Vampire seeks government office

Adivina · Post by **Adivina** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 11:58 am

MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) - Minnesota voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.

"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.

Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits.

"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."

However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.

Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."

"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.

The field for the governor's race in Minnesota is far from complete. Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent has not been determined.

Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy Friday -- the 13th -- because that was "my lucky number."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060113/od_ ... N5bmNhdA--

Phlegm · Post by **Phlegm** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:05 pm

I hope he wins.

Maeya · Post by **Maeya** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:09 pm

I voted for Jesse Ventura because of his awesome marketing campaign. I hope this guy has neat commercials too.

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:40 pm

That would be awesome. Man the christians would be super pissed. That alone is worth voting for him.

Eziekial · Post by **Eziekial** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:58 pm

I like his stance on convited murderers and child molesters.

Tuggan · Post by **Tuggan** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:05 pm

scary

Donnel · Post by **Donnel** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:07 pm

Why would we be pissed? He's just a another nutcase in office.

Tuggan · Post by **Tuggan** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:09 pm

cause most christians consider it the end of the fuckin world when someone doesnt agree with them, especially if that someone hates god and worships SATAN.

Donnel · Post by **Donnel** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:11 pm

Nah, it'll just BE the end of the world when the world finds out it was wrong.

:angel:

Insanityfair · Post by **Insanityfair** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:33 pm

Elect all nutbags to office! I would love to see how much of the vote this guy could get...if people figure he's like a breath of fresh air, like they thought Jesse was...

Eziekial · Post by **Eziekial** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:35 pm

Jesse was also intelligent.

Insanityfair · Post by **Insanityfair** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:37 pm

http://www.jonathonforgovernor.us/Home_page.html

Classic.

And Jesse seemed to constantly have a case of foot in mouth disease that followed him his whole career.

Bigrozz · Post by **Bigrozz** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:44 pm

If hes a REAL vampire why is he showing up in picuters?

Donnel · Post by **Donnel** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:48 pm

All his opponents have to do is have all debtes scheduled during the day.

Maeya · Post by **Maeya** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 2:07 pm

Donnel wrote:All his opponents have to do is have all debtes scheduled during the day.

Post by **DangerPaul** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:24 pm

I was born in raised in New Jersey, the home state of Bruce
Springsteen - "The Boss." Though New Jersey is considered
the Crossroads of the American Revolution, just like Bruce
Springsteen, I am against war.

Though my Magikal Path Name is: Lord Ares, I do not believe
that Americans should die needlessly in Iraq or any other
country.

As Governor of Minnesota I will NOT allow any of our
National Guard soldiers to be deployed to Iraq or any other
combat area in the world.

Upon becoming President I will immediately recall ALL servicemen and
women from combat areas around the world. Additionally, I will have
President George W. Bush charged and tried for the murders of every
American that has been killed in Iraq as a result of him sending them into
War. Upon being convicted, I think everyone knows what his punishment will be.

I am sick and damn tired of this government, especially the present
administration use and abuse of American Servicemen along with women.
Especially our Veterans! Children are growing up with the pain and
emptiness of losing a parent in WAR, a war we need be involved in.

If a foreign leader or terrorist was a problem with America or Americans, they
can take it up personally with me, when I become Commander-In-Chief.

While recording his collection of live songs for his 1986 Live Album, Bruce did
a song called: WAR.
:wtf:

Gypsiyee · Post by **Gypsiyee** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:29 pm

Christ, if he's going to run for office you'd think he could at least take the time to design a webpage that looks better than a typical myspace profile.

If you want to be a vampire, that's cool.. but it's probably not the best idea to start your campaign with "I despise and hate the Christian God the Father" considering the amount of Christians there are >< I mean it's great to have your own beliefs, but when running for office it's probably not a good thing to preface your campaign with hatred for anything.

I almost have to wonder if he's serious or if this was done on a bet, like.. 'hey dude lol i bet u cant bekum governer lol'

Spliffs · Post by **Spliffs** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 5:12 pm

I would say he doesn't legitimately believe he has a chance. It's more of a 'hey dood, watch this im gonna run 4 guvener, and im going to say im a vampire and i hate god lolz pass the bong rofl'

Guntaag Gorefeast · Post by **Guntaag Gorefeast** » Sat Jan 14, 2006 12:13 am

Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol

fuckin a he's got my vote~

Spazz · Post by **Spazz** » Sat Jan 14, 2006 12:18 am

Those LIGHTNING BOLT dudes is what that picture brings to mind

brinstar · Post by **brinstar** » Sat Jan 14, 2006 12:49 am

they're gonna have to hold the inauguration at night otherwise he'll turn to ash

Phlegm · Post by **Phlegm** » Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:07 am

brinstar wrote:they're gonna have to hold the inauguration at night otherwise he'll turn to ash

What if he is a daywalker like Blade?

kaharthemad · Post by **kaharthemad** » Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:23 am

Then it would have been in his resume`

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Sat Jan 14, 2006 5:15 am

Guntaag Gorefeast wrote:
Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol

fuckin a he's got my vote~

that would be awesome beyond all recognition.

Captain Insano · Post by **Captain Insano** » Sat Jan 14, 2006 5:16 am

Phlegm wrote:
brinstar wrote:they're gonna have to hold the inauguration at night otherwise he'll turn to ash

What if he is a daywalker like Blade?

he does have a sword. Chances are he's a daywalker... Not to mention all the other vampires died from the VIRUSESESESS in Blade Trinity.