story i wrote

[brinstar]

here is a link to a .pdf of a story i wrote for one of my classes. it's about 10 pages (double-spaced) so if that sounds tl;dr then don't bother

my prof already told me that she thinks it's pretty great, so don't feel obligated to provide feedback if you don't want to. this is actually the third revision since i originally put it all together (leah and ashly you have only seen the first draft thus far), and while i won't say it's done, any further changes i make would be pretty minimal

hope you enjoy

[Diekan]

even though i think you're level 10 fuckstick....

that's actually not half bad.

well done!

[brinstar]

thanks dude, and thanks for leaving political crap in the political forum

[Tikker]

I'm not really sure what to say about it

it wasn't a bad start, but I was constantly struck by how overly....formal it felt

if that makes sense

like, Traditional Gray Slacks

and as I type that out it suddenly strikes me that it's the protagonists inner monologue and a paint colour that he sees

jeje



When I hit the end I was like "wtf, where's the rest" so if that's any indication, it's got a decent hook to it, and I wouldn't mind reading the resolution

[leah]

Traditional Grey slacks

initial caps signify a paint color he's come up with--he thinks in paint colors. until, you'll notice, he meets madeleine face-to-face.

[Gypsiyee]

good show, sir.

a little choppy at the beginning, I felt, but I think that's mostly me - as a rule, I'm generally not fond of the initial few paragraphs of any story.

I like it, though - with everything that saturates the story-telling market, it's very difficult to represent any semblance of originality or creativity. while the plot line isn't necessarily original (so few are anymore), the character creation is quite good.

[Trielelvan]

Well done Brin. Where's the rest?

[vonkaar]

I think you should start it out, "Dear Penthouse," and mail it in... just to confuse them.

[brinstar]

Well done Brin. Where's the rest?

there is no "rest" because it's a short story

[Trielelvan]

I know. Just a joke
The end does leave one wishing there was though. It was a very enjoyable read.