every kind of emotion at all varying degrees as a result of the death of their loved one. However you may feel, confront and don't be ashamed of it if it's not what you expected to feel. Also, just talk about it. The more you repeat yourself to people, the more insight, from you or from others, will reveal things.

[Harrison]

Thank you everyone.

It's a constant struggle. At my best (like now) I still feel like my every feeling is dulled. I can't explain it.

Everything is going well. Halfway done with my degree, found a great paying job to make me through the rest of school, etc.

I just always feel like I'm living in a fog that dulls everything no matter how great it is. My girlfriend doesn't understand no matter how logically I lay it out.

I'm happy inside. I just can't express it. I could be super excited for something, but still look like I'm waiting in line at the DMV.

[Harrison]

It doesn't help, I think; that I'm literally inches from the ashes of my brother daily. I think I need either control, separation, or something.

I just stare at the box for hours knowing everything my brother ever was is condensed in this Fucking box.

[brinstar]

sixthing the "see a pro" recommendation

you get help from military bros and you get maybe a tiny shred of help from opening up here but none of the people you talk to anywhere have any of the actual skills needed to start clearing your fog away

leah got the anxiety and depression gene from our dad, but it skipped over me and instead i got our mom's level temperament and rock-solid emotional stability (NT rants notwithstanding lol) so while i have never felt out of control or lost or dulled, both leah and brinstar sr. have benefited mightily from the skills of professional counseling - and i know that if i ever do need help, there's no shame in seeking it.

shit dude if you fall out of a tree and break your arm, you go to a doctor to get it fixed. same with your brain/mind/soul - just a different kind of doctor

[leah]

and i know that if i ever do need help, there's no shame in seeking it.

i've made it a policy to be really open about my struggles and the work i'm doing with my therapist for precisely this reason—other people need to know that it's OK to talk to someone and there doesn't need to be a stigma around it.

shit dude if you fall out of a tree and break your arm, you go to a doctor to get it fixed. same with your brain/mind/soul - just a different kind of doctor

[Harrison]

That very picture is what I show people with the "just flick the switch" types of responses.