Life updates

[Jay]

Congrats man

That sucks tho, Leah. Mr. Poopy was just a shit stain after all

Life's good here. Gonna save hundreds next year on health insurance. Second child inc at the end of March. Business is busy. Very grateful, can't complain, except about my brother-in-law because he's a fuckin idiot that's ruining our family and my wife's sister's life

Happy Holidays!

Du ma!

[Drem]

Doesn't that mean "fuck you" or something?

[Jay]

Doesn't that mean "fuck you" or something?

It kinda means motherfucker but I was directing it at your situation with your brother in law.

You're married to a Viet woman right?

[Drem]

Oh ya, that makes more sense. And ya, I am. The brother in law is also white tho. Just a huge douche

[Harrison]

Girlfriend cheated on me, I live back home with my parents, about to get laid off, and life is pure and complete shit and has been since October.

Fuck 2016.

[Drem]

bro

i wanted to ask but didn't want to make it worse etc

fuck her

chin up tho man, push thru. you in court yet for custody? how does she cheat on you and get to ruin your christmas? what a cunt

you ever wanna play any games on Steam or XB1 just hit me up...

[Harrison]

Long TL;DR cryfest inc:

End of October, she planned another trip to Disney. (We just went in March for Noah's birthday, again, as usual.)

I opted out this time. I can't fucking keep dumping money into vacations like this, I said. I was in school, making shit for money where I am, and struggling to keep afloat saving money to move us somewhere nice.

She was very, very, very upset by this. She saw it as some personal affront like I don't want to spend time with her. (Keep in mind I'm putting in overtime, working side jobs, and putting money away so I can move her, Noah, and I down to Florida)

Before she left she began talking to a coworker through text, and continued to do so in FL. It got romantic immediately and she decided while down there that she was going to leave me when she got back, but kept speaking to him.

She returns, doesn't leave me immediately, but is still talking to him all the time. (I have logs/timestamps/etc., this isn't conjecture. I was thorough when I found out what was going on.)

She leaves me, fucks him a day later, and that's when I found out all of this. (what was going on under my nose, because I don't snoop/read her phone/etc. and never did until that night)

That night I found out, while she was at work, I went and got Noah ready for bed and told him; "Daddy has to go somewhere for a little while buddy. You're going to go sleep downstairs with Grandpa for tonight." I then brought him downstairs and with as straight of a face as possible, with eyes swollen from crying, said to him; "I have to go. Family emergency and I'll brb." I then grabbed my bag, threw some food/water/clothes in it and left my home.

I didn't know whether I was going to the restaurant to murder the piece of shit vulture, to go hang myself, or to find somewhere I could sleep. (I obviously chose the latter.)

That all said, she's still a fantastic mother, an amazing person, and just made some really shitty choices and I'm the one who has to pay for them.

So...that's where I am right now. I've been having a meltdown or two a day for 2 months straight and pretty much just waiting to die from a meteorite strike because nothing good has happened to me since September.

[brinstar]

goddamn man, just goddamn

i can't really identify with most of that as i don't have a kiddo and such, but i feel so very bad for you

one way i can definitely sympathize though is that my SO too seems to want to have it both ways - i am currently pouring all my extra money into trying to get myself out of debt so we can buy a house together in the somewhat-near future (forgoing things for myself like new clothing or new music in the process - for example it was only thanks to selling off an extra guitar last week that i got my first new pair of shoes in 3+ years), yet i get grief when i suggest we stay home instead of go out, eat beans and rice instead of a big extravagant dinner, or keep the thermostat at 62 in winter. that's the kind of easy shit i'd do when i was single and needed to scrimp ducats, but apparently these are not options anymore. meanwhile, even though she makes less than me, she buys home decor stuff and clothes and shoes and such as that. this is possible because she has no debt whatsoever: she has never had a credit card or a car loan, and her parents paid her tuition. on the one hand i certainly don't resent her for having those advantages in life, and in a certain light i'm glad - it might take a decade to put together enough scratch to buy a house if she were in the same financial situation as me. but on the other hand, sometimes i can't shake the feeling that it's just a little too easy for someone who has never had to fork over 50% of their paycheck to car payment + 2 credit cards to feel underappreciated by someone whose reality has always contained such obligations

i realize none of this stacks up even halfway against "the mother of my child boned someone else and now i'm adrift in the world" and that it could be argued i'm being a dick by complaining about my not-collapsed homelife, but seriously: l'enfer, c'est les autres

at any rate, always a couch ready here in NE dude - hell leah needs a roommate now ;\

[leah]

i mean, not to overstate the obvious, but you turds could move in with me and save HUNDREDS each month...

but yeah, josh, you know you're always welcome to come here. and you know, too, just how much i identify with what you're going through and that i'm always willing to listen and commiserate. we got you, buddy. lean in to your friends' support because it's what will get you through. <3

[Jay]

Long TL;DR cryfest inc:

End of October, she planned another trip to Disney. (We just went in March for Noah's birthday, again, as usual.)

I opted out this time. I can't fucking keep dumping money into vacations like this, I said. I was in school, making shit for money where I am, and struggling to keep afloat saving money to move us somewhere nice.

She was very, very, very upset by this. She saw it as some personal affront like I don't want to spend time with her. (Keep in mind I'm putting in overtime, working side jobs, and putting money away so I can move her, Noah, and I down to Florida)

Before she left she began talking to a coworker through text, and continued to do so in FL. It got romantic immediately and she decided while down there that she was going to leave me when she got back, but kept speaking to him.

She returns, doesn't leave me immediately, but is still talking to him all the time. (I have logs/timestamps/etc., this isn't conjecture. I was thorough when I found out what was going on.)

She leaves me, fucks him a day later, and that's when I found out all of this. (what was going on under my nose, because I don't snoop/read her phone/etc. and never did until that night)

That night I found out, while she was at work, I went and got Noah ready for bed and told him; "Daddy has to go somewhere for a little while buddy. You're going to go sleep downstairs with Grandpa for tonight." I then brought him downstairs and with as straight of a face as possible, with eyes swollen from crying, said to him; "I have to go. Family emergency and I'll brb." I then grabbed my bag, threw some food/water/clothes in it and left my home.

I didn't know whether I was going to the restaurant to murder the piece of shit vulture, to go hang myself, or to find somewhere I could sleep. (I obviously chose the latter.)

That all said, she's still a fantastic mother, an amazing person, and just made some really shitty choices and I'm the one who has to pay for them.

So...that's where I am right now. I've been having a meltdown or two a day for 2 months straight and pretty much just waiting to die from a meteorite strike because nothing good has happened to me since September.

While my wife didn't end up with anyone else, I totally know the feeling of recognizing the mother of your children being this great mom and person all the while she is shoving giant cocks up your ass in life. It's a mindfuck. Part of you should hate this person, and probably does, but they also gave you the greatest thing you've ever done with your life, and so no matter what you will always have that connection.

All that being said, I hope you can get to the root of your issues together and get some closure, whether it means getting back together or moving on. I dunno if the whole hang myself/meteorstrike talk is just the Harrison flare for the dramatic or serious but every time you feel like self destructing please think of your son.

[leah]

think of your son, and then reach out to someone who loves you before you do something that can't be taken back.

[Harrison]

99.999% of the time I'm fine.

I'm just so tired of feeling down for months straight now. I just get tired and weak and think maybe not waking up would be better.

I don't want to hurt myself. I just sometimes think not existing would be preferable.

Does that make sense? I'm not suicidal. I'm just so tired.

[Jay]

99.999% of the time I'm fine.

I'm just so tired of feeling down for months straight now. I just get tired and weak and think maybe not waking up would be better.

I don't want to hurt myself. I just sometimes think not existing would be preferable.

Does that make sense? I'm not suicidal. I'm just so tired.

I get it. It's like..."Can I just not..."

...but it all comes full circle and life will be in the palm of your hands again I promise sir.

[leah]

99.999% of the time I'm fine.

I'm just so tired of feeling down for months straight now. I just get tired and weak and think maybe not waking up would be better.

I don't want to hurt myself. I just sometimes think not existing would be preferable.

Does that make sense? I'm not suicidal. I'm just so tired.

ugh this all resonates for sure. it's hard out there right now.

[ClakarEQ]

Harri, Leah, second go is much better than the first, at least is was for me.

Having moved on years from her years ago, my first marriage ended with finding out she had a year long affair with her boss. Worst part wasn't that tho. The worst part was that the best man in my wedding found this out by happenstance (saw her car at a hotel, checked, found her bosses car there too, called her out on it, she admitted it to my friend). The worst part, she offered sex acts if he would keep quite, not tell me, that went on for another 3 months (some friend, yeah).

It all ended when the boss had a nervous breakdown and I get a call from HIS wife telling me he came clean to her and that my wife and the boss were fucking around for a good year. The boss also new about this sex for silence with my friend. I called him out on it and of all of the shit you could imagine would go on, the one thing that hurt more than anything, my "friend" says, (not sorry, but) "I don't know that I would have changed anything with how this all went down" /boggle. I take great pleasure knowing he is now divorced, paying child support, and seemingly unhappy.

I lost what I felt was my everything, nearly all of my closest friends (this was my clique group from high school so it was a major blow to me), my wife (that was a good thing tho), an ass ton of money as she was in major debt, a ton of self confidence and pride.

That was 20 years ago.

As for today, I'm 47 going on 20, a wife I couldn't ask more of (well maybe sex /woot woot, i'm a bit nympho-ish), 2 great boys 16 and 18. I've been incredibly lucky that I have no formal college education yet hold a position in the company as a global data center manager (one of three for a large global organization). The anxiety and pressure is rough though, I think weekly of early retirement but then crushing reality sets back in and realize I've got 15-20 years yet to work /cry. I've been working out 3-4 days a week for about 2 years now and shed nearly all body fat so I'm a lean fit 160, 6'1" brick house

Heading to Bruneck Italy at the end of this month and then to London the second week of Feb (I'm excited for the London trip, I've not been before and have always wanted to visit).

I sped through this so don't grammar nazi me please LOL

[Jay]

Harri, Leah, second go is much better than the first, at least is was for me.

Having moved on years from her years ago, my first marriage ended with finding out she had a year long affair with her boss. Worst part wasn't that tho. The worst part was that the best man in my wedding found this out by happenstance (saw her car at a hotel, checked, found her bosses car there too, called her out on it, she admitted it to my friend). The worst part, she offered sex acts if he would keep quite, not tell me, that went on for another 3 months (some friend, yeah).

It all ended when the boss had a nervous breakdown and I get a call from HIS wife telling me he came clean to her and that my wife and the boss were fucking around for a good year. The boss also new about this sex for silence with my friend. I called him out on it and of all of the shit you could imagine would go on, the one thing that hurt more than anything, my "friend" says, (not sorry, but) "I don't know that I would have changed anything with how this all went down" /boggle. I take great pleasure knowing he is now divorced, paying child support, and seemingly unhappy.

I lost what I felt was my everything, nearly all of my closest friends (this was my clique group from high school so it was a major blow to me), my wife (that was a good thing tho), an ass ton of money as she was in major debt, a ton of self confidence and pride.

That was 20 years ago.

As for today, I'm 47 going on 20, a wife I couldn't ask more of (well maybe sex /woot woot, i'm a bit nympho-ish), 2 great boys 16 and 18. I've been incredibly lucky that I have no formal college education yet hold a position in the company as a global data center manager (one of three for a large global organization). The anxiety and pressure is rough though, I think weekly of early retirement but then crushing reality sets back in and realize I've got 15-20 years yet to work /cry. I've been working out 3-4 days a week for about 2 years now and shed nearly all body fat so I'm a lean fit 160, 6'1" brick house

Heading to Bruneck Italy at the end of this month and then to London the second week of Feb (I'm excited for the London trip, I've not been before and have always wanted to visit).

I sped through this so don't grammar nazi me please LOL

God damn...that is some Jerry Springer shit right there...

[Reynaldo]

Everquest: Fucking up relationships since 1999!!!!

[Savanna]

EQ strong still 16 years this year since Vene / Patrick & I started dating! Boys are 8 & 10...crazy how fast time goes by.
No big updates...still in Oregon wine country. Patrick still at GE, telecommutes with trips up on the train to Seattle about once a month now since they moved his office. I'm still working nights as a nurse - cardiac icu (cvcu). I love our open heart surgery patients except the bat shit crazy old ladies that can swing a right hook & kick like they turned into a mma fighter! Night isn't ideal but the pay is good! Bought a camper so hitting up the Oregon coast a lot last summer. Took a family trip to Hawaii last summer & the kids are begging to go back. I work for vacays at this point....cause I feel like I work all the time!!!

It's fun to randomly check here & say hi + see who is still lurking!

[leah]

Harri, Leah, second go is much better than the first, at least is was for me.

Having moved on years from her years ago, my first marriage ended with finding out she had a year long affair with her boss. Worst part wasn't that tho. The worst part was that the best man in my wedding found this out by happenstance (saw her car at a hotel, checked, found her bosses car there too, called her out on it, she admitted it to my friend). The worst part, she offered sex acts if he would keep quite, not tell me, that went on for another 3 months (some friend, yeah).

It all ended when the boss had a nervous breakdown and I get a call from HIS wife telling me he came clean to her and that my wife and the boss were fucking around for a good year. The boss also new about this sex for silence with my friend. I called him out on it and of all of the shit you could imagine would go on, the one thing that hurt more than anything, my "friend" says, (not sorry, but) "I don't know that I would have changed anything with how this all went down" /boggle. I take great pleasure knowing he is now divorced, paying child support, and seemingly unhappy.

I lost what I felt was my everything, nearly all of my closest friends (this was my clique group from high school so it was a major blow to me), my wife (that was a good thing tho), an ass ton of money as she was in major debt, a ton of self confidence and pride.

That was 20 years ago.

As for today, I'm 47 going on 20, a wife I couldn't ask more of (well maybe sex /woot woot, i'm a bit nympho-ish), 2 great boys 16 and 18. I've been incredibly lucky that I have no formal college education yet hold a position in the company as a global data center manager (one of three for a large global organization). The anxiety and pressure is rough though, I think weekly of early retirement but then crushing reality sets back in and realize I've got 15-20 years yet to work /cry. I've been working out 3-4 days a week for about 2 years now and shed nearly all body fat so I'm a lean fit 160, 6'1" brick house

Heading to Bruneck Italy at the end of this month and then to London the second week of Feb (I'm excited for the London trip, I've not been before and have always wanted to visit).

I sped through this so don't grammar nazi me please LOL

God damn...that is some Jerry Springer shit right there...

i know the feeling

[Jay]

Harri, Leah, second go is much better than the first, at least is was for me.

Having moved on years from her years ago, my first marriage ended with finding out she had a year long affair with her boss. Worst part wasn't that tho. The worst part was that the best man in my wedding found this out by happenstance (saw her car at a hotel, checked, found her bosses car there too, called her out on it, she admitted it to my friend). The worst part, she offered sex acts if he would keep quite, not tell me, that went on for another 3 months (some friend, yeah).

It all ended when the boss had a nervous breakdown and I get a call from HIS wife telling me he came clean to her and that my wife and the boss were fucking around for a good year. The boss also new about this sex for silence with my friend. I called him out on it and of all of the shit you could imagine would go on, the one thing that hurt more than anything, my "friend" says, (not sorry, but) "I don't know that I would have changed anything with how this all went down" /boggle. I take great pleasure knowing he is now divorced, paying child support, and seemingly unhappy.

I lost what I felt was my everything, nearly all of my closest friends (this was my clique group from high school so it was a major blow to me), my wife (that was a good thing tho), an ass ton of money as she was in major debt, a ton of self confidence and pride.

That was 20 years ago.

As for today, I'm 47 going on 20, a wife I couldn't ask more of (well maybe sex /woot woot, i'm a bit nympho-ish), 2 great boys 16 and 18. I've been incredibly lucky that I have no formal college education yet hold a position in the company as a global data center manager (one of three for a large global organization). The anxiety and pressure is rough though, I think weekly of early retirement but then crushing reality sets back in and realize I've got 15-20 years yet to work /cry. I've been working out 3-4 days a week for about 2 years now and shed nearly all body fat so I'm a lean fit 160, 6'1" brick house

Heading to Bruneck Italy at the end of this month and then to London the second week of Feb (I'm excited for the London trip, I've not been before and have always wanted to visit).

I sped through this so don't grammar nazi me please LOL

God damn...that is some Jerry Springer shit right there...

i know the feeling

Give us the deets

[brinstar]

not that far off from finawin's really, except there's dogs instead of a babby

[Harrison]

2016, the year of infidelity

I just got laid off, BTW. The hits keep coming. I don't even know why I bother getting up anymore.

[Drem]

sorry bro. wish i could help. i'm sure everyone says cheesy bullshit to lift your spirits but just ... i dunno... do what makes you happy. there's got to be something you haven't done in/wanted to do for years that you could go do to feel good. i just went and tried to snowboard for the first time and i'm happier than i've been in years. it's not all about domestic life. don't let her mistake fuck up your whole being. go climb a mountain or something. grab life by the balls

[leah]

short version: i found out boy has been fucking my (now ex-)best friend for who knows how long -- but suffice to say it was *during* our efforts to save the marriage.


tl;dr version:

january 2016, i was visiting her in iowa. josh and i had been coasting for a while, kind of in that roommate territory that long-term couples go through. i was feeling neglected, got really really drunk, and flirted with a boy enough to bring him back to ex-bf's apartment. i was on the edge of blackout drunk, so i remember very little of what went down, other than the fact that she invited herself in to the situation and made it a three-person party. i woke up the next day feeling sick to my stomach from hangover but also from not being sure what happened. hooray.

i told josh what happened when i got home, and he instantly said "well, that's it then. we're getting a divorce." and alluded to the fact that he had been unhappy for a while, and my fuckup was what put him over the edge. no room for discussion. but i am a persistent motherfucker and i got him to agree to give me time to prove to him that i'm still the person he fell in love with. (in hindsight, i feel really sad for the person i was at the time. i shouldn't have been accepting all that blame, or letting myself think i'm unworthy of love, and he shouldn't have let me feel that way.)

so a couple months went by, things were cordial, i was slowly breaking down his walls a little... when one day i noticed a text message from ex-bf pop up on his phone that seemed awfully familiar. so then i went full crazy and checked our phone records and saw that they'd been talking for 20-30 minutes every other night for weeks. i confronted her and she told me that he started calling her to talk about our situation and what he should do next and she didn't want me to be sad so she didn't tell me. i accepted her explanation but asked her to please not keep things from me because i needed to be able to trust her. things went back to normal-ish, though the conversations nagged at the back of my mind.

fast forward another couple months, to the summer. she had started acting fully weird with me, implying that giving me emotional support was too difficult and i was asking too much of her, and that she didn't feel like our marriage was going to last so she was having a hard time supporting me when she didn't believe in it. she wrote me a big long email detailing all the ways that i was too much for her. the next day, i happened to see a facebook message from her pop up on his phone. so this time, i went a little nuts. she had given me her facebook password many many moons ago, so i logged in to read their conversation... and it was HORRIBLE. she was talking shit about me constantly, about how she needed a break from me and how she felt sorry for him for being stuck with me for so long. to his credit, he didn't say anything to her that he hadn't said to my face at some point or another, but she was acting supportive to my face and then trashing me to him for weeks/months! there were also some weird flirty messages but since it didn't seem like josh had reciprocated, i left it alone.

at that point, we had started to see leslie, our counselor. i told her about the messages i had found, and she said that if i really want to move forward with a healthy relationship, i needed to give him the trust that i was asking for from him. so i left it alone and stopped checking the messages -- but i also stopped giving ex-bf any information about how things were going with josh. leslie helped me see that i need to be better about setting boundaries in order to protect myself from constantly being a doormat. that process is ongoing.

so like i said in earlier posts, counseling was going really well. josh was starting to realize a lot of really important stuff about himself, we were communicating better, we even went on a date or two. i was so hopeful. but then, two days before thanksgiving, he informed me that he was done and wanted to move forward with a divorce. i was crushed, but at least i knew that we had given it our best shot. after that conversation, he took me home with him for thanksgiving so that we could talk to his mom together. it was really hard, but i'm glad i went.

i had been talking to ex-bf very superficially since deciding to put up boundaries, and i wasn't sure whether i wanted to tell her about the divorce, but i also wanted to know if josh had told her about it. so since we were done, i didn't see what the harm was in checking their facebook convo to see if he had told her. but oh, reader, what i found was so much worse.

i found conversations over the previous months (while we were in counseling!) about them wanting to give their relationship a real try, and how she couldn't wait around for him forever but that she had really fallen for him, and how she wished they could be together again because it had been so long since the last time, etc. etc. ...and then the last group of messages was from the day before, in which they sent each other some of the most explicit messages i had ever seen, let alone from josh. going into every sordid detail of the things they wanted to do with and to each other, about how she missed his dick and wanted to smell like him again, about how he wanted to fuck her in every room of her apartment, about how he was trying to find an opportunity to go see her in iowa. she sent pictures of herself in lingerie. i almost vomited.

that was the day i stopped talking to her forever. as for he and i, though, it's gotten even more complicated because we're still living in the same house (until we figure out who's going where, what's happening to the house, etc.) and we're also dealing with a dog with cancer and spending $7,000 on her care. every single day is painful and awkward and sickening. i haven't told him yet that i know all the things because i know when i do, it will set everything in motion and i don't feel ready for either of us to move out -- i want to get finances and divorce proceedings in order first. but i know that this has to happen soon because i'm dying inside and i'm never going to move forward until it's all out in the open.

i want to move forward feeling proud of who i am and who i was during the whole ordeal. i don't want anything left unsaid. i want to stand up for myself and let him know how deeply he hurt me. and i don't want to lose that still small voice inside me that says love is still worth the effort and i won't be alone forever and i'm worthy and deserving of being treated like the wonderful, sensitive, intelligent, giving person i am. i'm worried this ordeal is going to ruin me.

everything fucking sucks.

[Jay]

short version: i found out boy has been fucking my (now ex-)best friend for who knows how long -- but suffice to say it was *during* our efforts to save the marriage.

*shittyness*

I'm so sorry you have to go through that shitstorm. Jesus christ. Divorce is bad enough. Betrayal on top of that is a bitch.

Seems like you have the right idea going forward though and when you're able to bring all the issues to light you're gonna feel a huge sense of relief and begin healing. Just hang in there and lean on the people closest to you.